mercy

i've been a refugee for weeks now. out of the goodness of their hearts (naks!), my good friends have smuggled me in while i'm still unsettled. many thanks guys! still, i am the very embodiment of a freeloader. pakapalan na ng mukha. demn. :P but my current host will soon be unburdened with my presence because come saturday i'm finally moving to this spacious apartment that makes me feel closest to home. awww... and from the original rent of 10k per month, further negotiations brought it down to P8,500! beat that! i'm so excited! there better be no delays because i can't afford another day in this condo. my days here have been a constant struggle NOT to spend my allowance on trivial stuff in the nearby malls... grrrr... but more often than not, i surrender to pure impulse. hehehe... i bought 6 new clothes in less than a week, which is more than my usual yearly wardrobe upgrade of 4 clothes. maygarsh! thanks to a particular store's clearance sale, 50% off on good items is just too tempting to pass up. tough! and i got myself a shorter do so goodbye long, unruly, lion's mane-ish hair. and guess how much it cost me! 1... 2... 3... giving up? p25o for a friggin' haircut! all thanks to my companion's insistence. classy salon my arse. but i'm pretty satisfied with my new mane. hayyyy... it's just that back home, i could get a good cut for less than p100. what else ate away my money? hrmmm... oh yes, going to the movies and my nightly dose of caffeine in the many coffee places that dot the vicinity. grrrr... just thinking of how much of my allowance got sucked up is making my head spin. enough.

i can't wait for the weekend to come... huhuhu... so many things to do by then. other than cleaning the new place, i have to get the following; a good mattress, huge fluffy pillows, electric fan (preferably an industrial fan. lol), rice cooker, electric kettle (kyowa?), gas stove, toiletries, throw pillows, carpet, plates, and lots of noodles/pancit canton! :P hey you. yes you! do notify me if i missed out on anything important or better yet provide me with the said items. nyahaha... just kidding. no, seriously. :D

if i don't hold back on thursday and friday, i'm sure i'll run short on cash for the downpayment. maygarsh!!! the horror! :(( 2 more days... 2 more days that could prove disastrous if spent in malls. huhuhuhu... if you're generous enough, do send me money. interested? just drop a message with your email so i can give you my bank account number. have a heart man! lol.

i sound like a friggin beggar. darnit. hahahaha... i don't care. that's just how it is. no matter, from here on things can only get better and better and better. *im crossing my fingers AND toes* :P

and to think that i'm still taking the first step. landing a good job would be next. *sigh* this is all too familiar. a repeat of 2006. what if i never left? what would've happened? i'd like to think that close to 12 months of bumhood wasn't such a waste, that it served a bigger purpose, even though i'm already a year behind my batchmates. hayyy... i won't be making the same mistakes as before. i mustn't because i can't afford to. focus, elvin. focus.

oh God help me. God bless us all!

nuys

this is mandy moore's cover of rihanna's song 'umbrella.' ayus!



you can stand under my umbrella... ella... ella... hey, hey, hey...

huhuhuhu

tired.

'tis all. stupid no? pray for me... God bless us all!

nothing

i've been through this several times before and i've gotten myself into the same mess again... but this time around, it's slightly different, the tables have turned. garsh! who would've thought? its just like what they say, what goes around comes around. karma finally caught up with me, i guess. hayyy... i can't believe that i allowed it to get this far. i should know better. so stupid. fact me.

'do what you have to do' thats what ms. mclachlan told me. i just hope that i was able to contain much of the damage. hayyy.. enough. when will all of this be over? bilis... i really want to skip the sullen bit and jump straight to just-like-the-good-'ol-days. if only i had the option to fast forward ala click. tough.

uhm... right! this is all a twisted dream the sandman cooked up out of pure spite. demn that old geezer! quick, pinch my ass or something!

