mr. chips

1 little, 2 little, 3 little blinking lights...



when lo and behold a shooting star streaked past. now, you don't see those too often! was i merely imagining things? no matter, i made a wish, one i've been keeping for so long. they say wishes are best left for children who still believe in dreams coming true, for hopeless hopefuls waiting on better days, lovers wanting their own happy ever after and so on. you can call me cheesy but there's no harm in trying, right? :P

i've wished for this on my birthday, christmas eve, new year, chain mails, fortune telling, card games, what have you... only this time, i feel differently, much stronger of it coming true because it was whispered on a shooting star when the night sky was nothing but stellar.

i will wait for you but please come soon... :)

hahay, hay, hohum, etc.

dear blog,

i had another one of those dreadful nights when i ended up thinking of how ill-fated i am. sad, i know. it was good that my internet connection went crappy else i would've fed my sappy mood with PEYUPS' tragic *cough*love*cough* stories. right when i got cut off, 12am, somebody invited me for a little chit chat. and for the lack of better things to do, i went out (SNEAKED out was more like it) and headed to this hard metal rock concert or whatever you call it. ugh... definitely not my thing. it was strange how everybody stared at me when i got there. were they checking me out? NO. i was the only one in white in a sea of black. it just wasn't one of those normal days when i'd predictably wear black. anyway on with my story, seeing gian was worthwhile despite the constant shrieking/singing in the backgroud. catching up with a long time friend is always refreshing. we reminisced about high school and shared college experiences. it was funny how both of us intentionally veered away from talking about future plans. i guess we're still unsure of what's ahead of us. "let's leave it to the wind!" we both cheered. it's good to know that i'm not the only one on the "devil may care" boat. :D we said our goodbyes at 4am and so i sped off feeling better when i hit a pothole at 80 km/h. that would've been my nth motorcycle accident. thank you Lord for keeping me safe!

i had a really swell time but at the end of it all there's still that nagging thought that something's not right. it just isn't. something's missing. oh well, it's 6am and i should be off to bed. i'll have enough time to figure it out whence i wake up.

hahay... the more that i wait, the more time that i waste.

gudmornyt!

virgohoro 02/13/07

The Bottom Line

Today, push things into a decidedly more romantic realm. It's up to you.

In Detail

If things have been getting silly instead of serious between you and another person, today is the day to push things into a decidedly more romantic realm. If you want things to grow, you will have to nurture them. Surround yourself with candlelight, soft music and exotic fragrances -- and dress in an outfit that you know will get you noticed. Create a comfortable situation that is conducive to talking about your feelings and talking about where to go next.

====

romantic my arse. put me up next for the firing squad. pffft...

for the meantime...

She’s the one you call when you’re bored because she makes you laugh. She’s the one you talk to when you’re feeling down because she’s willing to lend an ear and be a friend. She’s not the one you call when you need a date to your company’s Christmas party, or to go dancing with on a Saturday night. She’s the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find "The One". You know, the one who you keep around in the meantime.

She’s not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don’t look at her as a "real" woman, either. She’s not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in that light. She’s too laid-back, too easily amused by the same things your male buddies are amused by. She’s too understanding, too comfortable – she doesn’t make you feel nervous or excited the way a "real" woman does. But she’s cool, and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when you’re lonely or horny and need intimate female companionship, she’ll do just fine. You don’t have to wine and dine her because she knows the real you already, and you don’t have any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve. You’re not trying to get anything of substance out of her. She’s not easy, but you know that she cares about you and is attracted to you, and that she’ll give you the intimacy you need. And you know you don’t have to explain yourself or the situation, that she’ll be able to cope with the fact that this isn’t the beginning of a relationship or that there’s any possibility that you have any real romantic feelings for her. It won’t bother her that you’ll get up in the morning, put on your pants, say goodbye, and go on a date with the woman you’ve been mooning over for weeks who finally agreed to go out with you. She’ll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to call her and tell her how the date went. She’s just so cool . . . why can’t all women be like that?!

But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don’t because to you, the situation between the two of you isn’t important enough to merit any real thought), you know that it’s really not fair. You know that although she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don’t think she’s good enough to spend any real time with. Sure, it’s mostly her fault, because she doesn’t have to give in to your needs – she could play the hard-to-get bitch like the rest of them do, if she really wanted to. But you and she both know that she probably couldn’t pull it off. Maybe she’s too short, or a little overweight, or has a big birthmark on her forehead, or works at Taco Bell. Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman. So she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman.

