oh my..

secret.

and i'm still waiting

I wish to be whatever you most need of.

i yearn so for you even when i know that turtles will crawl out of their shells sooner than you to find me.

Why can't I have you now?

Is it because a happy ending can't come in the middle of the story?

I think I understand where this is coming from... but I'm sure I don't.

I don't.

I'll just love whom I love.

push

away.

i'm getting there.

darnit

i miss you. there, i said it! happy? fact it! naks...

of daemons and friggin companies

so i got this from the golden compass' official site and it had me thinking, wouldn't it be really cool to actually have your own daemon? it sounds something like pokemon but unlike ash's motto where 'you gotta catch em all,' in golden compass' universe, each of these creatures are bound to their respective masters. so what exactly is a daemon? well according to the guide its the soul of each individual human being embodied in an animal familiar. In childhood, a daemon alters its form to reflect the ever-changing nature of children. In adulthood, it assumes a permanent form that best reflects the inner nature of its human.

i'm not exactly sure why i'm so worked up about all this but the thought of having a talking pet/familiar intrigues me... they'll really come in handy during those sleepless nights when you desperately need someone to talk to. and who better to converse with than the very embodiment of your soul right? i wish i had my very own daemon, in the form of a tiger or a lion so i can have it terrorize my enemies. *blank stare* there i go again, fantasizing. enough.

now, let me get to something thats more in touch with real life. real being harsh, dull, monotonous, and what have you. so i never got a call or email from that-friggin'-company. nada! last i heard from them was last week when they told me they'll contact me anytime this week but it's almost friday and there's still no word from them. no nothing! i think i kept my hope up for far too long its time to move on, right? moving on... just like with many other things in my life. live and let go. arrrrr... i dont want to turn this into cheese-fest. :P here's my stop. to better days! cheers!

question

yipee! i passed the exam and initial interview for some big company. thanks to everyone who prayed for me but i need your prayers more than ever because the final interview's on wednesday!!! i hope this is the place for me because i've been embarrassingly jobless for more than a month now. i need a stable job. one that pays well, with a wonderful work environment and offers a good opportunity for growth. talk about being too idealistic... with so much time in my hands i cant help but daydream of perfect office scenarios and what not, in full detail! maygarsh! i am so fed up of being idle and over thinking.

on a different note, i'm having a strange feeling of melancholy. i recently asked myself, 'why is the world so unfair?' the eternal question that fuel most angst-ridden teens... hayyy... i'm way past that time in my life but it's coming back. haven't i been good enough, kind enough, generous enough to deserve the best in life? what of positive karma and its tenfold return? and many more questions i don't have an answer for.

envy and bitterness, i don't want any of it... but it just welled up the moment i saw the smile plastered on your face, and it immediately wiped off the one on mine.

...

how come you're happy while i'm not?