*just yammering nonsense. spare me. shoo!*

but really, this isn't easy and i'm tired. i want to wake up already... please.

fact it

fact! i was supposed to buy this cool jacket i've been drooling on for days but somebody got to it first. fact! i checked yesterday if it was still there, it was, and i even tried it on, it fit perfectly! so i went to the nearest atm to get some cash coz what i had was insufficient but on the way back i was met with heavy traffic. when i finally reached the place it was friggin closed!!! it was still 6:40pm on my watch, and they're supposed to close on 7 friggin' pm! FACT! i grudgingly went back home and was greeted with my father's assurance that nobody will pick that item any time soon, that i should take my time. feeling reassured, i was hopeful for tomorrow. and so the day of reckoning came, i hurriedly went to the shop, asked for the size i previously tried on, and waited excitedly near the dressing room... when lo and behold, the most tragic news hit me, they sold it to someone earlier. i was a few minutes late. FACT! i was annoyed beyond words! then i noticed the dour looking manager approach and finally stopping by to listen in on the conversation i was having with the clerk. i ended up asking the manager when she'll restock on the said item but she pretended not to hear. i swear i could've thrown the clothes rack at her then and there! fact! but i composed myself and repeated the same question matched with a glare and a tone of impatience. i'm sure that caught her by surprise and expectedly, she lightened her mood. 'i'm afraid we won't be ordering the same line. try our other items, sir' she said, with a less indifferent approach. it wasn't the best response but a clear improvement from before. serves her right that hag. spirit low and clearly pissed off, i told my father what happened and as if adding insult to injury, told me that i should have bought it first thing in the morning. ahhhhhh.. i was about to blow up in anger! wasn't he the one who told me that nobody will go for the same item? wasn't he the one who told me to take my time?! that hypocrite, blaming me for the actions i clearly took from his advice. i just shut my mouth. grrrr...

so my friends tell me 'maybe it just wasn't meant for you, that you'll find something better if not the best. just wait.' how come i'm not convinced? it felt like it was meant for me. that it was the best. i waited for so long, brooding on the very thought of wanting it. and when the time was ripe for me to have it, the universe keeps me from it. fact! why? everything i wanted; work, independence, healthier relationships, vacation, etc. not one of those did i ever get! don't i at least deserve that jacket? it was small compared to my previous wants but still its a NO! ahhhhhhhhhhhh... i know its shallow but the littlest things tick me off these days. i'm going crazy!

haven't i waited long enough?

here's a sad/cute/funny vid to remind you how the world can be so unfair. that bitch... watch the vid and you'll see what i mean.




tough.

take me to beautiful

i've been a hermit as of late. i think i deserve a good break from everything... for lack of resources and time. this realization came about when my friggin’ flu didn’t get any better after 2 weeks of torment. besides, it’s highly unlikely that the world’s gonna miss me. i just need some time alone to recuperate and nurse myself back to health. i believe that my hibernation is well-deserved and im not sure when i’ll come out of this. errrr… i don’t have anything left to say… i don’t even know why i’m writing this… just that i wanted to explain my disconnectedness. disconnectedness… wow, long word. i’m so discombobulated! what?! another long word! demn… oh well, here are some pretty pictures to distract you from my usual loopyness.

cotton candy

eye in the sky

smells like violets

these pics were taken in palawan. absolutely breathtaking! well, that's it for now. oyasumi nasai!

sunday afternoon

it's a choice to stay
it's a dream and I wanna wake

you have blood on your hands
and I'm feeling faint
and honey, you can't decide

I'm a drug you don't wanna give up
smoke your cigarettes, make your love

you poured blood in my heart
and I can't get enough
I'm drowning, drowning
and you can't decide

it's not about geography or happenstance
you need to fly and take a chance
you don't need to soar to emptiness
or float on high and forever dance alone
you're scared, scared, scared
cause I feel like home

hear your voice, knew right away
if you were here your eyes would say
there is blood on my feet
as I'm walking away
rivers are red, it's starting to rain

I'm not gonna live for you or die for you
won't do anything anymore for you
cause you leave me here on the other side

I'm not gonna shed one more tear for you
at least not til sunday afternoon
sunday afternoon

leave or stay

===
this is a beautiful song by the ever brilliant rachael yamagata. it has been eating at me for a long while but its funny how i'm actually posting this on a sunday afternoon. coincidence? in doo's words 'natumbok mo, kaibigan.' :P here's a vid to prove my point. what point, you ask? that its a wonderful song of course! hayy.. enough of the small talk.. check it out.



pfft...

