Find me...

oh my..

2008-08-24T18:05:00.002+08:00

secret.

2008-02-18T20:20:00.000+08:00

and i'm still waiting

2007-12-17T21:11:00.000+08:00

I wish to be whatever you most need of.

i yearn so for you even when i know that turtles will crawl out of their shells sooner than you to find me.

Why can't I have you now?

Is it because a happy ending can't come in the middle of the story?

I think I understand where this is coming from... but I'm sure I don't.

I don't.

I'll just love whom I love.

push

2007-12-07T22:13:00.000+08:00

away.

i'm getting there.

darnit

2007-10-10T20:15:00.000+08:00

i miss you. there, i said it! happy? fact it! naks...

of daemons and friggin companies

2007-10-04T16:16:00.000+08:00

so i got this from the golden compass' official site and it had me thinking, wouldn't it be really cool to actually have your own daemon? it sounds something like pokemon but unlike ash's motto where 'you gotta catch em all,' in golden compass' universe, each of these creatures are bound to their respective masters. so what exactly is a daemon? well according to the guide its the soul of each individual human being embodied in an animal familiar. In childhood, a daemon alters its form to reflect the ever-changing nature of children. In adulthood, it assumes a permanent form that best reflects the inner nature of its human.

i'm not exactly sure why i'm so worked up about all this but the thought of having a talking pet/familiar intrigues me... they'll really come in handy during those sleepless nights when you desperately need someone to talk to. and who better to converse with than the very embodiment of your soul right? i wish i had my very own daemon, in the form of a tiger or a lion so i can have it terrorize my enemies. *blank stare* there i go again, fantasizing. enough.

now, let me get to something thats more in touch with real life. real being harsh, dull, monotonous, and what have you. so i never got a call or email from that-friggin'-company. nada! last i heard from them was last week when they told me they'll contact me anytime this week but it's almost friday and there's still no word from them. no nothing! i think i kept my hope up for far too long its time to move on, right? moving on... just like with many other things in my life. live and let go. arrrrr... i dont want to turn this into cheese-fest. :P here's my stop. to better days! cheers!

question

2007-09-24T14:36:00.000+08:00

yipee! i passed the exam and initial interview for some big company. thanks to everyone who prayed for me but i need your prayers more than ever because the final interview's on wednesday!!! i hope this is the place for me because i've been embarrassingly jobless for more than a month now. i need a stable job. one that pays well, with a wonderful work environment and offers a good opportunity for growth. talk about being too idealistic... with so much time in my hands i cant help but daydream of perfect office scenarios and what not, in full detail! maygarsh! i am so fed up of being idle and over thinking.

on a different note, i'm having a strange feeling of melancholy. i recently asked myself, 'why is the world so unfair?' the eternal question that fuel most angst-ridden teens... hayyy... i'm way past that time in my life but it's coming back. haven't i been good enough, kind enough, generous enough to deserve the best in life? what of positive karma and its tenfold return? and many more questions i don't have an answer for.

envy and bitterness, i don't want any of it... but it just welled up the moment i saw the smile plastered on your face, and it immediately wiped off the one on mine.

...

how come you're happy while i'm not?

...

2007-09-16T19:29:00.000+08:00

something's missing

hey hey hey

2007-09-12T00:10:00.000+08:00

it's 12:14am sept 12, 2007 and i just can't wait to post something, anything! if you're wondering why i'm this excited, it's my birthday for cripes sake!

and here's a bit of trivia, i just found out earlier that i was welcomed into the world at 7am in the morning so i guess i'll be 'officially' a year older by then. as of the moment i'm still 21! nyahahaha... palusot. if only i could stop time. wahhhh... i'll be 22 years old very soon, like in 6 more hours(trying to stretch time hehe) MAYGARSH! and as if to remind me that i'm AGING, the internet cafe's attendant actually called me 'kuya' when he clearly looked older than me. wehhhh... fine! maybe i do look 'mature,' MAYBE but whatever. it's my day today and i won't let one silly comment ruin it. :)

me likey this song! send in your gifts already! okay? alright! like totally freak me out, i mean c'mon! wahahahaha... waiting, waiting, grrrrr...

and before i forget, i am in DESPERATE need of a DECENT/HONEST house mate to lessen the amount of monthly rent i have to pay.. please help! if you're interested, just drop a comment or email me at koolaphoo@gmail.com.

that's all i have to say i guess... oh and one more thing... VIRGOS RULE! :P

God bless us all!!!!! :)

P.S.
for those who'll forget to greet me or give me presents, you will be damned! just kidding. no, wait. not really. *evil grin* wuddeva! happy happy happy birthday to me!

autobiography in 5 chapters

2007-09-08T15:43:00.000+08:00

I.

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost...I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

II.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I'm in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

III.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in...It's a habit
my eyes are open
I know where i am
it is my fault
i get out immediately.

IV.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

V.

I walk down another street.

mercy

2007-08-30T01:34:00.000+08:00

i've been a refugee for weeks now. out of the goodness of their hearts (naks!), my good friends have smuggled me in while i'm still unsettled. many thanks guys! still, i am the very embodiment of a freeloader. pakapalan na ng mukha. demn. :P but my current host will soon be unburdened with my presence because come saturday i'm finally moving to this spacious apartment that makes me feel closest to home. awww... and from the original rent of 10k per month, further negotiations brought it down to P8,500! beat that! i'm so excited! there better be no delays because i can't afford another day in this condo. my days here have been a constant struggle NOT to spend my allowance on trivial stuff in the nearby malls... grrrr... but more often than not, i surrender to pure impulse. hehehe... i bought 6 new clothes in less than a week, which is more than my usual yearly wardrobe upgrade of 4 clothes. maygarsh! thanks to a particular store's clearance sale, 50% off on good items is just too tempting to pass up. tough! and i got myself a shorter do so goodbye long, unruly, lion's mane-ish hair. and guess how much it cost me! 1... 2... 3... giving up? p25o for a friggin' haircut! all thanks to my companion's insistence. classy salon my arse. but i'm pretty satisfied with my new mane. hayyyy... it's just that back home, i could get a good cut for less than p100. what else ate away my money? hrmmm... oh yes, going to the movies and my nightly dose of caffeine in the many coffee places that dot the vicinity. grrrr... just thinking of how much of my allowance got sucked up is making my head spin. enough.

i can't wait for the weekend to come... huhuhu... so many things to do by then. other than cleaning the new place, i have to get the following; a good mattress, huge fluffy pillows, electric fan (preferably an industrial fan. lol), rice cooker, electric kettle (kyowa?), gas stove, toiletries, throw pillows, carpet, plates, and lots of noodles/pancit canton! :P hey you. yes you! do notify me if i missed out on anything important or better yet provide me with the said items. nyahaha... just kidding. no, seriously. :D

if i don't hold back on thursday and friday, i'm sure i'll run short on cash for the downpayment. maygarsh!!! the horror! :(( 2 more days... 2 more days that could prove disastrous if spent in malls. huhuhuhu... if you're generous enough, do send me money. interested? just drop a message with your email so i can give you my bank account number. have a heart man! lol.

i sound like a friggin beggar. darnit. hahahaha... i don't care. that's just how it is. no matter, from here on things can only get better and better and better. *im crossing my fingers AND toes* :P

and to think that i'm still taking the first step. landing a good job would be next. *sigh* this is all too familiar. a repeat of 2006. what if i never left? what would've happened? i'd like to think that close to 12 months of bumhood wasn't such a waste, that it served a bigger purpose, even though i'm already a year behind my batchmates. hayyy... i won't be making the same mistakes as before. i mustn't because i can't afford to. focus, elvin. focus.

oh God help me. God bless us all!

nuys

2007-08-22T01:06:00.000+08:00

this is mandy moore's cover of rihanna's song 'umbrella.' ayus!

you can stand under my umbrella... ella... ella... hey, hey, hey...

huhuhuhu

2007-08-21T00:51:00.000+08:00

tired.

'tis all. stupid no? pray for me... God bless us all!

nothing

2007-08-10T11:14:00.000+08:00

i've been through this several times before and i've gotten myself into the same mess again... but this time around, it's slightly different, the tables have turned. garsh! who would've thought? its just like what they say, what goes around comes around. karma finally caught up with me, i guess. hayyy... i can't believe that i allowed it to get this far. i should know better. so stupid. fact me.

'do what you have to do' thats what ms. mclachlan told me. i just hope that i was able to contain much of the damage. hayyy.. enough. when will all of this be over? bilis... i really want to skip the sullen bit and jump straight to just-like-the-good-'ol-days. if only i had the option to fast forward ala click. tough.

uhm... right! this is all a twisted dream the sandman cooked up out of pure spite. demn that old geezer! quick, pinch my ass or something!

*just yammering nonsense. spare me. shoo!*

but really, this isn't easy and i'm tired. i want to wake up already... please.

fact it

2007-07-20T16:48:00.000+08:00

fact! i was supposed to buy this cool jacket i've been drooling on for days but somebody got to it first. fact! i checked yesterday if it was still there, it was, and i even tried it on, it fit perfectly! so i went to the nearest atm to get some cash coz what i had was insufficient but on the way back i was met with heavy traffic. when i finally reached the place it was friggin closed!!! it was still 6:40pm on my watch, and they're supposed to close on 7 friggin' pm! FACT! i grudgingly went back home and was greeted with my father's assurance that nobody will pick that item any time soon, that i should take my time. feeling reassured, i was hopeful for tomorrow. and so the day of reckoning came, i hurriedly went to the shop, asked for the size i previously tried on, and waited excitedly near the dressing room... when lo and behold, the most tragic news hit me, they sold it to someone earlier. i was a few minutes late. FACT! i was annoyed beyond words! then i noticed the dour looking manager approach and finally stopping by to listen in on the conversation i was having with the clerk. i ended up asking the manager when she'll restock on the said item but she pretended not to hear. i swear i could've thrown the clothes rack at her then and there! fact! but i composed myself and repeated the same question matched with a glare and a tone of impatience. i'm sure that caught her by surprise and expectedly, she lightened her mood. 'i'm afraid we won't be ordering the same line. try our other items, sir' she said, with a less indifferent approach. it wasn't the best response but a clear improvement from before. serves her right that hag. spirit low and clearly pissed off, i told my father what happened and as if adding insult to injury, told me that i should have bought it first thing in the morning. ahhhhhh.. i was about to blow up in anger! wasn't he the one who told me that nobody will go for the same item? wasn't he the one who told me to take my time?! that hypocrite, blaming me for the actions i clearly took from his advice. i just shut my mouth. grrrr...

so my friends tell me 'maybe it just wasn't meant for you, that you'll find something better if not the best. just wait.' how come i'm not convinced? it felt like it was meant for me. that it was the best. i waited for so long, brooding on the very thought of wanting it. and when the time was ripe for me to have it, the universe keeps me from it. fact! why? everything i wanted; work, independence, healthier relationships, vacation, etc. not one of those did i ever get! don't i at least deserve that jacket? it was small compared to my previous wants but still its a NO! ahhhhhhhhhhhh... i know its shallow but the littlest things tick me off these days. i'm going crazy!

haven't i waited long enough?

here's a sad/cute/funny vid to remind you how the world can be so unfair. that bitch... watch the vid and you'll see what i mean.

tough.

take me to beautiful

2007-07-17T00:39:00.001+08:00

i've been a hermit as of late. i think i deserve a good break from everything... for lack of resources and time. this realization came about when my friggin’ flu didn’t get any better after 2 weeks of torment. besides, it’s highly unlikely that the world’s gonna miss me. i just need some time alone to recuperate and nurse myself back to health. i believe that my hibernation is well-deserved and im not sure when i’ll come out of this. errrr… i don’t have anything left to say… i don’t even know why i’m writing this… just that i wanted to explain my disconnectedness. disconnectedness… wow, long word. i’m so discombobulated! what?! another long word! demn… oh well, here are some pretty pictures to distract you from my usual loopyness.

cotton candy

eye in the sky

smells like violets

these pics were taken in palawan. absolutely breathtaking! well, that's it for now. oyasumi nasai!

sunday afternoon

2007-07-15T16:34:00.000+08:00

it's a choice to stay
it's a dream and I wanna wake

you have blood on your hands
and I'm feeling faint
and honey, you can't decide

I'm a drug you don't wanna give up
smoke your cigarettes, make your love

you poured blood in my heart
and I can't get enough
I'm drowning, drowning
and you can't decide

it's not about geography or happenstance
you need to fly and take a chance
you don't need to soar to emptiness
or float on high and forever dance alone
you're scared, scared, scared
cause I feel like home

hear your voice, knew right away
if you were here your eyes would say
there is blood on my feet
as I'm walking away
rivers are red, it's starting to rain

I'm not gonna live for you or die for you
won't do anything anymore for you
cause you leave me here on the other side

I'm not gonna shed one more tear for you
at least not til sunday afternoon
sunday afternoon

leave or stay

===
this is a beautiful song by the ever brilliant rachael yamagata. it has been eating at me for a long while but its funny how i'm actually posting this on a sunday afternoon. coincidence? in doo's words 'natumbok mo, kaibigan.' :P here's a vid to prove my point. what point, you ask? that its a wonderful song of course! hayy.. enough of the small talk.. check it out.

pfft...

