happy

we talked. we laughed. we said our goodbyes. it was tempting not to leave but i did, if only to make myself look unattached. it may be all for naught but i am happy even for just this moment . . .

Deliverance

Here you are again.
I can feel you breath down my neck.
Whispering her name while whistling those killer melodies.
You give me a face of an angel like you once had.
And I am nothing but a creature of habit running away in circles,

But I was found by this person that flew me up high.
Now I see clearly, I'm telling you to let go of me.

Now that I've found my way back home, where I belong.
No longer a slave running away in circles
because I've been found by this person, who flew me high.

Get out of my head.
Get out of my soul.
Get out my dreams.
Get out of my house.
Get out of my life.

Get out. Get out. Get out. (Repeat)
No longer a slave…

No longer a slave running away in circles
because I've been found by this person, who flew me high. (repeat)

~In love with the words that form out the feeling . . .

running

"Running"

Run
Running all the time
Running to the future
With you right by my side

Me
I'm the one you chose
Out of all the people
You wanted me the most
I'm so sorry that I'm falling
Help me up lets keep on running
Don't let me fall out of love

[Chorus:]
Running, running
As fast as we can
Do you think we'll make it?
(Do you think we'll make it?)
We're running
Keep holding my hand
It's so we don't get separated

Be
Be the one I need
Be the one I trust most
Don't stop inspiring me
Sometimes it's hard to keep on running
We work so much to keep it going
Don't make me want to give up

[Repeat chorus twice]

(The future)

[Repeat chorus]

~Where to now?

Sea of blue

I swim. Deeper into the blue that you threw me into. You gave me a headstart. I felt like I was in control, as if, I was the one driving the wheel. I loved it. You gave me the chance to taste what it was like to be mature and you taught me to take on steady strokes. I swam and I never tired of swimming, up until now.

You made me believe that i was quite the charmer, of wit and coyness, a boy. Everybody says so but when it comes from you it's "just" different, you indulged in my childishness because you saw something more than that. or was it, what you wanted me to believe? I made you think that it was all a game for me, that nothing serious will surface from this. And it was what I intended it to be, but you unknowingly changed the rules for me. I obliged and followed your stride. I had fun playing with you, and just when I thought I grew out of playing, you left. Without any explanation you left me in the very middle of things just when I was sure you'll help me across, right when I was clinging on to you to help me through this.

I was scared, puzzled, helpless. But then, I had to be strong. I met people along the way who were motivated by the same objective of finding a way across. They thought I could help them through this. They had confidence in what I could do for them, when all the while I never found that in me because I still felt like a child gripping on to an entity who's no longer there for me to look up to. I avoided forming intimate relationships with others because I didnt want to fail you, and too proud to prove to you that I could make it on my own. I was so focused on you that I lost sight of people who could've filled in the hole that you made. I hurt people even though it wasnt my real intention but I'll just have to deal with that. Let them hate me for those reasons because I know I just saved them from bigger pain, me.

I used to pity people who continue to root for their false hopes and with the way things turned out I became another one down that very list. Oh, the irony of things.

Maybe I am clinging on an empty dream one where you'll pull me out of the sea of blue you put me in to. And so here I am. Still waiting. Still swimming. Im tired but I continue to hope . . .