.

but...

the tag game

Rules:
Each player of this game starts off with 15 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged needs to write an entry of their own 15 weird things/habits/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end, you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names. No tag backs.

15 weird things/habits/little known facts about ME!

1. i have a morbid fear of roaches! cockroachaphobia! is there such a term? wehehehe
2. i have a huge collection of rpg games but i've only finished 3 of them, namely, final fantasy - 8, 10, and 12.
3. i haven't witnessed a sunrise for almost 2 years now.
4. i am the first (self-proclaimed) 'emo.' my HS classmates dubbed me that for some unknown reasons. hehehe...
5. i really want to have a pet horse so that i can ride it ala geronimo! grrrr... and a ranch. hehehe
6. i can't remember birthdays! good thing cellphones/social networking sites feature birthday reminders! :P
7. i'm a hypocrite. ahehe
8. i easily get fed up with a LOT of things.
9. the first movie that scared the shit out of me was ju-on. damn glorietta's CRs for having speakers installed in em!
10. i am NOT fond of kids.
11. i can't get enough of my sassy girl. watched it for 8+ times already.
12. i cried over land before time 1.
13. i had a pet monkey (muymuy) but i gave it back to my gramps. its dead now.
14. back in my younger years.. i was offered to star (or extra?) in a commercial. wahahaha..
15. i've never bought a single clothing item for myself, everrrrr...

i don't know anybody who'd want to play. i guess it ends here. :(

virgohoro 5/20/07

The Bottom Line

Be clearer about what you can do for the people who are asking for your help.

In Detail

It's time for you to be clearer about what you can (and cannot) do for the people in your life who are asking for your help. This applies to both your personal and business life, but it's much more relevant to work right now. Some people might be asking you to do things that they have plenty of time to do themselves. You always assume the best of people, but not everyone deserves this generosity.

====

aha! tumpak! tis all! :P

somebody give me a kitkat

i don't know why i waste my time. i'm putting myself through so much strain than i need to be. many things have been spoken, more so are left undone.

while its one thing to be compassionate and another to be indulgent, i never saw the difference then. now i know it all too well.

i just want to save the world but i'm snowed under.

so and so

it has been an extremely monotonous 2 weeks for me. first half of my day (which often starts at 2pm) was spent in front of the computer. and the second half's when i go out with my cousins/friends to grab a snack, drink coffee, down a beer or something. that's how it usually went, for 2 weeks straight! bummer!

first off, i've been watching movies/shows/animes over this wonderful site 8+ hours a day! you name it, they have it... at least a lot of the good ones, from the most recent down to the obscure. my number one pick for unheard of animes is basilisk! it tells a bit of history on how japan employed ninjas in deciding their shogun. now i won't spill more details but if you're a ninja freak like me then it'll definitely work for you. as far as shows are concerned, i have consumed all heroes and ugly betty episodes there are to find. for me to be watching heroes is predictable considering my lifelong fascination with super powered characters but what's amazing is how ugly betty kept me glued. it could be in the way she stays true to herself when the 'real' world clearly wants to spit her back out. or maybe its in how she's easily identifiable with a large population of the very 'regular' kind, me included. :P and there's also that deep wanting to see her turn from ugly to pretty. those are several things that give the show a subtle charm, making it a must-see series. also, betty looks and acts a lot like my HS classmate so that's an added bonus! i bet you're thinking that i'm not so hooked to this huh? :P

i've been out and about past 10pm and constant chillin' has never been more tedious. hanging around with my friends and cousins was something i usually looked forward to, now it has become so predictable that it feels more like work and less like fun. it's not that i don't enjoy their company but seeing the same faces night after night makes me want to gag. they are the greatest people i could have around, it's just that i need a break... even for a day. i am desperately needing some alone time but saying no to these guys is like committing the gravest crime punishable by life sentence. what to do? what to do? especially when i'm low on cash and i have currently been reinstated as the 'counselor.'

