insomnia

yippee!! it's exactly 2:59am in my clock and i'm still up. im too bored to sleep and im too tired to do anything but waste time. im not moving any bit on the positive.

factors:

it sucks hurting people when not meaning to. and when i do hurt people on purpose i feel less burdened, amused even. release. the irony of things.

a lot of things have been dragging me to their own ends.. i dont know wether they're pulling me toward the right or wrong direction. im in such a bind and i feel so helpless. and yet, i dont want to do anything about it.

im so detached from my former self. is this a good thing or a bad thing? can it be both? ack! it's tearing me apart. i dont know how to react. i feel.. helpless and it sickens me.

being weak sucks. but wearing a mask and acting as if ur under control is worse. it was never my intention to pull people down with me. it may have given me this sense of controlling the wheel but it demanded a huge amount of responsibility.. with what, i dont know. im not good with responsibilities. im not good with commitments. im not good with anything but slowing people down so i can feed off their youth.. their innocence.. their sincerity.. it nourishes me.

i am losing my favourite game. and what's worse is, nobody's there to see me fall.

hmmm.. and i just realized that insomnia can be contagious.

oh well.. im back. back to pretending as if everything's fine.. when it's not. find me