heaven

First stick.
"All I want is to feel this way
To be this close, to feel the same
All I want is to feel this way
The evening speaks, I feel it say..."
There I was, up alone on a lonely hill that overlooked a small city, and those lines kept on ringing in my head. I’m not sure why my subconscious chose to sing that song but it was a clear declaration of how I wanted that moment to be.. just as it was. Solitary.
Lights down below flickered on and off as smoke billowed in front of me, teasing me to follow its flight. It was tempting but it was never my style to be that impulsive, especially when all was perfectly silent. Bliss, I thought, up until heat bit my lips. And so I took out another piece hoping that I could make it last much longer.
Second stick.
Isolation intrigues me - Not caring, not living for others, and not being entitled to protect other people's feelings but yourself. If only it was that easy, how perfect life would be for me. Distancing myself from others would save me a great deal of anxieties. That’s why I don’t blame people who chose to escape reality because it's mighty hard to keep sanity amidst mental and emotional vexation.
Vague thoughts raced round my head but a sound broke the silence of which I relished. A car driven by an old man slowly lurched towards where I was situated, deliberately disturbing my solitude. I inhaled hard to dispose of the very object that kept me from wandering off into my deepest thoughts. Finished. Displeased and wanting to leave I motioned to stand but then the car left just as sudden as it appeared. Perhaps, he too wanted seclusion. A bit annoyed of his indecisiveness, yet thankful for respecting my privacy, I sat back down and drew out another one.
Third stick.
Burn. I puffed and relaxed myself back down. I breathed in and breathed out and soon, clouds spun around my head. Now dizzy, I stared blankly at the sad night sky. There were no stars and no moon to watch over me. Not that it matters. This was what I wanted anyway. I was half-way through the so-called cancer stick when a couple riding a motorcycle parked close by. I guess I was lost in the darkness of the sky and with the smoke that playfully danced above me. I knew it was time to leave and spare myself from the mushiness this couple brought along with them. I burned out the ember and hurriedly walked past the two, wearing a complacent smile on my face, as if telling them that it was their turn to make use of my spot.
I got on the car and sped down the hill. Driving round the many hushed streets that riddled the city, I drove past men and women who must be searching for that same thing I am. Everybody shares the same dream but move towards it in different ways. I didn’t know how far or how close they were in reaching this and I never bothered to overanalyze maybe because I was too intoxicated or that I’m just plain indifferent.
As I closed in on home I felt smug knowing that I just found my own piece of heaven, with a lighter and a cigarette on that lonely hill that overlooked a small city...