She doesn’t captivate you with her beauty, or open doors with her smile. Mainly she blends in with the crowd. She’s safe. She doesn’t want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room. But she wants to turn someone’s head. She wants to be special to someone, too. We all do.

She has feelings. She has a heart. In fact, she probably has a bigger and better heart than any woman you’ve ever known because she’s had a front-row seat to The Mess That Is Your Life, and she likes you anyway. She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you’ve given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she is.

Anyway, yeah. I’m a Meantime Girl. Been one more times than I care to admit. I don’t know the reason, really, and at this point I don’t even care. I just want to let every guy know who’s ever had the good fortune to have a Meantime Girl that we may be a lot of fun, but we cry, too. A lot. And someday we won’t be around.

~Meantime Girl by Anonymous
====

Why is it that some people never appreciate what's already at hand? I must admit that i once had the fortune of having a pseudo Meantime Girl. I so easily brushed aside her efforts of procuring a more intimate relationship than what i could provide. She kept on and for a while I played along, thinking that I could have it my way... for us to be JUST FRIENDS. I was selfish and in the long run, she left. So yes, I am one of those people who often take things for granted. But just so you know, if there would be a male counterpart to the Meantime Girl, that would definitely be me. OUCH! I'm not saying this to clear up my conscience, simply put, shit happens and karma's payback is severe. From then on I've learned to always follow the GOLDEN RULE.

Haaaaahay... I miss her. And I'm sorry.

rant # i dunno

I have no idea what I’d do with my life. No job, no purpose, no direction, no goal, no aim. Nada! Back when I was a kid, I could easily say that I’d be a paleontologist but look at me now! I couldn’t even see myself in a year’s time. Pffft! Nothing excites me anymore. I keep on ‘chilling’ and looking for ‘adventure’ to the point that it’s become darn too predictable. I’ve even sworn off my quick fix, drinking coz I’ve been at it non-stop. I’m telling you, there comes a point when not even that could better the feeling of ‘blankness.’ My life is so mundane. My life is so uninspiring. Oh wait! I don’t have a life… it’s that simple. What am I here for anyway? Hohum… But still, thank God for allowing me to survive the dreadful year that was 2006. Thank YOU!

And there’s also my dismal lurvelife. Demn! Most of my friends might not know this but I’ve been fretting over lurve for the past year. And there’s still no sign of Cupid! But lo and behold! My good friend Angel finally found herself a boyfriend! Hahaha… I can’t forget how we (classmates) used to tease her, “manigulang jud kang walay uyab Gel! Single for life!” And looky now, she even has “Til I met you, I never knew what love was” as her shout out. Demn! I guess our Kung Ako Nalang Sana deal’s off, eh Gel? It’s cool coz I still have a few contracts at hand. Hahaha… I know Cupid’s just fluttering about purposefully missing the arrows aimed at me or maybe he couldn’t find it amongst the pile of arrows reserved for the other hopefuls. And there’s also the chance that one’s already sticking out of my chest but I’ve been refusing to admit it. Who knows? Hahaha… I’ll just get crazier the more I think about this. Ambot!

Life oh life! It hasn’t been easy but I’m still here… waiting. “I can hear my grandma say, you can’t get to no better days unless you’d make it through the night” as taken from the song Better Days. Hehehehe… Haaaaaaaahay! Maypa mag-WAITER nalang sa ko, magkakwarta pako!

Last hirit: INSPIRE ME! MOVE ME! STIR ME! AROUSE ME! Wahahaha… Nonsense na. Haaaay… find me.

looky what i found...

hahahahaha... watcha think? peace! :-p

ulan

Rain was pouring hard. 3:43pm - and I tried to find traces of my person in your words. I couldn't find me.

It’s been so long and I still feel like I’m only around whenever you need a good kick. But when it’s my turn to be sated, you never deliver. I don’t know why I keep on keeping on when the best you could give me are silly imaginings. How did you even manage to slip past my defenses?

I never thought I'd be too agreeable, too convenient. Not that it was your fault although you could have done more. I’m beginning to sound like him, don’t I?

