stars

to A:

you are a mystery to me and I to you, complete strangers to one another. but at the back of my mind, I can feel your stare. you have piqued my interest yet i know it's best to leave things as they are. deadlocked by distance, restrained by doubt. for what it's worth, let it remain etched in the midnight sky among stars. you may not see it my way... but i hope you comprehend.

i am left in the middle. and i opt to stay that way. regret is imperative but i only wish to save you from my frustrations. i would be lying if i said i had no intentions of gving it a shot, and in truth i want to try but trying might only push me deeper into hopelessness. i pray that the fates be good to you and that you might fare better than i have.

Only When I Sleep

You're only just a dreamboat
Sailing in my head
You swim my secret oceans
Of coral blue and red
Your smell is incense burning
Your touch is silken yet
It reaches through my skin
And moving from within
It clutches at my breast


But it's only when I sleep
See you in my dreams
You got me spinning round and round
Turning upside-down
But I only hear you breathe

Somewhere in my sleep
Got me spinning round and round
Turning upside-down
But its only when I sleep


And when I wake from slumber
Your shadow's disappear
Your breath is just a sea mist
Surrounding my body
I'm workin' through the daytime
But when it's time to rest
I'm lying in my bed
Listening to my breath
Falling from the edge
But it's only when I sleep


See you in my dreams
You got me spinning round and round
Turning upside-down
But I only hear you breathe

Somewhere in my sleep
Got me spinning round and round
Turning upside-down
But its only when I sleep
It's only when I sleep


Up to the sky
Where angels fly
I'll never die
Hawaiian High
In bed I lie
No need to cry
My sleeping cry
Hawaiian High


It's reaching through my skin
Movin' from within
Clutches at my breasts
But it's only when I sleep....


See you in my dreams
You got me spinning round and round
Turning upside-down
But I only hear you breathe

Somewhere in my sleep
Got me spinning round and round
Turning upside-down
But its only when I sleep


Up to the sky
Where angels fly
I'll never die
Hawaiian High
In bed I lie
No need to cry
My sleeping cry
Hawaiian High


~I heard this from some crummy internet cafe. It's the song that best describes how I feel at this moment minus the "clutching" part. :P

Why

I was sitting beside Y-U on a pile of bricks (How unromantic, I know!), and we were talking with candor. It felt good talking with Y-U, the feeling you get when you're all giddy and excited, playing with your first pet dog. When all of a sudden the atmosphere got all cheesy. It wasn't long until Y-U advanced into more "delicate" matters. Out of the discussion Y-U asked for a kiss. And so I complied, with force. We were both caught off-guard with what just happened but it felt good. We talked on and on until a warm gust of wind reached me. Just as I entertained the warmth, it vanished as fast as it came about, and then I opened my eyes only to find out that it was just a dream.

I know it's cheesy and it had to be the weirdest dream of my life since I first became conscious. Im clueless as to how Y-U managed to fit in and the reason why I called this person Y-U since the first question that sprang into my mind right after I woke up was "Why you?" Y-U's been out of my mind for so long and Im baffled how "this" came about. We never had a deep connection and all this time I treated Y-U as just another "friend," up until this. The scary thing is, I wanted to get back to that dream.. if only to find myself with Y-U again. I know it's close to impossible for this to happen in reality but I can't help but wonder. If only I can run back to my dreams to sate this longing.

What is my subconscious telling me? I guess the things Ive been running away from have finally caught up with me and manifested into this very dream. Strange... I dont know how to address this and all I can come up are questions. Maybe I've fooled myself all this time? Maybe I've been a hypocrite all these years? Maybe just maybe... I'm better off freeing myself from these shackles I've carried with me ever since. If only it were that easy, I would have done it a long time ago.

I wish to dream again, if only to find myself back in that same picture. Let me delve into thoughts free of worry and tensions that stem from this harsh world. I know kids are best left with this but what is there to lose if I wish for dreams to come true?