.

2007-06-05T20:48:00.000+08:00

but...

the tag game

2007-05-24T12:41:00.000+08:00

Rules:
Each player of this game starts off with 15 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged needs to write an entry of their own 15 weird things/habits/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end, you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names. No tag backs.

15 weird things/habits/little known facts about ME!

1. i have a morbid fear of roaches! cockroachaphobia! is there such a term? wehehehe
2. i have a huge collection of rpg games but i've only finished 3 of them, namely, final fantasy - 8, 10, and 12.
3. i haven't witnessed a sunrise for almost 2 years now.
4. i am the first (self-proclaimed) 'emo.' my HS classmates dubbed me that for some unknown reasons. hehehe...
5. i really want to have a pet horse so that i can ride it ala geronimo! grrrr... and a ranch. hehehe
6. i can't remember birthdays! good thing cellphones/social networking sites feature birthday reminders! :P
7. i'm a hypocrite. ahehe
8. i easily get fed up with a LOT of things.
9. the first movie that scared the shit out of me was ju-on. damn glorietta's CRs for having speakers installed in em!
10. i am NOT fond of kids.
11. i can't get enough of my sassy girl. watched it for 8+ times already.
12. i cried over land before time 1.
13. i had a pet monkey (muymuy) but i gave it back to my gramps. its dead now.
14. back in my younger years.. i was offered to star (or extra?) in a commercial. wahahaha..
15. i've never bought a single clothing item for myself, everrrrr...

i don't know anybody who'd want to play. i guess it ends here. :(

virgohoro 5/20/07

2007-05-20T03:03:00.000+08:00

The Bottom Line

Be clearer about what you can do for the people who are asking for your help.

In Detail

It's time for you to be clearer about what you can (and cannot) do for the people in your life who are asking for your help. This applies to both your personal and business life, but it's much more relevant to work right now. Some people might be asking you to do things that they have plenty of time to do themselves. You always assume the best of people, but not everyone deserves this generosity.

====

aha! tumpak! tis all! :P

somebody give me a kitkat

2007-05-17T01:43:00.000+08:00

i don't know why i waste my time. i'm putting myself through so much strain than i need to be. many things have been spoken, more so are left undone.

while its one thing to be compassionate and another to be indulgent, i never saw the difference then. now i know it all too well.

i just want to save the world but i'm snowed under.

so and so

2007-05-11T03:16:00.000+08:00

it has been an extremely monotonous 2 weeks for me. first half of my day (which often starts at 2pm) was spent in front of the computer. and the second half's when i go out with my cousins/friends to grab a snack, drink coffee, down a beer or something. that's how it usually went, for 2 weeks straight! bummer!

first off, i've been watching movies/shows/animes over this wonderful site 8+ hours a day! you name it, they have it... at least a lot of the good ones, from the most recent down to the obscure. my number one pick for unheard of animes is basilisk! it tells a bit of history on how japan employed ninjas in deciding their shogun. now i won't spill more details but if you're a ninja freak like me then it'll definitely work for you. as far as shows are concerned, i have consumed all heroes and ugly betty episodes there are to find. for me to be watching heroes is predictable considering my lifelong fascination with super powered characters but what's amazing is how ugly betty kept me glued. it could be in the way she stays true to herself when the 'real' world clearly wants to spit her back out. or maybe its in how she's easily identifiable with a large population of the very 'regular' kind, me included. :P and there's also that deep wanting to see her turn from ugly to pretty. those are several things that give the show a subtle charm, making it a must-see series. also, betty looks and acts a lot like my HS classmate so that's an added bonus! i bet you're thinking that i'm not so hooked to this huh? :P

i've been out and about past 10pm and constant chillin' has never been more tedious. hanging around with my friends and cousins was something i usually looked forward to, now it has become so predictable that it feels more like work and less like fun. it's not that i don't enjoy their company but seeing the same faces night after night makes me want to gag. they are the greatest people i could have around, it's just that i need a break... even for a day. i am desperately needing some alone time but saying no to these guys is like committing the gravest crime punishable by life sentence. what to do? what to do? especially when i'm low on cash and i have currently been reinstated as the 'counselor.'

*before i go on, i should warn you that this is the part where i'll ego trip for a wee bit :P* being the contemplative (uyyy.. feeler) and nosy person that i am its no surprise that i have become the proverbial shoulder to cry on, listening ear, love doctor, keeper of secrets or whatchamacallit. it's not that i mind... i really dont coz i find great honor in having their full trust... but as of late they've all been spilling their love problems on me, all in one go! wahh.. what is it about summer and its mean spell on romantic relationships? tsk tsk tsk... i can't say i give the best advice coz i can be pretty harsh. also, i'm not the most experienced person in the L department and yet they take my word for it... or do they really?! hehehe... maybe i'm just lucky my friends are gullible enough to believe in my supposed wisdom :P *end!* but when i do get tired of their whining i will have to convince them to have their problems solved straight from the love calculator! nyahahaha

and for those of you who follow this blog, you might notice that i have changed the template. for those of you who don't, it wouldn't mean a world of difference now would it? :P the new banner didn't work well with the previous template so i am forced to utilize one of blogger's presets until i find the time to fully renovate this. btw, the wonderful banner you see above is all thanks to arielski. if you wish to have one made just visit his site. *i will be receiving an incentive for the free advertise* :P

anyway, i admire you for getting this far in my pointless entry. it just goes to show how bored you are. :P i'll try to talk about something more relevant next time but until then let me leave you with something i found hilarious. just click on the image to get a clearer view. guess what i got :P

'nuff said

2007-04-28T02:49:00.000+08:00

tarot tarot

2007-04-06T03:04:00.000+08:00

You are The Chariot

Triumph, Victory, Overcoming Obstacles.

The chariot is one of the most complex cards to define. On its most basic level, it implies war, a struggle, and an eventual, hard-won victory. Either over enemies, obstacles, nature, the beasts inside you, or to just get what you want. But there is a great deal more to it. The charioteer wears emblems of the sun, yet the sign behind this card is the moon. The chariot is all about motion, and yet it is often shown as stationary. It is a union of opposites, like the black and white steeds. They pull in different directions, but must be (and can be!) made to go together in one direction. Control is required over opposing emotions, wants, needs, people, circumstances; bring them together and give them a single direction, your direction. Confidence is also needed and, most especially, motivation. The card can, in fact, indicate new motivation or inspiration, which gets a stagnant situation moving again.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

=====
interesting tarot card i picked... fits like a glove. i got this from lurshlee nga pala. :P

virgohoro 4/4/07

2007-04-04T03:02:00.000+08:00

The Bottom Line

If you start feeling restless today, distract yourself by hanging out with friends.

In Detail

Don't be concerned if you start feeling quite restless today -- the stars say that there are a lot of good things coming your way soon, and your subconscious can sense them. You're getting impatient -- even though you don't know what you're impatient about! You can spend your day imagining what these good things could be. Or you can distract yourself with work and let the surprise unfold as the universe wants it to unfold.

----

ain't that grand? it's been a long wait... :D

"I want to believe that it is wonderful to be free. Free again. Ready to find my one true love, who is waiting for me and who will never allow me to experience such humiliation again."

what if i asked why you pull me along?
will you give me the answer i badly want to hear?

what if i never gave you that nth chance?
would it have made any difference?

what if i'll leave all of a sudden?
will it make you think of what you've lost?

what if our paths never crossed?
would it have made me any less unhappy?

it could have been a month or a year but i gave up long before i realized that i wanted it to stay...

still the world turns

i will wait for you but please come soon

2007-03-29T03:20:00.000+08:00

like a constant hum in my head,
you never cease to play.
in my next lifetime,
will we fall under a more favorable circumstance?
in that one shining star i've set my eyes on,
will it be me you'll choose?
i continue to hope,
and always will.

----
i get mushy when i'm drunk... i think i am. :P

blog before bed

2007-03-20T03:00:00.000+08:00

just a few secrets that hit me like umph! :-P

haymish langai and the bluemansion! will be seeing you soon! :-)

lastly, here's something from Paulo Coelho's By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept:

All of us have had this experience. At some point, we have each said through our tears, "I'm suffering for a love that's not worth it." We suffer because we feel we are giving more than we receive. We suffer because our love is going unrecognized. We suffer because we are unable to impose our own rules.

ahsus! :-P

the zahir

2007-03-18T04:04:00.000+08:00

"Until one morning, I'll wake up and find I'm thinking about something else, and then I'll know the worst is over. My heart might be bruised, but it will recover and become capable of seeing the beauty of life once more. It happened before, it will happen again I'm sure. When someone leaves, it's because someone is about to arrive --- I'll find love again."

====
and the world spins madly on...

please

2007-03-06T02:07:00.000+08:00

take me far, far away...

mr. chips

2007-02-27T04:40:00.000+08:00

1 little, 2 little, 3 little blinking lights...

when lo and behold a shooting star streaked past. now, you don't see those too often! was i merely imagining things? no matter, i made a wish, one i've been keeping for so long. they say wishes are best left for children who still believe in dreams coming true, for hopeless hopefuls waiting on better days, lovers wanting their own happy ever after and so on. you can call me cheesy but there's no harm in trying, right? :P

i've wished for this on my birthday, christmas eve, new year, chain mails, fortune telling, card games, what have you... only this time, i feel differently, much stronger of it coming true because it was whispered on a shooting star when the night sky was nothing but stellar.

i will wait for you but please come soon... :)

hahay, hay, hohum, etc.

2007-02-24T05:52:00.000+08:00

dear blog,

i had another one of those dreadful nights when i ended up thinking of how ill-fated i am. sad, i know. it was good that my internet connection went crappy else i would've fed my sappy mood with PEYUPS' tragic *cough*love*cough* stories. right when i got cut off, 12am, somebody invited me for a little chit chat. and for the lack of better things to do, i went out (SNEAKED out was more like it) and headed to this hard metal rock concert or whatever you call it. ugh... definitely not my thing. it was strange how everybody stared at me when i got there. were they checking me out? NO. i was the only one in white in a sea of black. it just wasn't one of those normal days when i'd predictably wear black. anyway on with my story, seeing gian was worthwhile despite the constant shrieking/singing in the backgroud. catching up with a long time friend is always refreshing. we reminisced about high school and shared college experiences. it was funny how both of us intentionally veered away from talking about future plans. i guess we're still unsure of what's ahead of us. "let's leave it to the wind!" we both cheered. it's good to know that i'm not the only one on the "devil may care" boat. :D we said our goodbyes at 4am and so i sped off feeling better when i hit a pothole at 80 km/h. that would've been my nth motorcycle accident. thank you Lord for keeping me safe!

i had a really swell time but at the end of it all there's still that nagging thought that something's not right. it just isn't. something's missing. oh well, it's 6am and i should be off to bed. i'll have enough time to figure it out whence i wake up.

hahay... the more that i wait, the more time that i waste.

gudmornyt!

virgohoro 02/13/07

2007-02-13T02:29:00.000+08:00

The Bottom Line

Today, push things into a decidedly more romantic realm. It's up to you.

In Detail

If things have been getting silly instead of serious between you and another person, today is the day to push things into a decidedly more romantic realm. If you want things to grow, you will have to nurture them. Surround yourself with candlelight, soft music and exotic fragrances -- and dress in an outfit that you know will get you noticed. Create a comfortable situation that is conducive to talking about your feelings and talking about where to go next.

====

romantic my arse. put me up next for the firing squad. pffft...

for the meantime...

2007-01-28T04:21:00.000+08:00

She’s the one you call when you’re bored because she makes you laugh. She’s the one you talk to when you’re feeling down because she’s willing to lend an ear and be a friend. She’s not the one you call when you need a date to your company’s Christmas party, or to go dancing with on a Saturday night. She’s the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find "The One". You know, the one who you keep around in the meantime.