And yet we are different because unlike him, I would never settle for ambiguity. Unlike him, I won’t be swallowed by the vacuum of your insatiable ego. Unlike him, I will not grant you the satisfaction of having me beg or cry. And unlike him, I will stop before things get out of hand...

But until then let me just love you in silence because like rain on a gloomy Monday, this too shall pass.

Siguro...

dimalas jud ko. Murag naay nakakabit nga sumpa. Tungod ba ni sa akong pagtrato nimo sauna? Dugay najud ta wala nagsturya bha… makamingaw bya pero kabalo ko nga mas maayo rapod ning ing-ani ky unyag makasakit napod ko nimo. Pero kabalo ka… feeling nako nakarma ko tungod sa akong nabuhat nimo. Palpak kaayo ko sa daghang butang. Ambot kung hantud kanus-a ko magdala ani pero anad naman kog hulat so kabalo ko nga mahuman rani. Pero wala tika gibasol ani hah… Unta mubalik lang tong sauna… kung kanus-a simple pa ang tanan na magkanchaway lang ta. Lingaw pa kaayo to bha? Maghuna huna lang ko nimo ky magkatawa nako, mura kog amaw. Hehehehe… matingala gud na akong mga kauban ky mura daw kog buang ky magtisngi lang sa kilid. Wala sila kabalo nga dugay nakong buang. Hahahaha… Wala lang. Gimingaw lang jud ko nimo unya daghan na kaayo kog ganahan isturya nimo… Oh well, kung kelangan nimo ug listening ear or a good laugh I'm always available… that is if naa pakay plano musturya nako... Just remember na basta nimo I'm just around... ayaw lang unta hulata kung kanus-a wala nako... ewan... I miss you and Merry Xmas!

just so i'd remember

i shud've posted this back in january nho? pero better late than never matod pa ni.. ambot kinsay niingon. wahehehe.. so so so..

The year that was 2005
1. during summer, we had our OJT in cebu. fun.
2. boozing, yo-ing like crazy - tried everything. NASTY
3. night-out sessions with ysai at the children's park, city hall, jollibee, el centro, etc. i miss those.
4. saturday nights were reserved for d'zyr - where li used to sing. fan here. :P
5. went out with cousins on several saturdays. pasingot dayun ang tandu. wahahaha..

dates to remember:
Oct 9 - ehem. perfect night. Starry starry night. lol
Oct 14 - sai, elvin and lulu. maghubo unta to si virginal. LOL. dead wasted in BATC
Oct 17 - iced tea sa darrens. ysai and lu. pekchur pekchur
Oct 20 - dance and voice class sa family room nilang lulu with ysai
Oct 21 - naabot si ods ug nabungkag tanan. hahahaha
Oct 22 - darren's with gian, sai, ods and lu. aguy noy!
Oct 24 - arvin, hospicio, ods, lulu and ysai. inom at lulu's unya nagsuka ko sa ilang guest room ug ISAW. Wala pajud nako gilimpyuhan! Bad! nyaha!
Oct 26 - lady's burger nagkanta kanta. A whole new wooooorld~ wahahaha the best!!!!
Oct 31 - lulu's bday sa dzyr! yahoo! Naa pajud cake gibake si sai ani.. awwwwww
skip to December ky secret ang November. wahahaha...
Dec 2 – lingaw ni nga adlaw ky daghan nahitabo namung saldi. wahaha
Dec 9 – middleton ky bday ni aki! hubog na ni!!!
Dec 17 - CSM christmas party with lu and jade. nakit-an si **o**. car broke down at lu's. busa nagjogging ko at 3am! aguy noy! nyaha
Dec 21 - gazpachos with mitzie and lulu.. fine dining kunuhay unya sisig rajud among gikaon!!! hahaha.. lami bitaw. nakiginom dayun si mitz sa BATC
Dec 27 - Grade school reunion sa BATC. lingaw ug update update sa kinabuhi.
Dec 28 - High school reunion at Jay's place. magicsing. inom. sayaw. yebah!city hall after with gian, shek, ods, and saldi
Dec 29 - BATC napod with with mt. basa, ods and pussy p. gisapot mi atong geisha sa i love sushi. nyeh.
Dec 30 - sexy friday! shek, ods, saldi and emily g. eldran pod. daghan ug uwagan. yehey! hahahaha..
Dec 31 - just befor 12mn... city hall with ods and saldi.. awwwww.. kakyut!
Jan 2 - sawi session mi ni saldi. 5 bottles of beer for me, 2 iyaha.. clarity!
Jan 3 - arvin, gian and lu sa BATC. had gianinna drive to arvin's! yey!

after that.. nagcram na dayun sa school.. wahahaha..

