ire

it hurts having to hurt people. it hurts some more that they continue hurting for the love of you. how long will I get on with this? when will you find me? up until there are a host of others in my wake?

inner smile

(one, two, three, four)
Yeh, yeh
Yeh, yeh
Yeh, yeh
Yeh, yeh
Yeh, yeh
Yeh, yeh
Oh yeh

You gave me something
Like loving
And took me in so soon
You took my feelings
From nothing
Came back at noon
Just meet me
I’m ready
To show myself to you

So if I lose my patience
You must try to understand
(try to understand)
If I lose my patience
Oh yeh

Cause you make me feel
Cause you make me feel wild
You touch my inner smile
You got me in the mood
So come on and make your rule
And free me

You make my wishes
As much as
Your kisses make me blue
You’ve found my river
Now will you
Escape away too
But baby
I’m ready
I’m falling into you

So if I lose my patience
You must try to understand
(try to understand)
If I lose my patience
Oh yeh

Cause you make me feel
Cause you make me feel wild
You touch my inner smile
You got me in the mood
So come on and make your rule
And free me

Free me
Free me
Wow wow wow
Wow wow wow
Wow yeh

Cause you make me feel wild
You touch my inner smile
You got me in the mood
So come on and make your rule
And touch my inner smile

Come get my inner smile
Smile
Smile
Yeh yeh

Sometimes I need to be alone
There’s times I need for you to phone
Sometimes you make me feel so high
There’s times I ask myself why
Sometimes I need to be alone
There’s times...

---

It's just a song I'm singing. But really, who will get to touch my inner smile?

fresh

It's 2005 and yes, I continue to wait for that which will break down the shield that has crippled me from moving on to a better life, a life that may really be worth living. The very shield that I had put up to protect me from the harshness of the world around me has become the sole prison that i seek release from. It's funny how the mechanism that has guarded me for so long ended up being my greatest weakness.

The new year spells change and fresh beginnings. I believe so. And yet, here I am thinking, hoping with lack of action, wallowing in the stagnant pool that I consider as my universe. The irony. And so I swim until that which will disturb my world arrives.

Hey, don't make me wait too long... it does get tedious you know. I've been at it all my life.

i am the dandy

Most of us feel trapped within the limited roles that the world expects us to play. We are instantly attracted to those who are more fluid that we are - those who create their own persona. Dandies excite us because they cannot be categorized, and hint at a freedom we want for ourselves. They play with masculinity and femininity; they fashion their own physical image, which is always startling. Use the power of the Dandy to create an ambiguous, alluring presence that stirs repressed desires.

Symbol: The Orchid. Its shape and colour oddly suggest both sexes, its odour is sweet and decadent - it is a tropical flower of evil. Delicate and highly cultivated, it is prized for its rarity; it is unlike any other flower.

What Type of Seducer are You?

once again, i find myself in a box.