She’s not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don’t look at her as a "real" woman, either. She’s not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in that light. She’s too laid-back, too easily amused by the same things your male buddies are amused by. She’s too understanding, too comfortable – she doesn’t make you feel nervous or excited the way a "real" woman does. But she’s cool, and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when you’re lonely or horny and need intimate female companionship, she’ll do just fine. You don’t have to wine and dine her because she knows the real you already, and you don’t have any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve. You’re not trying to get anything of substance out of her. She’s not easy, but you know that she cares about you and is attracted to you, and that she’ll give you the intimacy you need. And you know you don’t have to explain yourself or the situation, that she’ll be able to cope with the fact that this isn’t the beginning of a relationship or that there’s any possibility that you have any real romantic feelings for her. It won’t bother her that you’ll get up in the morning, put on your pants, say goodbye, and go on a date with the woman you’ve been mooning over for weeks who finally agreed to go out with you. She’ll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to call her and tell her how the date went. She’s just so cool . . . why can’t all women be like that?!

But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don’t because to you, the situation between the two of you isn’t important enough to merit any real thought), you know that it’s really not fair. You know that although she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don’t think she’s good enough to spend any real time with. Sure, it’s mostly her fault, because she doesn’t have to give in to your needs – she could play the hard-to-get bitch like the rest of them do, if she really wanted to. But you and she both know that she probably couldn’t pull it off. Maybe she’s too short, or a little overweight, or has a big birthmark on her forehead, or works at Taco Bell. Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman. So she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman.

She doesn’t captivate you with her beauty, or open doors with her smile. Mainly she blends in with the crowd. She’s safe. She doesn’t want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room. But she wants to turn someone’s head. She wants to be special to someone, too. We all do.

She has feelings. She has a heart. In fact, she probably has a bigger and better heart than any woman you’ve ever known because she’s had a front-row seat to The Mess That Is Your Life, and she likes you anyway. She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you’ve given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she is.

Anyway, yeah. I’m a Meantime Girl. Been one more times than I care to admit. I don’t know the reason, really, and at this point I don’t even care. I just want to let every guy know who’s ever had the good fortune to have a Meantime Girl that we may be a lot of fun, but we cry, too. A lot. And someday we won’t be around.

~Meantime Girl by Anonymous
====

Why is it that some people never appreciate what's already at hand? I must admit that i once had the fortune of having a pseudo Meantime Girl. I so easily brushed aside her efforts of procuring a more intimate relationship than what i could provide. She kept on and for a while I played along, thinking that I could have it my way... for us to be JUST FRIENDS. I was selfish and in the long run, she left. So yes, I am one of those people who often take things for granted. But just so you know, if there would be a male counterpart to the Meantime Girl, that would definitely be me. OUCH! I'm not saying this to clear up my conscience, simply put, shit happens and karma's payback is severe. From then on I've learned to always follow the GOLDEN RULE.

Haaaaahay... I miss her. And I'm sorry.

rant # i dunno

2007-01-10T18:25:00.000+08:00

I have no idea what I’d do with my life. No job, no purpose, no direction, no goal, no aim. Nada! Back when I was a kid, I could easily say that I’d be a paleontologist but look at me now! I couldn’t even see myself in a year’s time. Pffft! Nothing excites me anymore. I keep on ‘chilling’ and looking for ‘adventure’ to the point that it’s become darn too predictable. I’ve even sworn off my quick fix, drinking coz I’ve been at it non-stop. I’m telling you, there comes a point when not even that could better the feeling of ‘blankness.’ My life is so mundane. My life is so uninspiring. Oh wait! I don’t have a life… it’s that simple. What am I here for anyway? Hohum… But still, thank God for allowing me to survive the dreadful year that was 2006. Thank YOU!

And there’s also my dismal lurvelife. Demn! Most of my friends might not know this but I’ve been fretting over lurve for the past year. And there’s still no sign of Cupid! But lo and behold! My good friend Angel finally found herself a boyfriend! Hahaha… I can’t forget how we (classmates) used to tease her, “manigulang jud kang walay uyab Gel! Single for life!” And looky now, she even has “Til I met you, I never knew what love was” as her shout out. Demn! I guess our Kung Ako Nalang Sana deal’s off, eh Gel? It’s cool coz I still have a few contracts at hand. Hahaha… I know Cupid’s just fluttering about purposefully missing the arrows aimed at me or maybe he couldn’t find it amongst the pile of arrows reserved for the other hopefuls. And there’s also the chance that one’s already sticking out of my chest but I’ve been refusing to admit it. Who knows? Hahaha… I’ll just get crazier the more I think about this. Ambot!

Life oh life! It hasn’t been easy but I’m still here… waiting. “I can hear my grandma say, you can’t get to no better days unless you’d make it through the night” as taken from the song Better Days. Hehehehe… Haaaaaaaahay! Maypa mag-WAITER nalang sa ko, magkakwarta pako!

Last hirit: INSPIRE ME! MOVE ME! STIR ME! AROUSE ME! Wahahaha… Nonsense na. Haaaay… find me.

looky what i found...

2007-01-10T17:56:00.000+08:00

hahahahaha... watcha think? peace! :-p

ulan

2007-01-08T23:11:00.000+08:00

Rain was pouring hard. 3:43pm - and I tried to find traces of my person in your words. I couldn't find me.

It’s been so long and I still feel like I’m only around whenever you need a good kick. But when it’s my turn to be sated, you never deliver. I don’t know why I keep on keeping on when the best you could give me are silly imaginings. How did you even manage to slip past my defenses?

I never thought I'd be too agreeable, too convenient. Not that it was your fault although you could have done more. I’m beginning to sound like him, don’t I?

And yet we are different because unlike him, I would never settle for ambiguity. Unlike him, I won’t be swallowed by the vacuum of your insatiable ego. Unlike him, I will not grant you the satisfaction of having me beg or cry. And unlike him, I will stop before things get out of hand...

But until then let me just love you in silence because like rain on a gloomy Monday, this too shall pass.

Siguro...

2006-12-20T18:05:00.000+08:00

dimalas jud ko. Murag naay nakakabit nga sumpa. Tungod ba ni sa akong pagtrato nimo sauna? Dugay najud ta wala nagsturya bha… makamingaw bya pero kabalo ko nga mas maayo rapod ning ing-ani ky unyag makasakit napod ko nimo. Pero kabalo ka… feeling nako nakarma ko tungod sa akong nabuhat nimo. Palpak kaayo ko sa daghang butang. Ambot kung hantud kanus-a ko magdala ani pero anad naman kog hulat so kabalo ko nga mahuman rani. Pero wala tika gibasol ani hah… Unta mubalik lang tong sauna… kung kanus-a simple pa ang tanan na magkanchaway lang ta. Lingaw pa kaayo to bha? Maghuna huna lang ko nimo ky magkatawa nako, mura kog amaw. Hehehehe… matingala gud na akong mga kauban ky mura daw kog buang ky magtisngi lang sa kilid. Wala sila kabalo nga dugay nakong buang. Hahahaha… Wala lang. Gimingaw lang jud ko nimo unya daghan na kaayo kog ganahan isturya nimo… Oh well, kung kelangan nimo ug listening ear or a good laugh I'm always available… that is if naa pakay plano musturya nako... Just remember na basta nimo I'm just around... ayaw lang unta hulata kung kanus-a wala nako... ewan... I miss you and Merry Xmas!

just so i'd remember

2006-12-18T11:23:00.000+08:00

i shud've posted this back in january nho? pero better late than never matod pa ni.. ambot kinsay niingon. wahehehe.. so so so..

The year that was 2005
1. during summer, we had our OJT in cebu. fun.
2. boozing, yo-ing like crazy - tried everything. NASTY
3. night-out sessions with ysai at the children's park, city hall, jollibee, el centro, etc. i miss those.
4. saturday nights were reserved for d'zyr - where li used to sing. fan here. :P
5. went out with cousins on several saturdays. pasingot dayun ang tandu. wahahaha..

dates to remember:
Oct 9 - ehem. perfect night. Starry starry night. lol
Oct 14 - sai, elvin and lulu. maghubo unta to si virginal. LOL. dead wasted in BATC
Oct 17 - iced tea sa darrens. ysai and lu. pekchur pekchur
Oct 20 - dance and voice class sa family room nilang lulu with ysai
Oct 21 - naabot si ods ug nabungkag tanan. hahahaha
Oct 22 - darren's with gian, sai, ods and lu. aguy noy!
Oct 24 - arvin, hospicio, ods, lulu and ysai. inom at lulu's unya nagsuka ko sa ilang guest room ug ISAW. Wala pajud nako gilimpyuhan! Bad! nyaha!
Oct 26 - lady's burger nagkanta kanta. A whole new wooooorld~ wahahaha the best!!!!
Oct 31 - lulu's bday sa dzyr! yahoo! Naa pajud cake gibake si sai ani.. awwwwww
skip to December ky secret ang November. wahahaha...
Dec 2 – lingaw ni nga adlaw ky daghan nahitabo namung saldi. wahaha
Dec 9 – middleton ky bday ni aki! hubog na ni!!!
Dec 17 - CSM christmas party with lu and jade. nakit-an si **o**. car broke down at lu's. busa nagjogging ko at 3am! aguy noy! nyaha
Dec 21 - gazpachos with mitzie and lulu.. fine dining kunuhay unya sisig rajud among gikaon!!! hahaha.. lami bitaw. nakiginom dayun si mitz sa BATC
Dec 27 - Grade school reunion sa BATC. lingaw ug update update sa kinabuhi.
Dec 28 - High school reunion at Jay's place. magicsing. inom. sayaw. yebah!city hall after with gian, shek, ods, and saldi
Dec 29 - BATC napod with with mt. basa, ods and pussy p. gisapot mi atong geisha sa i love sushi. nyeh.
Dec 30 - sexy friday! shek, ods, saldi and emily g. eldran pod. daghan ug uwagan. yehey! hahahaha..
Dec 31 - just befor 12mn... city hall with ods and saldi.. awwwww.. kakyut!
Jan 2 - sawi session mi ni saldi. 5 bottles of beer for me, 2 iyaha.. clarity!
Jan 3 - arvin, gian and lu sa BATC. had gianinna drive to arvin's! yey!

after that.. nagcram na dayun sa school.. wahahaha..

================

The year that was (is pa diay.. gamay nalang kulang) 2006… (mag-english napod para serious... hehehe)

A lot has happened this year. I can still remember what I prayed for even before 2006 began; I asked for twelve months of eventfulness, and eventful it was, still is. I experienced the horrors of thesis-work, fearing I wouldn’t graduate but graduate I did. I was off to work that very month, only to quit several months after. I enjoyed my independence as well as feel the loneliness of having been far from my family. I met new people, made friends and even said goodbye to a few. I’ve been to places I’ve only heard/seen on tv and those where I shouldn’t have been. My family moved for the 1^st time in 21 years and yet I still can’t call our new house a home. Who would have thought that I could go quite far in a year, only to fall back at square one? Yes this has been a year of firsts for me. Many unexpected things happened and I'm sure more will come. The fire dog hasn't been good to me but I know that it’s all for the best. I'll just charge it to experience. Now that it's almost over, what does the fire pig have in store for me, for us? Oh well, we can only expect the worst and hope for the best (diba Dorz? :P). Okay, I'm done yammering, now I'm happy. Cheers to all of us! To another year rich with life but more importantly to the affirmation that it is indeed worth living (diba Salds? :D)! Keep praying, keep living! God Bless one and all!

As for my Christmas wish for everyone: I wish you peace but more than this I wish you love! :P Happy Xmas!

question

2006-12-17T04:05:00.000+08:00

Cryptic words meander
Now there is a song beneath the song
One day you'll learn
You'll soon discern its true meaning
An interesting detachment
A listless poem of love sincere
Desire, despair
Overlapping melodies

Oh now the roots are reminiscing
Recurring dreams of minor chords
Metred time
Muted chimes find the beat

And in the pulse there lies conviction
A steady push and pull routine
The cymbals swell
High notes flail into reach

And it's not a love, it's not a love
It's not a love, it's not a love song
It's not a love, it's not a love, it's not a love song
It's not a love, it's not a love, it's not a love song

Song Beneath a Song by Maria Taylor

=====

"by the power of the written word to make you hear, to make you feel... before all, to make you see. That — and no more, and it is everything. If I succeed, you shall find there according to your deserts: encouragement, consolation, fear, charm — all you demand — and, perhaps, also that glimpse of truth for which you have forgotten to ask."