================

The year that was (is pa diay.. gamay nalang kulang) 2006… (mag-english napod para serious... hehehe)

A lot has happened this year. I can still remember what I prayed for even before 2006 began; I asked for twelve months of eventfulness, and eventful it was, still is. I experienced the horrors of thesis-work, fearing I wouldn’t graduate but graduate I did. I was off to work that very month, only to quit several months after. I enjoyed my independence as well as feel the loneliness of having been far from my family. I met new people, made friends and even said goodbye to a few. I’ve been to places I’ve only heard/seen on tv and those where I shouldn’t have been. My family moved for the 1^st time in 21 years and yet I still can’t call our new house a home. Who would have thought that I could go quite far in a year, only to fall back at square one? Yes this has been a year of firsts for me. Many unexpected things happened and I'm sure more will come. The fire dog hasn't been good to me but I know that it’s all for the best. I'll just charge it to experience. Now that it's almost over, what does the fire pig have in store for me, for us? Oh well, we can only expect the worst and hope for the best (diba Dorz? :P). Okay, I'm done yammering, now I'm happy. Cheers to all of us! To another year rich with life but more importantly to the affirmation that it is indeed worth living (diba Salds? :D)! Keep praying, keep living! God Bless one and all!

As for my Christmas wish for everyone: I wish you peace but more than this I wish you love! :P Happy Xmas!

question

Cryptic words meander
Now there is a song beneath the song
One day you'll learn
You'll soon discern its true meaning
An interesting detachment
A listless poem of love sincere
Desire, despair
Overlapping melodies

Oh now the roots are reminiscing
Recurring dreams of minor chords
Metred time
Muted chimes find the beat

And in the pulse there lies conviction
A steady push and pull routine
The cymbals swell
High notes flail into reach

And it's not a love, it's not a love
It's not a love, it's not a love song
It's not a love, it's not a love, it's not a love song
It's not a love, it's not a love, it's not a love song

Song Beneath a Song by Maria Taylor

=====

"by the power of the written word to make you hear, to make you feel... before all, to make you see. That — and no more, and it is everything. If I succeed, you shall find there according to your deserts: encouragement, consolation, fear, charm — all you demand — and, perhaps, also that glimpse of truth for which you have forgotten to ask."

~Joseph Conrad's the Nigger of the Narcissus

hohum napod

hohum... im bored. every idle minute's wasted on... silly/foolish thougts. and... i miss you. hahay...

nevermore

i found my way back on that spot

with a brown toad skipping about
through rusty steel fences
to claw up on rocky dirt mounds
its been hours, the orb spider stops
she has woven enough of her masterpiece
all thats left is to lie in wait
for prey to be caught in her trap
a sudden gust of wind flies
and makes its presence known to all
harrassing the greenery about
still the defiant tree stands
for the life of me, i wonder
how far can the toad climb its mountain?
how long will the spider's web hold?
how much can the tree bend before it breaks?
why do they never wail in protest?
their patience is great
but mine has run out
because no stars shone in the moonsea
save for one that fell on me
only to snuff out the last of my light
so for those of you headed this way
know the travails to come
throw yourselves in the midst of danger
but keep one eye open at night

death of her

everyday she used to think about you
even when you didn't fit anywhere in her life
but how could you smile now
now when the answer in her mind has gone stale
for that question you never risked to ask
she's reminded of how you left her cold
when all she wants is to forget
purged and killed your person
torn and ripped you off of her chest
you shouldn't be here
and with your advance, she steels herself
praying to be kept from your illusions
and that when she leaves to take another form
she chooses to be anything in her next life
but an elephant who remembers her dead

:((

this is the lost ending to calvin and hobbes. it's quite sad. poor, poor hobbes... got me thinking though... i wish i had calvin's pills. *sighs*


