plans

The best gift anyone can give me this new year is a planner. I like planners because I am a planner. I like thinking ahead. I like being prepared. I get a high from being on top of things. But some things are beyond planning. And life doesn't always turn out as planned.

You don't plan for a broken heart.
You don't plan for a failed business venture.
You don't plan for an adulterous husband.
Or a wife who wants you out of her life.
You don't plan for an autistic child.
You don't plan for spinsterhood.
You don't plan for a lump in your breast.

You plan to be young forever.
You plan to climb the corporate ladder.
You plan to be rich and powerful.
You plan to be acclaimed and successful.
You plan to conquer the universe.
You plan to fall in love - and be loved forever.

You don't plan to be sad.
You don't plan to be hurt.
You don't plan to be broke.
You don't plan to be betrayed.
You don't plan to be alone in this world.

You plan to be happy.
You don't plan to be shattered.

Sometimes if you work hard enough, you can get what you want. But most times, what you want and what you get are two different things.

We, mortals, plan. But so does God in the heavens. Sometimes, it is difficult to understand God's plans - especially when His plans are not in consonance with ours. Often, when God sends us crisis, we turn to Him in anger. True, we cannot choose the cross that God wishes us to carry, but we can carry that cross with courage knowing that God will never abandon us nor send something we cannot cope with.

Sometimes, God breaks our spirit to save our soul.
Sometimes, He breaks our heart to make us whole.
Sometimes, God sends us pain so we can be stronger.
Sometimes, God sends us failure so we can be humble.
Sometimes, God sends us illness so we can take better care of ourselves.
Sometimes, God takes everything away from us so we can learn the value of everything He gave us.

Make plans but understand that we live by God's grace.
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im not much of a planner, really. but somehow, this here hits home.

i will graduate. arrrr.. and when that time comes, watch out world. nyah!

i pray.

yada yada

"i'm too forgiving for my own good. darnit! she's right you know... i mustn't let anyone come to me when they need a good kick. im supposed to be the vampireboy. THE vampireboy. i'm the one who bites and not the other way around. i really should relive my title before i completely fail my rights to passage. ack! by dusk tomorrow i'll refurbish my mausoleum and dig out my old ensemble. i'm tired of playing the happy hour boy. halloween's over.

BUT i think i've said this before. darnit. i've been on replay ever since i learned to be UNapathetic. when will i ever learn? when will i ever learn? when will i ever learn? i'm a broken record.

'sometimes people put up walls to see who cares enough to knock them down.' but that isn't the case right now and it shouldn't have been back then, or so i would like to believe. the sound your hammers and power drills make as it bangs against my brick wall is way too deafening. my ears bleed.

please, make this easier for me. disappear if you must. hush. stop. i hope you get it right this time. you who? well your guess is as good as mine.

friends, thanks for your time. really."

elvin's bitching about imaginary assailants again. he's back! oh crap! take him to the crazy house already.

crummier. virgohoro 02-26-06

i anticipated this. it has come.

when temporary highs are no longer enough to keep me aloft.

i need something that spells ever after.

the kind that wont take to the air by dawn.

one that will keep me flying for the hours after and the hours in between.

what else is there?
==

The Bottom Line

When in doubt, go for romance today. Invest some energy on your heart and soul.

In Detail

Being brazen has its advantages. First of all, it's extremely appealing to prospective suitors and an absolute magnet for friends. It's fire, and whether it's in a fireplace or in a person's attitude doesn't matter. That famously hypnotic quality is still there. Someone who wants to woo you, for a variety of reasons, will show you more than a little bit of fire right now, and you'll find it quite appealing. Play the game, though. Don't let on just yet.
==
why do i even bother?

no brain, no pain.

or should i just bury this with the rest of the trash i horde? how long can i keep at it? up until the bent spoon breaks through my skin?

God, i'm running out of stars to pin my wishes. but thank you for letting them out to play with my dragon's breath

seeds

"Thoughts lead on to purposes

Purposes go forth in action

Actions form habits

Habits decide character

And character fixes our destiny."

~The quote i chose for my HS yearbook 4 years ago. I pray that i get to do the same this March.

what kind of soul are you?

You Are a Dreaming Soul
Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world. So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time. You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all... But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult.

You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you. Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses. Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others. Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life.
http://blogthings.com/whatkindofsoulareyouquiz/

~tough.