~Joseph Conrad's the Nigger of the Narcissus

hohum napod

2006-12-09T16:03:00.000+08:00

hohum... im bored. every idle minute's wasted on... silly/foolish thougts. and... i miss you. hahay...

nevermore

2006-11-18T21:56:00.000+08:00

i found my way back on that spot

with a brown toad skipping about
through rusty steel fences
to claw up on rocky dirt mounds
its been hours, the orb spider stops
she has woven enough of her masterpiece
all thats left is to lie in wait
for prey to be caught in her trap
a sudden gust of wind flies
and makes its presence known to all
harrassing the greenery about
still the defiant tree stands
for the life of me, i wonder
how far can the toad climb its mountain?
how long will the spider's web hold?
how much can the tree bend before it breaks?
why do they never wail in protest?
their patience is great
but mine has run out
because no stars shone in the moonsea
save for one that fell on me
only to snuff out the last of my light
so for those of you headed this way
know the travails to come
throw yourselves in the midst of danger
but keep one eye open at night

death of her

2006-11-18T21:52:00.000+08:00

everyday she used to think about you
even when you didn't fit anywhere in her life
but how could you smile now
now when the answer in her mind has gone stale
for that question you never risked to ask
she's reminded of how you left her cold
when all she wants is to forget
purged and killed your person
torn and ripped you off of her chest
you shouldn't be here
and with your advance, she steels herself
praying to be kept from your illusions
and that when she leaves to take another form
she chooses to be anything in her next life
but an elephant who remembers her dead

:((

2006-10-26T18:29:00.000+08:00

this is the lost ending to calvin and hobbes. it's quite sad. poor, poor hobbes... got me thinking though... i wish i had calvin's pills. *sighs*

*i stole this from doo . i couldn't help it. :D she just got to it first coz blahblahblahblah.. wahahaha.. peace doobidoo.

suki de doushiyou mo nai

2006-10-23T03:21:00.000+08:00

Doushite onaji you na panchi
Nando mo kuracchaun da

Koi wo shite owari wo tsuge
Chikau koto wa kyou ga saisho no good day

Aki no dorama no saihousou
Sore demo mata tatakaun darou

Sakura sae toki no naka de
Yurete yagate hana wo sakasu yo

O yasumi nasai
Yoi yume o

===

Sayonara! ;P

pahungaw

2006-10-12T02:21:00.000+08:00

gisapot ko karon! i am at my wit's end!!! sige nalang kog ka-ipit sa problema!!!!! leche!!!!!!!!!!! dont make the choices i made sound like it was what i really wanted!!!! gikapoy najud ko ani nga style!!! peste!!! palihog ayaw ko i-pressure karun coz i'm still dealing with the unfair judgment you laid down!!!! i want to go away coz i'm so tired of all this drama!!!!!!!!! soooos.. kung sayun lang jud nga magpalayo, dugay rako nilayo!!! pero dili ko escapist kaya pasalamat jud ky taas kog pasensya!!!!! magpa-ugat pa kog maayo ani! i was trying my best to keep my cool pero kelangan jud ko magpahungaw ky napuno najud ko!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhh... kalami ishagit!!! Lord, tabangi ko ky matuluyan najud kog ka-buang ani.. please.

----

The Bottom Line

You're approaching a critical point. Look upon this day like any other.

In Detail

In a business or school environment, you are approaching a critical point ... but you should look upon this day like any other. The worst thing you can do right now is let yourself get intimidated by certain expectations. If you overthink things, you'll lose perspective and could sell yourself short. If you are feeling a bit uncertain, lean on the folks around you who can help cheer you on or cheer you up. Remember that you know exactly what to do and how to do it.

----

tagos bha?! so who's willing to cheer me up? sige na... hahay... tough.

*can you keep a secret?

soon

2006-10-11T00:34:00.000+08:00

Take care
I've been hurt before
Too much time spent on closing doors
You may hate me, but I'll remember to love you
Goodbye
Don't cry
You know why
And it'll be just as quiet when I leave
As it was when I first got here
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything

All the waves of blame arrange as broken scenery
As they steal your best memories away
What if I was someone different in your only history?
Would you feel the same
As I walk out the door
Never to see your face again
Never to see your face again

And it'll be just as quiet when I leave
As it was when I first got here
It'll be just as quiet when I leave
As it was when I first got here
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything to change when I leave

~Rachael Yamagata - Quiet
===

yes, very soon...

virgohoro 9/29/06

2006-09-29T04:33:00.000+08:00

The Bottom Line

Pick up your feet and get moving toward what you want right now. Just get up and go!

In Detail

If you're waiting for someone to give you their approval to move forward with your plans, you're wasting your time. You don't need any approval from anyone to do what you want to do today ... could you be looking for an excuse to put things off a little longer? Silly you -- don't you know that procrastination is out of style? Pick up your feet and get moving toward what you want right now, because there's no reason for any hesitation. Just get up and go!

====

really now? i'm stuck in a rut and i just cant get out of it... elvin is a prisoner and freedom is past tense.

meet me

2006-09-21T06:20:00.000+08:00

to those who are awfully concerned,

i've been home for almost a month and i really miss the past four months i spent elsewhere. hahay... i would've stayed longer if it weren't for my fruitless exploits. still, i had a blast! thanks to the people i've met and chilled with. nyehehehe...

i miss my blue mansion buddies and their trademark lines:
Bababe - 'bakit ang nacua, magaling sa sex?' bwahahahahaha.. leche ka mel! mingaw nako nimong manyaka ka! bleh! hanggang lips ka lang. lol
KR - 'spell raden... KR!' maski NR (No Response) ni.. ambot nalang jud. asa man tawon ang mama ug papa aning bata?
Squaredy - 'put your ai squared in, put your ai squared out...' balik balik imong luto namo hah! sumo na kaayo ang monggos.. pero oks lang basta ba't musayaw ug Like A Virgin.
Ate Che - *yosi exhalation technique* hahahahaha.. da best. we love ate cheeee...
Lioness - 'wan, to, tre!' champion ni mahubog! and champion sa PDA with Huge.

my cassandras:
Iceland - 'cass, wag ang pekpek ko! ahhhh... rapist!' wala na akong ma-harrass.. dont worry at babanatan kita if and when i get back. hehehe
Langai - 'cass, naay ok-ok!' peste.. hahahaha.. mao ni ang bad influence nako. bleh! di unta niya ni mabasa. :D masbug-at pa raba imong gipadala nga pasalubong kesa sa akong bagahe hah!
Aki - 'huy cass! kahadlok bha! dad-on na tika sa mandaluyong loob bhe!' hahay.. ug naghilak-hilak ni ron ky gimingaw nako.. lol. joke. huy, ingna si baby katong gibilin nako niya ky dapat niya ampingan!

i miss my officemates (PS friends) as well.. nica, rocelle, jeffrey, lurshlee, teeets, airlan, etc.. and lan i still havent returned your ps2 game. shet. just think of that as a parting gift coz i dont think i can work on my clearance anytime soon. nic, just hang in there! you'll do great! :D hehehe.. i miss my solo lunchbreaks mostly spent in kfc, tokyo tokyo, mcdo or sa jolijip. ahhhh.. turbo treats honey mustard and szechuan rice bowl meal!! and yes, i miss my kras. aaaah.. smoking balcony i mishu too. ahahahaha.. :P

gawd, i'll be missing jom, mikki, lu, amping and our nightouts. those were very fun times however rare. avilon zoo/wawa dam was a blast! like i always say "ITS THE JOURNEY, NOT THE DESTINATION." lol! and lu... i'd never forget our coffee sessions in starbs, sbc, figaro and ofcourse CBTL. those precious times wouldn't be the same without em trademark umbrellas! haaaay.. we used to adjourn our sessions round 2am despite the fact that we have work several hours later. twas the life! hohum.. :D and and and.. i told you i'd find the ant.. it just took one mass (which i missed a whole lot btw) for it to happen. i told ya so! hahaha..

cassandras, remember how we used to go out at 10pm almost every night and ride off from one end of the metro to another? ahhh.. i miss that. we've went to all the party places/tambayans worth going to. chillax on weekdays and wasted on weekends. perfect! :D plus, we always went to SM North on sundays for church and meet up with baby after. the days.. tell him he shud treat me to mr. kabab when i get the chance to visit. ahhhh.. t5 sa pioneer grill and then washing/videosingko sa rj's bulalohan! what about our bus/mrt rush hour adventures?! huhuhuhuhu...

and i'll be missing those people who i know would make uber great friends if i had more to time to get to know them better. awww.. for those i failed to meet, treated me out, got to know in random places, etc. i will make it up to you guys SOMEHOW. but while i ain't around, just a word of advice: CHILLAX. :D

basta... i miss a lot of things, places, people, animals, events... all nouns. there's so much to write about and i'll simply run out of space if i'll blabber on.

hohum.. after all that im back to square one at twenty one (uy rhyme! hehehe). yet again, i'm off to find a new job or most probably go back to school. blech. just when i thought i'd find myself there and live a meaningful life, you know? i guess i havent.. and the search is still on. but would i even like me if i met me? wehh..

hahay... things will be better, i know. take it from the champion of hoping be it false or true or tralse. i'm no longer making sense, am i?

oh well.. i just wanna be happy, take it from where i can get it and keep it for as long as i can.

CHILL!

sincerely yours,
me

P.S.
happiness, where do you go when you're gone? i miss you!

this is her story

2006-08-21T21:52:00.000+08:00

She feels like crying to attain some sense of justice but all she could ever muster was a heavy heart with a fainting beat. She wonders if he matters enough, enough for tears to spill from her welling eyes. When she looks at him, who she sees makes her tomorrows but when he looks at her, all he ever finds is a friend. And after a long time of staring into space, she throws me a question, ‘when will I ever weep for that which never existed from the start?’

I fall silent.

He only wants her the way he wants her. He is the sea and like sand on the shore, she wants to be a part of him, completely. Pushed away and pulled back again, she rises up, breaks and falls, forever…

'I love him, ardently,' she says. I felt that word, once. I know this story all too well.

And as if on cue the moonless sky mimics what our hearts seek to hide. 'Its raining. There goes your answer,' I finally reply.

I sip my coffee, hoping to achieve a moment's peace in a cup. All is still.

'What shall happen tonight?'

thousandth hahay

2006-08-07T18:45:00.000+08:00

The sun isn't as magnificent as it used to when you were still around. I want to tell you that but I don't know if I should...

Gawd. I miss you. Badly.

a halloween story

2006-07-26T17:57:00.000+08:00

You are a spirit that sprung out of a chance encounter. It’s curious how I’m the only one to see you when we both float in circumstances shared by many others. That’s why all I could make out are pieces that never fall into place. But what I do know is this; we are the same you and I, ghosts, bound to empty husks forever playing out an unfinished score, a song carrying a hollow tune that never reaches past the twisted note seated next to finality. Yet somehow, very much like an echo that can’t be ignored, yours overpowered mine and it pierced through the anonymity that we anxiously protect. And now that is all that resounds in the haunting where I subsist.

It saddens me to see your beautiful form in unrest, drowned in violent waves that incessantly crash against an unmoving cliff. Yes, I tried to pull you out of your desolation but when I did, a blink was all it took for my hand to easily fly through yours. I knew what was coming for we are numb creatures who would rather spin a broken record than yield to the mended piece. But if your absolution is my song’s meaning then I'll find a way...

I have fallen mute to the world but it matters not because no man will ever find reason why a ghost means to touch a ghost.

Clock

2006-07-17T15:18:00.000+08:00

Timer stops now.

No.

But why?

Maybe because you’re the only one around…

I want to treat you differently but you don’t plan on having that realized, do you?

Let’s play it by ear.

I guess you’re too confident to admit anything, knowing that I’ve been waiting on you. Aren’t you tired because I’m getting there fast?

Ambiguity is fine with me.

It once was. You keep me guessing. That’s all you could ever give me... I wish I knew your face so that you’ll no longer be a stranger to me. But I will have to settle with this, don’t I?

I don’t know.

Stars fall, you know and I’m hanging on for yours... Oh well, if not in this lifetime there’s always the next. Won’t you say goodbye and get this over with?

You’re funny.

And you once said that you’re amused with making some people bleed. Am I on that same list because if I am, I’m an ounce close to drying out?

*sighs*

It’ll be a year in three months. Why don’t you make those hands tick faster so that I’ll get there sooner?

…

Please rid me of this illusion, so I wouldn’t have to ask questions you’d never answer.

what's your wish?

2006-07-10T18:44:00.000+08:00

i wish i never cared so that I wouldn't be dying everyday. mao lang na. bow. thank you.

take a hint

2006-06-22T12:38:00.000+08:00

Doh! Sumo sa tanang sumo! You always end up messing your life and you run to me, asking for whatever comfort you can get. But no matter how many times we talk, nothing I say ever gets through to you. For countless times, I’ve sincerely offered you my counsel, you say you’ll try and then the next thing I know we’re back to zero.

I am sick, sick of you for piling up one problem after another and having me hear it over and over again. I’ve been your scapegoat for so long. Yes, I understand that I’m the only person you can really talk to but whatever-we’re-in right now, it’s not helping the both of us. You’re not learning and at the same time the weight of whatever-we-have isn’t getting me anywhere. It was fun but I can’t be just the shrink forever. I have problems too, you know, and I plan on resolving them. And the first on my list, is YOU.

