faith

x: u think He'll approve of that? i mean, we’ve asked a lot of things from Him and He always answers them.. and here i am, stretching my limit, wanting to commit more mistakes. dont u find me such an ingrate?

y: NO. definitely not. the nature of man is something scholars have defined using their own God-given reason to set bounds and limits to the world, to put a formula to the mystery of life, to make it sound simpler and to reduce it to predictability and simplicity in spite of its true complexity

x: does that make me free to run out of pure impulse?

y: WHAT REALLY MATTERS is how you deal with others. i am an idealist, as i've told u before, and not...basta, the one who learns and thinks by experience. i still believe in experience though but i believe that God judges us by our deeds and actions, but what we believe we have contributed and what we believe we have sacrificed for his sake. by what.. no human definition or description can match the power of the human spirit :) believe that you are good :)

x: true, but then again, people have been defined and squished to a sorry pulp. if what u say is right, then why am i unsure that ill be satisfied with the outcome? it might just open up a pandora's box of trouble and ill be dealing with a new set of harsher/tougher problems

y: coz u havent let go of society's chauvinism. its like being tied down by material possessions. after all, those are still concerns of the earthly world. think beyond the textbook and into the bible where all good deeds flow

x: how can one be good when people will ultimately judge him evil? what is one’s worth if he is unappreciated? i mean how can i compensate for my weaknesses? what can i do? who can i be? when im just me..

y: u always think too much. your concerns will eat u alive. why not let go of those WHAT IFs coz none of them are certain namn and jst live your life the way you want to. life is too short and sweet to be wasted worrying bout others. think of it as another ordinary defect. If there’s somebody ugly in the world, well, that's ur defect coz it makes u imperfect for some but totally lovable for everyone else. no one's perfect and u cnt please everyone. the least u could do is be the most adorable friend, anak, mentor, being. In the deed sense ah..

x: yeah... i should know my parameters, what I’m capable of and work out from there. make the best out of what's been given me. but i want much. This might just be my crappiest period.

y: hehe.. what's with the crappy mood? u got other problems?

x: well, i cant pick them apart!

y: we all have our selfish motives but too much ambition at the wrong time might leave us racing for nothing. well how bout loving urself FIRST. it always starts with that :)

x: how can i do that when i find myself LACKING?

y: hehe :) but really, i dnt knw why u are who you are, the same way i am who i am. i see my flaws and acknowledge them. but ive long accepted that i am too loved and blessed by God to magnify what i lack rather than count what i have abounding. when God makes his list, it wnt have popular belief in the criteria. jst u and Him

x: wer are u getting all this?

y: FAITH :) one only needs faith to believe. when u come to think of it, when u put God in the center of your life, things jst fall into perspective coz he gives no reason for pessimism and he is the reason for a good life. so u up to smiling na and living your life with a brighter perspective? :)

x: i have been doing that! in fact i wake up everyday thanking Him without fail. for very shallow reasons but im very thankful.. i have HIM to thank for getting me this far even though i feel like im spiraling down cynicism

y: which should stop you from worrying coz u have more to be grateful for :)

x: like what? Lol dont know what's been keepin me up. Oh, there's you for one! But i dont think i have a steady support system to begin with soooooooo thank u for bearing with me

y: that you got a good family, friends, a full stomach, the stuff you want, the opportunity to watch tv, laugh at jokes, go out at night, even see the city which not everyone gets to see (even i miss it)

x: hahahaha... one will only know wat's truly beautiful when it's no longer there

y: exactly. its all opportunity cost. if you gain some you lose some :) you cnt have the world u know