"God will never leave you EMPTY,
He will replace everything you've LOST.
If He asks you to put something DOWN,
it's because He wants you to PICK-UP something GREATER."

~yeba!

flow

I'm always swimming against the flow of the tide.

Kissing the life into something thats already died.

I've been drowning forever.

I'll let go.

I'll dive into the river and flow.

a test of faith

i've been cramming and stressing for a week, and nothing paid off. the only thing i had going for me were prayers. just when i thought it was all hopeless, something incredible just happened. YES!

i'm off the danger zone but there's still a lot of work to be done. a little more and i'll be home free. :D

God never turns to give us a deaf ear. Have faith and He'll work his miracles! I know, because i just got one. Lord, thank you!

------

The Bottom Line

You can't help someone who doesn't want it. You must wait until they're ready.

In Detail

You've been extremely busy lately -- and busy, by your standards, is hectic, frenetic and unbearably stressful to most of the rest of us. However, you've just realized that it's just about the weekend and you're coming into some free time. Get busy, then -- in a different way -- and use this time to your advantage. Call every playmate you know you should have called weeks ago, make plans and resolve that there will be absolutely no work. None whatsoever.
===
funny horoscope.. IF ONLY i could have it easy this weekend. darn it. ABSOLUTELY NO WORK my ARSE! pfffft...

why do people think that?

i went out drinking last night - all by myself. with a book and cig in hand, i attacked the local "tambayan" with a strong determination to accomplish my goal...

the mission: read sputnik sweetheart up until i'm too dizzy to even bother comprehending a single line.

with three bottles of beer down in less than 45 minutes i can't say that i got drunk, just a bit lightheaded. i planned on getting a fourth order but not even the cig helped me from my distaste of beer. hehe... so i simply went on reading and managed to cover a good 40-50 pages of the murakami novel. every now and then people came up to me and invited me to their table AND like always, i declined. i've gotten used to that scenario, that's why i never go on solo adventures without my "i'm fine being solitary" line at the ready "it's alright. i'll be leaving in a few minutes anyway. thanks" can't they see that being alone doesn't necessarily equate with loneliness? i'm perfectly fine being the only person on a bench, or a table for that matter. i appreciate the "concern" but it's all good, REALLY! maybe next time i should wear a (do not disturb) sign huh?

it was an uneventful night. mission failed, i guess... not to mention i almost hit a motorcycle. ehe.

she said

i hate you for always being there. for picking me up for our yo-sessions almost every night. i hate you for making me nice testimonials and for making my friendster profile pretty. i hate you for picking me up at 12 midnight to see mars and for sitting right next to me in the park. i hate you for being so understanding of my eccentricities. and for not misjudging the way i act and the things i say. i hate your for laughing with me, shouting with me and consoling me whenever i'm worried or sad. i hate you for being so good at dancing and for being so game in everything. i hate you so, so, so much for being a friends and i sometimes hate myself for loving the things you do and the things you say. as our old line goes, "i hate loving you!" i hate you for being my fan at dzyr's... ahem... i hate you for not coming home to say goodbye. i so, so, so hate you nax. i hate you and karla for making me cry. i hate you for making me hate leaving... but then again, i have to. i hate you for not giving my cd's back. i hope you make that a reason to visit me in cebu. oh yeah, i hate you for making me drink beer. i hate beer! i hate you and i don't ever want to thank you for everything. you've made me so sad for not spending my last day in ili with me. i hate you and i hope you won't take care of yourself even if i wanted you to coz i care. i hate you slutboy! pervert! i hate you coz i'm pretty sure that i won't ever find another one like you in cbu. you won't find another on like me either! serves you right! i hate you slutboy!! i abhor you! i hope you'll show your ass in cebu one of these days so i could pinch it real hard. you deserve that punishment! i hate you, i hate you, i hate you!

=======

sheeeesh, she sure does hate me. oh well, i guess i hate her too. hehehe...

pug

"What can i do

to find myself

a new chew toy?

Whisper it to me,

please.

I'll do whatever it takes

to fill the empty box

you pulled it out of."

With head hung low,

and a sad face on,

Freud whimpered.

He always looks the same so nobody really knows what he wants.

I feel for you doggy.

I really do.

Hahay...

Soon.