You should know that I hate goodbyes but with you it’s not as difficult as I expected it to be. I had fun last night. Why? Because I never got to think about you, worry about you, talk about you. Not having you around in every waking minute of my day might make my life better.
But you should know that while writing this I felt my conscience throwing boulders at me. Don’t ever think that you didn’t matter because you DID. Well, maybe you still do for just a tiny bit. Aftershocks I guess. I’ve spent so many months with you and that’s enough to have me pick a handful of wonderful moments to bring with me. The times we shared were beautiful but I want something that’s consistent, clear, tangible… something deeper. A validation of all of those things you never gave me, things you could never give. I know it’s selfish, I know it may be unfair on your part because you’ve never done anything harsh but there’s always a time when one needs to move out of unproductive relationships. As for me, that time is now.

Sayonara. Ciao. Au Revoir. Adios. Goodbye.

It should’ve just been you I bid farewell to and not... someone else. Hahay. It’s bothersome having to start over again but I’ll find someone who’ll show me why it never worked between you and me.

Time will reveal.

sorta goodbye

2006-06-14T14:59:00.000+08:00

Yes, i am the wind,
flying past one desert to another.
and you are the Bedouin, burnt dry,
yet too proud to wash yourself with me

I would have been the one carrying the rain,
water that would quell your long drought.
But never given that chance,
I am spent.

I will run past dunes and sandstorms, again,
when i would've wanted to stay a bit longer.
Still, I am content at that one shot
of having been able to cool your parched soul.

I have lingered enough in your oasis
and so with flight i will find closure.
And though the relief i could’ve given is rare,
those days are gone.

***

its funny how you spurred me to draw near although the nearest i could get was still too far to see your face yet close enough to see your chains. i would've unchained you if you wanted me to but you didn't. i guess i'll never be the boy who'll set you free. now, i'm so far from home but i haven't gone anywhere.

=====

this post is long overdue. i am happy (?)

sanamanipud

2006-06-05T15:05:00.000+08:00

it seems that the only option i have right now is to wait for that star with your name to fall. please make this easier for me.

ouch indeed.

2006-06-01T15:15:00.000+08:00

magbisaya ko kay gikapoy nakog sigeg english. walay magbuot. dugo sa ilong ang maabtan sa mupalag. so... gimingaw nako sa akong superfriends. wala mo kabalo sa kamingaw nga akong gibati ky wala mo diri. pasensya na kung sauna murag gisayun sayun ra nako ang atong pag-uban pero karon rajud nidulot ang akong paghinangup ninyo. hahay... ambot lang. wala man gud koy makasturya diri. unya ug naa man gani, binuang ra halos ang sturya. kanang naay oras para sa pagpakatawa pero naa pod higayun nga dapat sineryoso ang sturya, diba?
ambot nganu napadpad ko aning lugara oi. mao man pod ni akong gusto, para ma-independent. wala ko nagdahum nga akong gipangita ky bahin ra sa pagpanginabuhi, kundili apil pod diay sa uban butang... hahay. naa unta mo diri mga superfriends para naa koi mapagawsan sa akong gibati. it's really lonely not having you guys around especially when i'm at my weakest.
i know that 2006 should be our year but we're already half way through and nothing seems to be going right. i hope we can make it up for what's left of this year. cheers to us!
as for you, gikapoy nakog dula.. kanus-a paman ka makabati nga.. ahhhh, wala. i'll just leave it as it is then. di man gud pod ko kabalo unsaon pagsturya nimo. mapalaw pa lang ko. swerte kaayo ka. hahay.
trabaho nako.

thought cloud

2006-05-14T14:58:00.000+08:00

don't you notice how im beginning to retrace my steps?
sad, isn't it?
that you're gone and i'm walking back.

a-okay

2006-05-11T21:16:00.000+08:00

okay, updates? well i had a weird dream again. the kind that you shouldn't feel good about but hits you in all the right places, ya know? oh well, it was just a stupid scenario my unconscious self conured anyway but still... hahay.

as for my decision to work elsewhere.. erm.. it's been good. the first few weeks was torture though. but everthings been going smoothly since i found a new place (aircon=heaven). hehehehe.. and ill be getting my first pay this friday! yey..

life's okay. work's okay.

i smile and laugh often especially since my new friends call me tanga (or anything synonymous to that) due to my clumsiness/forgetfullness/carelessness and what have you.

everything's OKAY, really.

but im not happy.

ugly.

virgohoro 5/5/06

2006-05-05T19:26:00.000+08:00

The Bottom Line
You're extremely capable of seeing what needs to be done and making progress today!

In Detail
Your emotional vision is a perfect 20-20 today -- you will finally see things in a clear, honest way. With little mystery left, the choice will be clear for you. Saying goodbye is surprisingly easy today when you know that this fork in the road holds two very rewarding (yet opposite) plans for each of you. You now see that staying on the same path is a mistake for one of you. You're entering a strong selfless phase that will keep your heart warm even when you're missing people you love.
====
is this really is it? wehehehehehehe.. i don't have much to say so there. :D

Why God made Mums - BRILLIANT

2006-04-24T11:00:00.000+08:00

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions !!!

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mum just the same like he made me. He Just used
bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything
nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly
use string, I think.

Why did God give you Your mother & not some other mum?
1.We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mums like
me.

What kind of little girl was your mum?
1. My mum has always been my mum and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be
pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mum need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get
drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and
YES to chores?

Why did your mum marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mum eats a
lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mum didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mum doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a
goof ball.
2. Mum. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under
the bed.
3. I guess Mum is, but only because she has a lot more
to do than dad.

What's the difference between mums & dads?
1. Mums work at work and work at home & dads just go to work at
work.
2. Mums know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but mums have all the real power
'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your
friend's.

4. Mums have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mum do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mum perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind
of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mum, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get
rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mum smarter. Then she would know it was my sister
who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the
back of her head.
========
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwww... mishu ma!

letter read

2006-04-15T03:10:00.000+08:00

Time passes by while I wait for your call
Time passes by; I hear nothing at all

And I'm afraid, and I can't breathe,
And I'm in love with you
But you are not with me
And I have put so much into a life
I made too much about you now to lie

-Rachael Yamagata

===

SHIT! this again! GO AWAY ill fate! bug someone else!

"It's better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you're stupid than to open it and remove all doubt." - Rami Belson

that quote makes better sense. i'm on to something with a better tune than hopeful hopes. this is as far as it gets. resolve, WORK this time 'round, if you please!

it's irksome how i always end up ranting hazy mind speak! i'm not in my best condition, and add to that, jack johnson songs are playing (one of virginal's recommends)! this is great! *grim face* thanks for rubbing it in vaginal! i can hear the bomb steadily tickin' smack in the middle of my shrivelled brain, it's frustrating! my head's gonna blow sooner or later!

if only the jedi council would fill back the hollow caused by the force being cut off from me.. all i can hear now are disturbing echoes (and yes, the ticking). TOINK! it's as if i can't feel the universe. DOUBLE TOINK! to any jedi master who happens to read this knight's desperate plea for help, please give me back my connection and viridian double-bladed lightsaber (darth maul style, ofcourse!) so that i can fully operate as a force-user again. i miss dismembering sith agents! :(

pweh! this isn't getting me anywhere!somebody strike me down with a back-to-your senses hammer! hit me hard enough to get my rationality workin' but not too much to cause brain trauma, ayt?

hahay, me and my wild imaginings..

oh crap! look at the time, chewy and the rest must be waiting for me. i was sent to fetch the latest navicomputer, you see but i just had to make a quick stop in some backwater planet's internet cafe (yes, we still call it that :P). but then again, this has bought me some time to breathe cleaner air compared to that of the ship's gamorreanesque stink. and to think we've gone as far as hyperspace travel yet the rest of the crew can't seem to figure out an air freshener's press-to-spray mechanism. i'll go pick lysol-EX right before we pull the anchor. this is Nacel Zhili, signing out.

take a bow

2006-04-13T02:07:00.000+08:00

Make them laugh, it comes so easy
When you get to the part
Where you're breaking my heart
Hide behind your smile
All the world loves a clown
Wish you well, I cannot stay
You deserve an award
For the role that you played
No more masquerade
You're one lonely star

-madonna
=====

thanks ods for singing this song. i had a great time at the karaoke with no one unfortunate enough to listen to my singing(?). was it? it sounded more like screaming with a tinge of country/punk/rock to it. hehehe.. you let out caged thoughts into the light, squirming.

this is just nuthr one of those nights. it will pass. spare me. :D

a scratch is enough

2006-04-10T03:29:00.000+08:00

konbanwa! look who's back.. i am! not that i'm expecting fireworks to greet my return (it wudv been nice tho) but don'tcha miss me? yes, i'm talking to you! since you're the only one who ever bothers to peruse through this page. so i'm back. what now? uhm you see, i've been kinda busy trying to make something out of the weekend. whether it interests you or not, i'll still tell no matter how pointless. let's begin. i went to the mall and watched three movies in one day.
- ice age 2 was crazy! my favourite part was when sid was crowned as the mini sloths' fire king and they did this impressive tribal number, only to be made a sacrificial offering. it was also good to see more of manfred's soft side even though he maintained being the unapologetic mammoth that he was. it was a fun movie all in all and if you took it in, you'll learn something very important: mammoths can confuse themselves for something else (possums for that matter). i'm not sure if humans have the same luxury. hahaha...

- next up was ultraviolet. i found it having relied on special effects too much, if only to compensate for milla jovovich's detached portrayal of violet. the only moment worth mentioning was the dialogue between v and garth, which went like this, g: "why won't you let anyone in?" v: "as beautiful as those moments are, they're evil when they're gone." i agree with her on that, indeed it is an evil thing - traitorous. but now that i'm past that, let me give my final verdict on the film. the movie's overall presentation was "stylish" and it can't get any deeper than that.
- finally, i trodded on to the third cinema showing the date movie, which turned out to be a lousy teen-movie spoof of previous romantic-comedies. if it weren't for alyson hannigan, i wouldn't have bothered. sheeesh... i miss willow! she's better off playing the ruthless lesbo witch in buffy the vampire slayer coz i just can't see her not throwing black balls of mystic energy. plus, she had the best looking evil eyes ever. BLACK!
after binging on movies, i bought a new murakami novel, south of the border, west of the sun. i have a new book to while away my time with! yahoo!
other than those i mentioned, i also went out with cousins back from manila and cebu. B's back with her stories and her beach-outing plans. and Lai, will find a place for us back in boni! YEY! i pray everything will work out! please Lord! :)
"You may feel inspired by some surprising revelations today. Keep travel in mind." i'll put that in mind dear horo. but what's inspiration without a huge dose of active integration, ryt? that wasn't supposed to rhyme.. errr.. i can't wait till after holy week. it will be better. i just know it. here's my stop. sayonara!

wapak!

2006-03-27T02:16:00.000+08:00

i feel sorry for superheroes, especially when they hafta put others first before themselves. why do they have to be burdened with that responsibility? its not like they chose to be born that way! can't people at least be thankful that they use their powers for good and not think of it as a mass privilege. others say that's what they have to deal with because that's what they're supposed to do - their purpose. but when will they ever have the time to do what they want and not do what others want them to? yes, superheroes save the day (everyday) but hey.. give em some slack. i don't know about you, but they deserve a day off since i'm sure, that in the back of their minds, they're itching to have some r&r. vacation, anyone? what's a day or two to take matters in our own hands AND not dial the superheroes-do-it-for-ya hotline, ryt?

i know it's a bit off topic but i was watching naruto (ninjas this time. hehe..) and i remembered an early episode when sasuke was unconscious (he looked like a human pin cushion after battling with haku) and sakura was trying mighty hard to hold back her tears (but ofcourse being the sissy that she is, she cried eventually). why'd she push herself not to cry you ask? you see, it's in their handbook - rule number 25 states that the mission comes first, being attached/giving in to emotions is a no no. this is a fairly important guideline for em maybe because it enables them to think rationally/unclouded. right, right! it's the most logical option but hey, one can't have the mind rule all of the time. honestly, no human can live up to that credo... i know i can't! why is it that some people allow themselves to be dictated by the "mission?"

i'm not getting anywhere, am i? those are the only analogies i could ever think of. garsh, i suck. hehehe... the fact of the matter is, i'm no superhero/ninja and yet i sure feel like i have a lot on my already aching shoulders. i may not be as passionate as superheroes or as zealous as ninjas, but hey, i do have superheroic/ninjaesque tendencies. God, help! i can't be this semi-mindless robot forever. i need a break, a KITKAT (i'll have them make a mega-sized variant that'll take a full year to gobble up)! if not then i'll have my kunai at the ready and it just might go flying your way, or would you rather have kinetically charged cards at you? choose your pick. pfffft... i would give anything just to fly right now. wait, im not that desperate yet. ~~anything~~. something, maybe.

before all of this dawned on me i was uploading a few songs for my bolt account. you might find something attuned to your tastes (but i'm not counting on it) so check it out if you must.

o-yasumi nasai! ohayou! whatever.