*i stole this from doo . i couldn't help it. :D she just got to it first coz blahblahblahblah.. wahahaha.. peace doobidoo.

suki de doushiyou mo nai

Doushite onaji you na panchi
Nando mo kuracchaun da

Koi wo shite owari wo tsuge
Chikau koto wa kyou ga saisho no good day

Aki no dorama no saihousou
Sore demo mata tatakaun darou

Sakura sae toki no naka de
Yurete yagate hana wo sakasu yo

O yasumi nasai
Yoi yume o

===

Sayonara! ;P

pahungaw

gisapot ko karon! i am at my wit's end!!! sige nalang kog ka-ipit sa problema!!!!! leche!!!!!!!!!!! dont make the choices i made sound like it was what i really wanted!!!! gikapoy najud ko ani nga style!!! peste!!! palihog ayaw ko i-pressure karun coz i'm still dealing with the unfair judgment you laid down!!!! i want to go away coz i'm so tired of all this drama!!!!!!!!! soooos.. kung sayun lang jud nga magpalayo, dugay rako nilayo!!! pero dili ko escapist kaya pasalamat jud ky taas kog pasensya!!!!! magpa-ugat pa kog maayo ani! i was trying my best to keep my cool pero kelangan jud ko magpahungaw ky napuno najud ko!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhh... kalami ishagit!!! Lord, tabangi ko ky matuluyan najud kog ka-buang ani.. please.

----

The Bottom Line

You're approaching a critical point. Look upon this day like any other.

In Detail

In a business or school environment, you are approaching a critical point ... but you should look upon this day like any other. The worst thing you can do right now is let yourself get intimidated by certain expectations. If you overthink things, you'll lose perspective and could sell yourself short. If you are feeling a bit uncertain, lean on the folks around you who can help cheer you on or cheer you up. Remember that you know exactly what to do and how to do it.

----

tagos bha?! so who's willing to cheer me up? sige na... hahay... tough.

*can you keep a secret?

soon

Take care
I've been hurt before
Too much time spent on closing doors
You may hate me, but I'll remember to love you
Goodbye
Don't cry
You know why
And it'll be just as quiet when I leave
As it was when I first got here
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything

All the waves of blame arrange as broken scenery
As they steal your best memories away
What if I was someone different in your only history?
Would you feel the same
As I walk out the door
Never to see your face again
Never to see your face again

And it'll be just as quiet when I leave
As it was when I first got here
It'll be just as quiet when I leave
As it was when I first got here
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything to change when I leave

~Rachael Yamagata - Quiet
===

yes, very soon...

virgohoro 9/29/06

The Bottom Line

Pick up your feet and get moving toward what you want right now. Just get up and go!

In Detail

If you're waiting for someone to give you their approval to move forward with your plans, you're wasting your time. You don't need any approval from anyone to do what you want to do today ... could you be looking for an excuse to put things off a little longer? Silly you -- don't you know that procrastination is out of style? Pick up your feet and get moving toward what you want right now, because there's no reason for any hesitation. Just get up and go!

====

really now? i'm stuck in a rut and i just cant get out of it... elvin is a prisoner and freedom is past tense.

meet me

to those who are awfully concerned,

i've been home for almost a month and i really miss the past four months i spent elsewhere. hahay... i would've stayed longer if it weren't for my fruitless exploits. still, i had a blast! thanks to the people i've met and chilled with. nyehehehe...

i miss my blue mansion buddies and their trademark lines:
Bababe - 'bakit ang nacua, magaling sa sex?' bwahahahahaha.. leche ka mel! mingaw nako nimong manyaka ka! bleh! hanggang lips ka lang. lol
KR - 'spell raden... KR!' maski NR (No Response) ni.. ambot nalang jud. asa man tawon ang mama ug papa aning bata?
Squaredy - 'put your ai squared in, put your ai squared out...' balik balik imong luto namo hah! sumo na kaayo ang monggos.. pero oks lang basta ba't musayaw ug Like A Virgin.
Ate Che - *yosi exhalation technique* hahahahaha.. da best. we love ate cheeee...
Lioness - 'wan, to, tre!' champion ni mahubog! and champion sa PDA with Huge.