Back then

2006-03-18T02:22:00.000+08:00

"Oo"

Di mo lang alam, naiisip kita
Baka sakali lang maisip mo ako
Di mo lang alam, hanggang sa gabi
Inaasam makita kang muli
Nagtapos ang lahat sa di inaasahang
Panahon at ngayon ako'y iyong iniwang
Luhaang sugatan't di-mapakinabangan
Sana nagtanong ka lang kung di mo lang alam
Sana'y nagtanong ka lang kung di mo lang alam
Ako'y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo namang
Hindi mo lang alam kay tagal nang panahon
Ako'y nandirito parin hanggang ngayon, para sayo
Lumipas mga araw na ubod ng saya
Di parin nagbabago ang aking pagsinta
Kung ako'y nagkasala, patawad na sana
Ang puso kong pagal ngayon lang nagmahal
Di mo lang alam ako'y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo namang
Puro siya nalang sana'y ako naman
Di mo lang alam ika'y minamasdan
Sana'y iyong mamalayang hindi mo lang pala alam
Di mo lang alam, kahit tayo'y magkaibigan lang
Bumabalik lahat sa tuwing nag kukulitan
Baka sakali lang, maisip mo namang
Ako'y nandito lang, hindi mo lang alam
Matalino ka naman
Kung ikaw, at ako ay tunay na bigo
Sa laro na ito, ay dapat bang sumuko
Sana'y di ka nalang pala aking nakilala
Kung alam ko lang ako'y yong masasaktan ng ganito
Sana'y nakinig nalang ako sa nanay ko
Di mo lang alam ako'y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo namang
Puro siya nalang o, sana'y ako naman
Di mo lang alam ika'y minamasdan
Sana'y iyong mamalayang hindi mo lang pala alam...
Malas mo.. Ikaw ang natipuhan ko
Di mo lang alam ako'y iyong nasaktan

=====

Lucky you, I never squealed. Don't fret. My sentiments are of the past tense. Even without your knowing, thank you for making it easier for me.

And on a lighter note, Final Fantasy 12 was just released in Japan! aaaaaaaah... I can't wait for the American release. 'Em pirates better be quick.

I no longer feel like a moth to sad songs. Congratulate me. :D

warning

2006-03-13T16:02:00.000+08:00

i had another one of my quirky dream episodes last night. then, somebody was dancing ecstatically (with arms flailing about) on a dismal stage while taunting me to dance. i dont want to point out the strange details but it was darn funny in an immensely unexpected way. can it get any weirder? i must be close to breaking my sane-insane limit huh? sound the alarm!

i dont think so...

2006-03-12T21:57:00.000+08:00

Elvin, your true color is Blue!

You're blue — the most soothing shade of the spectrum. The color of a clear summer sky or a deep, reflective ocean, blue has traditionally symbolized trust, solitude, and loyalty. Most likely a thoughtful person who values spending some time on your own, you'd rather connect deeply with a few people than have a bunch of slight acquaintances. Luckily, making close friends isn't that hard, since people are naturally attracted to you — they're soothed by your calming presence. Cool and collected, you rarely overreact. Instead, you think things through before coming to a decision. That level-headed, thoughtful approach to life is patently blue — and patently you!
What's Your True Color?
=====

say what? this can't be me, can it?

Luckily, making close friends isn't that hard, since people are naturally attracted to you — they're soothed by your calming presence. - what the fart!? dont make me laugh.

other than that, there's a tad bit of truth with the result (all good points ofcourse. hehe) but i would've wanted it to be black coz it plays well with my "gothic" ensemble. tough! nyaha! just messin' with ya. :P

a song for the sigurist

2006-03-11T14:29:00.000+08:00

Crazy as it all plays out
I think I'm lonelier than I've ever been before
'Cause I was so close
To going through that door
But I don't want to be to blame for them
I don't want to be to blame

Oh, would you please get out from under my skin?
'Cause I can't begin this yet
And I don't know what my intentions are
They're speaking in a different tongue
And, deep inside, I'm not as tough as I seem
But I won't let you know
Until it's right, I'm gonna stay my distance, and you should go
Oh, would you please get out
I'm not as strong as I seem, but I won't let you know
====

Under My Skin by Rachael Yamagata

...and i couldn't have said it any better.

this time: i pray i'll have it easy. please?

because i dont want to bore you with my usual banter, because i dont want words to limit what my mind speaks, and simply because i'm just tired of talking, that's all there is to it. really.

tawa ta na? *chokes out a laugh* it's not working.

hahahahaY.

reunited

2006-03-08T14:50:00.000+08:00

i got myself wasted AGAIN after months of self-restraint. it was hilarious. just the master and myself. it's amazing how we managed to find ourselves home inspite of the heavy intoxication. once there, i immediately fell on our couch, not forgetting to puke and murmur every once in a while. i slept downstairs and woke up with an instant greeting from my visiting aunt who sat opposite from where i dozed on.

aunt: "nganu diri man ka natulog langga?"
*still too tired to answer*
ate: "nabilar na sya sa thesis"
aunt: "kaluoy pod tawon"
ate: "ana man na siya pag naay project"
*ana gud tawon!*

good thing ate got me covered. i had dried-up patches of puke-stuff on my cheeks. my breath stank (still does, actually). leche! and my head hurts everytime i sit up. heads.. darnit!

r1: "nganu naghubog man ka? abi ko nagbuhat ka sa imong thesis"
me: "humana naman gud"
r1: "ayaw na ni usba elvin hah."
me: "lagi... sakit kaayo akong ulo"
r1: "da! kabalo man diay ka nga mao nang mahitabo nimo unya gibuhat jud"
me: "lagi... dili na lagi ko muusab. dili najud ko muinom."
*yeah ryt! hehehehe...*

;-P

plans

2006-02-28T20:43:00.000+08:00

The best gift anyone can give me this new year is a planner. I like planners because I am a planner. I like thinking ahead. I like being prepared. I get a high from being on top of things. But some things are beyond planning. And life doesn't always turn out as planned.

You don't plan for a broken heart.
You don't plan for a failed business venture.
You don't plan for an adulterous husband.
Or a wife who wants you out of her life.
You don't plan for an autistic child.
You don't plan for spinsterhood.
You don't plan for a lump in your breast.

You plan to be young forever.
You plan to climb the corporate ladder.
You plan to be rich and powerful.
You plan to be acclaimed and successful.
You plan to conquer the universe.
You plan to fall in love - and be loved forever.

You don't plan to be sad.
You don't plan to be hurt.
You don't plan to be broke.
You don't plan to be betrayed.
You don't plan to be alone in this world.

You plan to be happy.
You don't plan to be shattered.

Sometimes if you work hard enough, you can get what you want. But most times, what you want and what you get are two different things.

We, mortals, plan. But so does God in the heavens. Sometimes, it is difficult to understand God's plans - especially when His plans are not in consonance with ours. Often, when God sends us crisis, we turn to Him in anger. True, we cannot choose the cross that God wishes us to carry, but we can carry that cross with courage knowing that God will never abandon us nor send something we cannot cope with.

Sometimes, God breaks our spirit to save our soul.
Sometimes, He breaks our heart to make us whole.
Sometimes, God sends us pain so we can be stronger.
Sometimes, God sends us failure so we can be humble.
Sometimes, God sends us illness so we can take better care of ourselves.
Sometimes, God takes everything away from us so we can learn the value of everything He gave us.

Make plans but understand that we live by God's grace.
====
im not much of a planner, really. but somehow, this here hits home.

i will graduate. arrrr.. and when that time comes, watch out world. nyah!

i pray.

yada yada

2006-02-27T15:04:00.000+08:00

"i'm too forgiving for my own good. darnit! she's right you know... i mustn't let anyone come to me when they need a good kick. im supposed to be the vampireboy. THE vampireboy. i'm the one who bites and not the other way around. i really should relive my title before i completely fail my rights to passage. ack! by dusk tomorrow i'll refurbish my mausoleum and dig out my old ensemble. i'm tired of playing the happy hour boy. halloween's over.

BUT i think i've said this before. darnit. i've been on replay ever since i learned to be UNapathetic. when will i ever learn? when will i ever learn? when will i ever learn? i'm a broken record.

'sometimes people put up walls to see who cares enough to knock them down.' but that isn't the case right now and it shouldn't have been back then, or so i would like to believe. the sound your hammers and power drills make as it bangs against my brick wall is way too deafening. my ears bleed.

please, make this easier for me. disappear if you must. hush. stop. i hope you get it right this time. you who? well your guess is as good as mine.

friends, thanks for your time. really."

elvin's bitching about imaginary assailants again. he's back! oh crap! take him to the crazy house already.

crummier. virgohoro 02-26-06

2006-02-22T00:39:00.000+08:00

i anticipated this. it has come.

when temporary highs are no longer enough to keep me aloft.

i need something that spells ever after.

the kind that wont take to the air by dawn.

one that will keep me flying for the hours after and the hours in between.

what else is there?
==

The Bottom Line

When in doubt, go for romance today. Invest some energy on your heart and soul.

In Detail

Being brazen has its advantages. First of all, it's extremely appealing to prospective suitors and an absolute magnet for friends. It's fire, and whether it's in a fireplace or in a person's attitude doesn't matter. That famously hypnotic quality is still there. Someone who wants to woo you, for a variety of reasons, will show you more than a little bit of fire right now, and you'll find it quite appealing. Play the game, though. Don't let on just yet.
==
why do i even bother?

no brain, no pain.

or should i just bury this with the rest of the trash i horde? how long can i keep at it? up until the bent spoon breaks through my skin?

God, i'm running out of stars to pin my wishes. but thank you for letting them out to play with my dragon's breath

seeds

2006-02-15T13:04:00.000+08:00

"Thoughts lead on to purposes

Purposes go forth in action

Actions form habits

Habits decide character

And character fixes our destiny."

~The quote i chose for my HS yearbook 4 years ago. I pray that i get to do the same this March.

what kind of soul are you?

2006-02-13T23:24:00.000+08:00

You Are a Dreaming Soul
Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world. So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time. You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all... But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult.

You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you. Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses. Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others. Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life.
http://blogthings.com/whatkindofsoulareyouquiz/

~tough.

"God will never leave you EMPTY,
He will replace everything you've LOST.
If He asks you to put something DOWN,
it's because He wants you to PICK-UP something GREATER."

~yeba!

flow

2006-02-12T21:23:00.000+08:00

I'm always swimming against the flow of the tide.

Kissing the life into something thats already died.

I've been drowning forever.

I'll let go.

I'll dive into the river and flow.

a test of faith

2006-02-10T17:00:00.000+08:00

i've been cramming and stressing for a week, and nothing paid off. the only thing i had going for me were prayers. just when i thought it was all hopeless, something incredible just happened. YES!

i'm off the danger zone but there's still a lot of work to be done. a little more and i'll be home free. :D

God never turns to give us a deaf ear. Have faith and He'll work his miracles! I know, because i just got one. Lord, thank you!

------

The Bottom Line

You can't help someone who doesn't want it. You must wait until they're ready.

In Detail

You've been extremely busy lately -- and busy, by your standards, is hectic, frenetic and unbearably stressful to most of the rest of us. However, you've just realized that it's just about the weekend and you're coming into some free time. Get busy, then -- in a different way -- and use this time to your advantage. Call every playmate you know you should have called weeks ago, make plans and resolve that there will be absolutely no work. None whatsoever.
===
funny horoscope.. IF ONLY i could have it easy this weekend. darn it. ABSOLUTELY NO WORK my ARSE! pfffft...

why do people think that?