my cassandras:
Iceland - 'cass, wag ang pekpek ko! ahhhh... rapist!' wala na akong ma-harrass.. dont worry at babanatan kita if and when i get back. hehehe
Langai - 'cass, naay ok-ok!' peste.. hahahaha.. mao ni ang bad influence nako. bleh! di unta niya ni mabasa. :D masbug-at pa raba imong gipadala nga pasalubong kesa sa akong bagahe hah!
Aki - 'huy cass! kahadlok bha! dad-on na tika sa mandaluyong loob bhe!' hahay.. ug naghilak-hilak ni ron ky gimingaw nako.. lol. joke. huy, ingna si baby katong gibilin nako niya ky dapat niya ampingan!

i miss my officemates (PS friends) as well.. nica, rocelle, jeffrey, lurshlee, teeets, airlan, etc.. and lan i still havent returned your ps2 game. shet. just think of that as a parting gift coz i dont think i can work on my clearance anytime soon. nic, just hang in there! you'll do great! :D hehehe.. i miss my solo lunchbreaks mostly spent in kfc, tokyo tokyo, mcdo or sa jolijip. ahhhh.. turbo treats honey mustard and szechuan rice bowl meal!! and yes, i miss my kras. aaaah.. smoking balcony i mishu too. ahahahaha.. :P

gawd, i'll be missing jom, mikki, lu, amping and our nightouts. those were very fun times however rare. avilon zoo/wawa dam was a blast! like i always say "ITS THE JOURNEY, NOT THE DESTINATION." lol! and lu... i'd never forget our coffee sessions in starbs, sbc, figaro and ofcourse CBTL. those precious times wouldn't be the same without em trademark umbrellas! haaaay.. we used to adjourn our sessions round 2am despite the fact that we have work several hours later. twas the life! hohum.. :D and and and.. i told you i'd find the ant.. it just took one mass (which i missed a whole lot btw) for it to happen. i told ya so! hahaha..

cassandras, remember how we used to go out at 10pm almost every night and ride off from one end of the metro to another? ahhh.. i miss that. we've went to all the party places/tambayans worth going to. chillax on weekdays and wasted on weekends. perfect! :D plus, we always went to SM North on sundays for church and meet up with baby after. the days.. tell him he shud treat me to mr. kabab when i get the chance to visit. ahhhh.. t5 sa pioneer grill and then washing/videosingko sa rj's bulalohan! what about our bus/mrt rush hour adventures?! huhuhuhuhu...

and i'll be missing those people who i know would make uber great friends if i had more to time to get to know them better. awww.. for those i failed to meet, treated me out, got to know in random places, etc. i will make it up to you guys SOMEHOW. but while i ain't around, just a word of advice: CHILLAX. :D

basta... i miss a lot of things, places, people, animals, events... all nouns. there's so much to write about and i'll simply run out of space if i'll blabber on.

hohum.. after all that im back to square one at twenty one (uy rhyme! hehehe). yet again, i'm off to find a new job or most probably go back to school. blech. just when i thought i'd find myself there and live a meaningful life, you know? i guess i havent.. and the search is still on. but would i even like me if i met me? wehh..

hahay... things will be better, i know. take it from the champion of hoping be it false or true or tralse. i'm no longer making sense, am i?

oh well.. i just wanna be happy, take it from where i can get it and keep it for as long as i can.

CHILL!

sincerely yours,
me

P.S.
happiness, where do you go when you're gone? i miss you!

this is her story

She feels like crying to attain some sense of justice but all she could ever muster was a heavy heart with a fainting beat. She wonders if he matters enough, enough for tears to spill from her welling eyes. When she looks at him, who she sees makes her tomorrows but when he looks at her, all he ever finds is a friend. And after a long time of staring into space, she throws me a question, ‘when will I ever weep for that which never existed from the start?’

I fall silent.

He only wants her the way he wants her. He is the sea and like sand on the shore, she wants to be a part of him, completely. Pushed away and pulled back again, she rises up, breaks and falls, forever…

'I love him, ardently,' she says. I felt that word, once. I know this story all too well.

And as if on cue the moonless sky mimics what our hearts seek to hide. 'Its raining. There goes your answer,' I finally reply.

I sip my coffee, hoping to achieve a moment's peace in a cup. All is still.

'What shall happen tonight?'