2006-02-05T08:14:00.000+08:00

i went out drinking last night - all by myself. with a book and cig in hand, i attacked the local "tambayan" with a strong determination to accomplish my goal...

the mission: read sputnik sweetheart up until i'm too dizzy to even bother comprehending a single line.

with three bottles of beer down in less than 45 minutes i can't say that i got drunk, just a bit lightheaded. i planned on getting a fourth order but not even the cig helped me from my distaste of beer. hehe... so i simply went on reading and managed to cover a good 40-50 pages of the murakami novel. every now and then people came up to me and invited me to their table AND like always, i declined. i've gotten used to that scenario, that's why i never go on solo adventures without my "i'm fine being solitary" line at the ready "it's alright. i'll be leaving in a few minutes anyway. thanks" can't they see that being alone doesn't necessarily equate with loneliness? i'm perfectly fine being the only person on a bench, or a table for that matter. i appreciate the "concern" but it's all good, REALLY! maybe next time i should wear a (do not disturb) sign huh?

it was an uneventful night. mission failed, i guess... not to mention i almost hit a motorcycle. ehe.

she said

2006-02-03T23:05:00.000+08:00

i hate you for always being there. for picking me up for our yo-sessions almost every night. i hate you for making me nice testimonials and for making my friendster profile pretty. i hate you for picking me up at 12 midnight to see mars and for sitting right next to me in the park. i hate you for being so understanding of my eccentricities. and for not misjudging the way i act and the things i say. i hate your for laughing with me, shouting with me and consoling me whenever i'm worried or sad. i hate you for being so good at dancing and for being so game in everything. i hate you so, so, so much for being a friends and i sometimes hate myself for loving the things you do and the things you say. as our old line goes, "i hate loving you!" i hate you for being my fan at dzyr's... ahem... i hate you for not coming home to say goodbye. i so, so, so hate you nax. i hate you and karla for making me cry. i hate you for making me hate leaving... but then again, i have to. i hate you for not giving my cd's back. i hope you make that a reason to visit me in cebu. oh yeah, i hate you for making me drink beer. i hate beer! i hate you and i don't ever want to thank you for everything. you've made me so sad for not spending my last day in ili with me. i hate you and i hope you won't take care of yourself even if i wanted you to coz i care. i hate you slutboy! pervert! i hate you coz i'm pretty sure that i won't ever find another one like you in cbu. you won't find another on like me either! serves you right! i hate you slutboy!! i abhor you! i hope you'll show your ass in cebu one of these days so i could pinch it real hard. you deserve that punishment! i hate you, i hate you, i hate you!

=======

sheeeesh, she sure does hate me. oh well, i guess i hate her too. hehehe...

pug

2006-02-02T22:33:00.000+08:00

"What can i do

to find myself

a new chew toy?

Whisper it to me,

please.

I'll do whatever it takes

to fill the empty box

you pulled it out of."

With head hung low,

and a sad face on,

Freud whimpered.

He always looks the same so nobody really knows what he wants.

I feel for you doggy.

I really do.

Hahay...

Soon.

no-frills

2006-01-30T17:47:00.000+08:00

Friday - rhede and cousins

* First time in days that I went on a night out. To start off, Pulah treated me to dinner at Zoey's. It was very startling - I can't even remember the last time she offered to do that! But who would ever pass up a free meal right? I don't know bout you but I sure won't. Hehehehe... but really it came with good reason - it was her birthday on the 23rd and Friday’s the only feasible date to celebrate it with me. So i ordered garden salad while she went with seafood noodles and blueberry cheesecake, with my recommendation of course. even though we were quite full, she ordered fish and fries after our initial feast just for the heck of it... and maybe with a "bit" of prodding on my part. *evil grin* a live acoustic band was playing so we lounged a bit and cracked silly jokes until we found ourselves wanting to move out due to the constant flow of mushy songs. We landed on the hill where we caught up on our life stories and took pictures to show to our "other" friend. It would've gone longer but she had her curfew and i had an intense need to use a portalet or whatever. Hahay... I dropped her home and I sped to my aunt's place to use their CR.
* Later that night, I watched a band competition with my cousins till 12mn. My three other cousins, Tot, King, and Kating were playing with their respective bands. They rocked the place with powerful and upbeat tunes. Cheers to my talented cousins! Next to them, my inability to excel in music is greatly magnified. Leche! :D The night was culminated in a bar with lots of people ready for some action. hehehe... but we're all good boys and girls so nothing horrifyingly obscene happened in our circle. We didn't even order any alcoholic drinks! Yahoo!
* Went home and slept at 5am.

Saturday - 3 bottles of tandu Jr.

* I didn’t get much sleep because my ate woke me up around 10am, which only meant 5 hours of sleep. We usually go to Cagayan de Oro during weekends - this was one of those days. When we got to Ketkai, I rushed to check up on the new RPG games available - I ended up buying Wild ARMs 4. geeeeez... out of all the RPGs I ever bought, the only ones I've finished are those of the final fantasy series. There are loads of other games I have yet to finish and this latest addition is bound to be another one of those. Hehe... also, I had Lu's gift refilled. Yey! But I think the saleslady broke it. Boo! With nothing much to do, I watched Zathura, one of those movies worth getting slept at - and I did, for a good 15 minutes.
* Tried out this new restaurant called KIS (Kambingan, Isdaan, Sisigan).
* Later, I went out with a cousin dying to go clubbing after a week-long voluntary probation (very much like my self-imposed curfew of 9pm). My cousin Lowe’s (who just went back to Cebu) boo whose birthday was on the following day, also came along. We gave her a pre-birthday bash at this club where we danced (just to let the sweat out) and drank (2 bottles of Tandu Jr. Ehe). People were getting freaky on top of their tables and the crowd got worked up with the not-so-female ledge dancers putting on a show, if you know what I mean. Ehe... but what's really weird was that approximately half of the population was composed of HS students. Sheesh, kids these days. Tsk, tsk, tsk...
* Right after, we moved to this station where we continued our drinking session (one more Tandu) and spent what's left of the early morn talking. Hahay... I don’t want to go on with the specifics but it was consumed by mushy talk. *cringes* last Tandu down and everything just flowed out for the both of them while I remained the spectator. From their conversation - it’s clear that the L word IS suicide. *LOL* but the lesson of the story - we will always have our true friends (cousins included) to crawl back to when nothings going right. And in two hours time, we were all feeling warm and fuzzy inside. Awwwwwww... please, can somebody strangle me? Anyone?
* Got home and slept at about 4:30am.

Sunday - hunting hidden books

* We went to church around 11am. I hadn't been to church in weeks; I still need to pay Him back with my spiritual shortcomings... BIG TIME.
* We then moved on to lunch. Instead of heading straight to fast food chains, the "elders" chose not to and suggested we check out what's cooking in the food court. Food there was cheap compared to other mall-restos so we had many options. I had a filling lunch of Pinoy cuisine - Bicol express, kare kare, dinugu-an/sampayna, etc. Lami...
* Like the day before, I ended up watching a movie - with Narnia and Zathura already in my seen list, and the third movie having this forgettable quality to it (its title I couldn't even remember. see? it is forgettable!), In Her Shoes was the only option. the movie had a light-hearted feel to it. the only thing I found remotely interesting was the first poem Cameron's character (dyslexic btw) read to the retired professor. I think it was One Art by Elizabeth Bishop - nice.
* After the film, I finally bought the books I’ve been eyeing since October! I was ecstatic to find them still; in the exact shelves I hid them. *evil laugh*
1. Sputnik Sweetheart by Haruki Murakami
2. Gathering Blue by Lois Lowry
3. The Sandman - Book of Dreams by Neil Gaiman
4. Lirael by Garth Nix
I was like a child working his way through a toy store. I would've wanted to buy the Wind-Up Bird Chronicle (Haruki Murakami) and Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden) but I was out of budget. Darn it! And because I feared natio will run out of those copies the next time I get back, I tucked them in inconspicuous nooks of different shelves. I hope nobody will come across my super secret hiding place *crosses fingers* hehehehehehe...
* We went back HOME. I was too tired to go out. Waited for drowsiness to seep in. slept at 1am. hehehe... good boy. :D

Monday - the present

* Here I am in front of a computer, blogging and hoping that today wont be exactly the same as every other day. It’s a good thing that I have new friends whose stories I am very much eager to hear. They should keep me from worrying about Mundania for a week or so. And now that my fingers are too tired to go on typing, I'm off to page 152… Please Sumire, amuse me.

what's a good title for this one?

2006-01-23T21:41:00.000+08:00

i was damn pissed last night! the house was full of people hanging around to watch the pacquiao fight (delayed telecast) and even extended their stay till evening to witness the new grand champion of star in a million! plus my cousins were making so much ruckus with the videogames! i needed space, and lots of it! arrrrrrrr... God knows how much i detest noise and guests who stay longer than expected! but most importantly, i lost my unopened pack of cigarettes and somebody jammed a pellet of mentos powergum in my lighter! imagine that! whoevere's behind it must be really wicked to play a mean trick like that. shame on you whoever you are!

steaming with anger, i hastily went out without even having dinner. and to think the main course was afritada! *lami* but i was too irked to eat just then. i drove around a bit and texted my friends (using my father's phone. hehe) if they wanted to hang out. none of them replied! my temper reached new heights until finally i got an unexpected text from maya (unexpected because she rarely asks to hang-out with me) - she wanted to chill with a few of her friends, after eating that is. i had no other option so i zoned in on manuelito's bbq house where they were eating. when i got there, i realized that i only had forty pesos on me... not much to warrant a hearty meal of isaw/chicken bbq/longganisa/rice and a pack of cigarettes. well, i chose to buy myself the cig (stupid no? hehehe) to make up for the pack i lost. still, P40 wasnt enough but i assured myself that i could borrow money from them later. so i sat there, watching and waiting until they were full. moving on, we headed straight to starmart. they ordered the usual, tanduay and sprite. demn! i wanted to drink but chose not to in the end coz the stolen pack continued to haunt me. unable to hold it any longer, i asked if they could lend me P32 (desperate times bring desperate measures) but they were all empty, that they spent it on the alcohol already.. how embarassing! frustrated, i dug around my messenger bag and discovered plenty of one peso coins, which i managed to store the past week. the coins amounted to P37, add to that the P40 in my wallet and i ultimately ended up having P77 - just enough to buy ANOTHER pack with P5 to spare. GLORY! so i headed straight for the counter and got what i planned on getting and left them in their tandu session for some alone-time.

if there's one place that could clear up my clouded mind, it would've to be THE hill. i just wanted to sit there and enjoy the view ALONE. but when i got there, several people were around so i just had to compromise. i decided on a distant bench where i sat by myself, while the other benches were occupied by a group of three friends, a 30 sumthing couple, and a family of 5! how sad can this picture get!? i was the odd person out, puffing one stick after another.. they must've thought i was weird - a loner! well they're actually right. *ehe* and to make it worse, the couple had a cassette with them and my classmates' sembreak song was playing! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrr.. torment!

after several sticks, i finally found my happy place... THE hill has always been the antidote for my melancholic episodes, ALWAYS. there's nothing magical about it really... it overlooks the city, there's an old mango tree with glowing fruit thingies (some are burnt out btw), mini-lamp posts, concrete and steel benches, a murky fountain, blahblahblah... but it has been the focal point for many of my fondest memories.. must be why i find peace there... because it connects me to those meaningful days of past. toink!

after an ample dose of clarity, i went back home early - 9pm! in metro standards, that's way too early. hahay... but i felt better so i found no other reason to stay longer... back home, i finally acknowledged my stomach's protest so i ordered two donuts and two bunwiches (tuna AND ham and cheese). what joy! i was feeling much much better with my hunger sated when surprise of all surprises, mega called to check up on me! awwwww... that (and some other things i forgot) just made my day. then i slept happy.

all that fuss over a pack of cigarettes. sheesh! who's the petty one now? me. urk.

this is old

2006-01-21T19:54:00.000+08:00

What makes a man so weak that he leads himself into his own undoing? Where can one find the power to keep everything on his calloussed palm? Whose hand plays the most critical role in spinning our life-thread?

Excuse the silly queries of one who's being swallowed by the ebb of maturity. Allow me to play along with life's drama and have me pretend that all is in its proper place.

I do not wish to disturb you with these words full of odious density but if thats the case then let me leave you with this... dont u ever dream of going back in time when everything was simple and anything that comes with "complex" wasn't even in your faintest interests? Back to being children - all fun and games. *hohum*

Mapping out one's life isn't the easiest thing to work out and getting to where you're supposed to be going is just as frustrating, more even. I guess reaching that state of happiness, true and genuine happiness, one that transcends and overshadows the problems that constantly pervade my lifespace, is the most pressing issue I have right now.

These fragmented thoughts will become whole sooner or later, held together with the strongest super glue I can find, that I'm sure of. Be it a person, a cause, an experience, or what have you...

It will come when it will come, that's what I keep telling myself. Hahay...

mumblings on a gray thursday

2006-01-19T18:19:00.000+08:00

somehow, you managed to disarm me.

but i won't let you take that open blow.

now nobody wins,

until you give me a good reason to take a plunge.

and when that time comes...

even if ill make the sloppiest dive,

i'd still think i won the gold.

not that i'll ever qualify.

too funny

2006-01-14T22:14:00.000+08:00

The Bottom Line

Romance is on your mind today -- someone is thinking about you and you can feel it.

In Detail

You want to travel so badly that if you could, you'd be in a cab on your way to the airport right now, passport in hand. If duty calls, however -- especially if it calls loudly enough to keep you off that plane (or out of that car) -- your sense of responsibility will kick in. In that case, the least you can do is to treat yourself to the company of someone new and exotic.
=======

bwahahahahaha... i hope u get to read this babe coz it's hella funny! but i dont think this'll ever work on you coz you're fine with games, aren't you?

who's your chew toy now virgin?

hahahaha... when will that glorious day come when you'll throw away your schemes and dirty plots for that one person who'll sweep you off to mars?

karma, baby... just you wait. it'll be your turn, sooner or later.

*snickers*

this just in

2006-01-09T02:40:00.000+08:00

i have a new addiction: biting through headphone chords, the rubbery keypads on remote controls, erasers, and various other gummy objects. just about anything to sink my teeth into. hahay... the things i "discover" when i'm idle.

come on 2006! it's been a slow start... throw me a hurricane that'll lift me to every black balloon that needs popping.

ill go look for a suitable pin now. nyeh?

virgohoro 010806

2006-01-08T00:26:00.000+08:00

The Bottom Line

Express your ideas without hoping the other person approves. You know you're right.

In Detail

The urge to say exactly what's on your mind has hit, thanks to a new friend who's nothing if not strongly opinionated. The more you associate with them, the more you can expect some rather odd and coincidental occurrences over the course of the day. Feeling as you do, it's also a given that what you'll be saying will be a bit over the top -- especially to those who aren't used to seeing you in this condition. Don't even try to hold anything back, though. It's your turn to vent. Big time. They'll get over it.
======

uy, this is a better horoscope compared to the previous ones. no word of partners. blech! watch out. hihihihihi *evil grin*

stalkerish

2006-01-06T12:36:00.000+08:00

The Bottom Line

Good nutrition improves your brain power. Investigate ways to improve your health.

In Detail

If anyone is famous for loving secrets -- well, yes, it's definitely you. That goes for most, if not all circumstances. At the moment, conducting an intensive investigation at work will be even more appealing to you, and the nature of the issue won't matter at all. The point is that your curiosity will be running on high and your detective side will emerge -- big time. Just be sure that no one who may be responsible gets wind of what you've uncovered.
======

investigate ways to improve health daw! the truth has come out, your cover is blown you stalker! nyahahahaha... this sums up your 2005 horoscope, more or less. funny.

erm... grandmaster stalker, i have a favor to ask of you... *evil grin* ;P

thanks pussy princess

2006-01-05T17:38:00.000+08:00

ill make u bleed the best way i know how, bitch. trickle, trickle, spill, and curdle, just you wait.

what if...

2006-01-04T17:03:00.000+08:00

it was just you and me, with our hushed tones. and yes, the probing wind who hastily freed our secrets to sleeping trees and crickets busy playing music. despite the charcoal sky's constant stirring, we lingered, only to lend our ears and our hearts. even with the citrus-smoke and the riotous rustling of shrews, everything fell under unanimity for us.

peering over resplendent lights with you on that hill, that's how it was, how it should be. thank you for making me wish that time would stop on fancied moments...

listen, how strange the sound.

a taste

2006-01-01T13:02:00.000+08:00

glazed with melancholy
seasoned with euphoria
fruit of olympus
i crave for you

my hands are trembling
my mouth is eager
my thoughts are racing
my heart burns

dip me in ecstasy
flavor me with your bitter-sweetness
color my soul
make me sore

free from doubt
bound to anticipation
even if it conquers me
i am ready

take me high
and throw me back down
falling wont count for much
i will float, we'll see

gods, i implore you
fulfill my desire
harrass me with your might
i will persist until the cold takes me

for now, i can only imagine
with parted lips i shall greet you
you who they call ambrosia

curl your fingers round my naked tongue
embrace me with heaven's flavor

all i ask is just a taste

~come into my life so i can see

2005-12-31T23:17:00.000+08:00

hello hello 2006!!!! this is a better year opener for me since last year's was a bit gloomy, it RAINED! imagine that.

i dont think i was able to meet my 2005 resolutions... but those were pretty deep conditions man. hahahahahaha.. this time i'll try harder!

my new year's resolution: ill be a BETTER good boy this year. nyahahahaha, talk about being specific. wehehehe... it's best to keep it at that to avoid getting jinxed. :P

as for em bitches... good riddance! >:P

basta, ill follow this up with my personal review of 2005 soon.

its 1:22am and i'm off to city hall with my cousins... dragon mode. orange peel lami! sayonara!
Akemashite Omedetou Gozaimasu!

splock

2005-12-26T13:52:00.000+08:00

gecko, gecko on the wall, who's the splockest of them all?

wahahahahahaha... we just had our family reunion last night and as usual, your good host was wasted. naks! no surprise eh? :D but that wouldnt have happened because at first, the oldies didnt want the younglings to drink. in the end, our puppy dog faces finally got the best of em so they offered us a variety of drinks, whisky, wine, beer, blahblahblah... but i just had to butt in and say "tanduay lang!" that's when the fun fun fun started. by 1am almost everybody in the beach house was drunk! aunts, uncles, and cousins minus the wee ones ofcourse. this time around, we had youngblood enter the inner circle of the cousinhood, igi. naks... i wasnt even able to act up when he got drunk since all eyes were set on his histrionics. leche! pabadlong! my appetite for dancing (which surfaces when i'm tipsy) was sated with my partner in crime, shansui. dirty dancing AS USUAL. nyehehehe... twas a great reunion with videosinko, foodies, liquor (cant party without it), gifts, blahblahblah! i even got p100 for singing! yahoo! at least that compensated the sad fact that i didnt get a gift... i'm too old for presents daw... NO, i didnt get the horse i asked them to give me... impractical daw! aah leche!! i'll buy myself a gift with that P100! bleh!

~how much is that horsie in the window?

oh i miss my cousins and the beach house already. huhuhu...

oh well, one more booze session with HS classmates this 28... fock! mercy on my frail, frail digestive system! this better be an exciting reunion. leche.

HAPPY XMAAAAAAAAAS!!! oi gift ko! yahoooooooooooo...

oh well...

2005-12-25T02:17:00.000+08:00

and this is my make-shift pleading look (i dont have a suitable picture.. demn!). convincing? *evil grin* won't u give me a gift for christmas? i'll be willing to accept anything you hafta give me till december 23 next year! but that doesnt include my birthday.. that'll be another present. weeew! :P merry xmas!!!!! wahoooo!!

hohumming

2005-12-23T02:16:00.000+08:00

The Bottom Line

Charm can move mountains -- try it today and see. Be flattering, flirty and funny.
In Detail

You can certainly use your charm to get what you want, but what about what the other person wants? If you have to work some kind of magic to get them where you want them, perhaps you ought to also take into account where they truly want to be. Putting your self-interest aside will allow you to get a clearer idea of the bigger picture, and it'll help you to do the right thing -- which feels best in the end.
--------

i got your horoscope for you and this one's a no-brainer. it's almost christmas so work your magic baby, and if i'm that spellbound, i'll grab a ribbon and ship myself straight to your doorstep. that is, if you want me to. evul. :P

unplanned excercise

2005-12-17T05:27:00.000+08:00

The Bottom Line

Remember, you can always rely on friends for support. They're ready and waiting.

In Detail

The connections you have with others are of particular importance at the moment -- the energy you get from the people in your life is both supportive and restorative. Keeping those connections alive and prosperous is something you can put your famous organizational ability toward with incredible results now. Reach out and touch people by sending cards, making calls and generally brightening days in a methodical way.
====

i went out with my psychofriends earlier, and i'm ashamed to say this but... i got tipsy with just one pocket size sr. tanduay! leche! shame on me! how tipsy you ask... let's just say that i lost my orientation when it came to restrooms! grrrrrrr... twas a good thing that mars was the only person who caught me in "there." embarassing moment #1000001

our session ended early and i moved on to my next set of pals, my superfriends! for starters, we found ourselves in a cafe and had our fill of caffeine and since we thought the night was dragging on a phlegmatic pace, we decided to check out the rave party in our city's most renowned club. indeed, the place was booming with techno beats... what joy for the vampireboy! but my friends werent as enthusiastic... hehehehe... in the end, we all got on the dancefloor, convinced that our p100 entrance wouldve been a waste if we simply lounged.

the most interesting thing that happened while there was the dirty dancing contest! nyati! these 25-something-looking-women were getting their groove on stage... flashing underwears (and the stretch marks that line their curves... wehehehe), teasing the crowd with their sensual/sexual dance moves, etc. it was an onstage show of inhibited masturbation. hehehehe... but it was fun nonetheless... well, the lady who won was actually the contestant i least expected to win because she wore a plain-looking ensemble... and yet, she proved me wrong with her freaky dancing, red lace bra, and black bikini. leche nga babae! astig! right after the awarding, we danced a bit and moved on to our next destination... KARAOKE! wahooo!

when we got to this karaoke joint, we only lingered a bit because the place was packed with oldies and paid-for-looking young men and women. ehehehe... no offense meant to my dear brothers and sisters, but i wouldnt want to be branded as one o' em. im just a vampireboy, no more, no less. nyati!

we drove up to city hall... there, we talked a bit bout grown-up stuff like, nmat, future plans, after-grad employment, reunions, and ofcourse what convo can ever miss the mushiest/cheesiest topic, LOVE! yak! i wanted to puke but i had no excuse because i wasnt that intoxicated. leche!

after that, we drove to our friend's house and ate embotido and empanada. i skipped dinner so i was darn hungry! leche... i gobbled most of it but they didnt seem to notice. hihihihi... just when i was about to go home the stupid car wouldnt start! the battery went dead! lecheeeeeeeeeee... i was forced to go home on foot @ 3am with no jeepneys in site! what if hoodlums hung about? or holduppers? or rabid dogs? or perverts? or barangay tanods who might think i was on high? the horror!!!! i would be able to fend them off if i had already mastered my dark powers but i'm still a fledgling creature of the night. that's why they call me vampireboy because im still young relative to my brethren. but i had no choice, i had to be a brave vampireboy so i jogged (almost 1 kilometer) back home. i jogged with an unsteady pace since there were times when i ran like crazy in the sign of impending danger. cockroaches for that matter! leche!!! why do they have to fly when i'm around! curse roaches! grrrr... thankfully, i got home safe and sound without one roach landing on me! phew! and here i am, writing down this entry that's generally filled with crap. you must be really bored getting this far huh? bleh! hehehehehe... it's 4:59am, i should sleep now. i have an activity to attend to at around 6am. sheeet. let's morning the night my arse! leche! sayonara!

PS: SHANA!!! sakit pa gihapon tong pinaakan nimo! lecheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

when

2005-12-15T01:56:00.000+08:00

i can no longer find the shooting stars and pale hearts that only show their form to us. dragon's breath dont mean much when i'm not with you. why the distance? drink and find yourself here, with me. but when?

listen.

every idle minute i waste on you.

naunsa

2005-12-14T13:33:00.000+08:00

my friends were talking about animals, particularly on the most dangerous snakes that ever existed. they went on yammering about their favourites like cobras, anacondas, pythons, etc.. until one claimed that nothing can beat the rattler. my ears suddenly perked up and i just had to butt in with a snicker. even rattlers can fall victim to other animals! king snakes in particular specialize on eating rattlesnakes! duh!!!!! but i just kept silent right after.. hahay.. ignoramus.

see? even predators can become prey. hahay.. ohmygoodiesfockyoumeandeveryone!

wasted

2005-12-13T01:32:00.000+08:00

my cousin shansui celebrated her bday on 12/9/05 and boy, it sure is a date to remember. well, we went out with fellow cousins and several friends. as usual, the evening wouldnt be complete without liquor so we bought two bottles of cheap tequila and 2 litres of tanduay. bliss. to end the long story short, we ALL got drunk. it was a puke fest of sorts. we were all crazy that fateful night errr early morn.. shansui was on bite mode (OUCH!), ellen and louie almost did "it" (almost because shansui caught them before the miracle could happen), rubi made passes at ish (kinky/funny!), we had dennis and josh liplock for 5 seconds(haha!), and gicer was giggling like a hyena all through out (annoying, really). leche.. almost everyone was horny. WICKED! twas a good thing that i was able to focus my drive on the toilet alone. now, they call me the toilet-seat kisser, fock! but it would've been another story if i wasnt able to control myself.. i'm a good vampireboy, still. congratulate me. hehehe..

blahblah

2005-12-12T13:32:00.000+08:00

The Bottom Line

A former foe is suddenly quite compatible with you ... don't question their motives.

In Detail

The resolution to a work issue may be much closer than you think. Some lightning-fast reasoning on your part, in addition to the longer-term analysis you've been conducting, could lead to a real breakthrough right now. The way you communicate about it is key, however; rather than introducing your big idea off the bat, engage the parties involved in open-ended conversation. Asking a question is better than making a statement.
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haha! funny! errrr...

you're starting to slow down. when this will end (and i know it will), don't make this anticlimactic for me, please.