*before i go on, i should warn you that this is the part where i'll ego trip for a wee bit :P* being the contemplative (uyyy.. feeler) and nosy person that i am its no surprise that i have become the proverbial shoulder to cry on, listening ear, love doctor, keeper of secrets or whatchamacallit. it's not that i mind... i really dont coz i find great honor in having their full trust... but as of late they've all been spilling their love problems on me, all in one go! wahh.. what is it about summer and its mean spell on romantic relationships? tsk tsk tsk... i can't say i give the best advice coz i can be pretty harsh. also, i'm not the most experienced person in the L department and yet they take my word for it... or do they really?! hehehe... maybe i'm just lucky my friends are gullible enough to believe in my supposed wisdom :P *end!* but when i do get tired of their whining i will have to convince them to have their problems solved straight from the love calculator! nyahahaha

and for those of you who follow this blog, you might notice that i have changed the template. for those of you who don't, it wouldn't mean a world of difference now would it? :P the new banner didn't work well with the previous template so i am forced to utilize one of blogger's presets until i find the time to fully renovate this. btw, the wonderful banner you see above is all thanks to arielski. if you wish to have one made just visit his site. *i will be receiving an incentive for the free advertise* :P

anyway, i admire you for getting this far in my pointless entry. it just goes to show how bored you are. :P i'll try to talk about something more relevant next time but until then let me leave you with something i found hilarious. just click on the image to get a clearer view. guess what i got :P

'nuff said

tarot tarot

You are The Chariot

Triumph, Victory, Overcoming Obstacles.

The chariot is one of the most complex cards to define. On its most basic level, it implies war, a struggle, and an eventual, hard-won victory. Either over enemies, obstacles, nature, the beasts inside you, or to just get what you want. But there is a great deal more to it. The charioteer wears emblems of the sun, yet the sign behind this card is the moon. The chariot is all about motion, and yet it is often shown as stationary. It is a union of opposites, like the black and white steeds. They pull in different directions, but must be (and can be!) made to go together in one direction. Control is required over opposing emotions, wants, needs, people, circumstances; bring them together and give them a single direction, your direction. Confidence is also needed and, most especially, motivation. The card can, in fact, indicate new motivation or inspiration, which gets a stagnant situation moving again.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

=====
interesting tarot card i picked... fits like a glove. i got this from lurshlee nga pala. :P

virgohoro 4/4/07

The Bottom Line

If you start feeling restless today, distract yourself by hanging out with friends.

In Detail

Don't be concerned if you start feeling quite restless today -- the stars say that there are a lot of good things coming your way soon, and your subconscious can sense them. You're getting impatient -- even though you don't know what you're impatient about! You can spend your day imagining what these good things could be. Or you can distract yourself with work and let the surprise unfold as the universe wants it to unfold.

----

ain't that grand? it's been a long wait... :D

"I want to believe that it is wonderful to be free. Free again. Ready to find my one true love, who is waiting for me and who will never allow me to experience such humiliation again."

what if i asked why you pull me along?
will you give me the answer i badly want to hear?

what if i never gave you that nth chance?
would it have made any difference?

what if i'll leave all of a sudden?
will it make you think of what you've lost?

what if our paths never crossed?
would it have made me any less unhappy?

it could have been a month or a year but i gave up long before i realized that i wanted it to stay...

still the world turns

i will wait for you but please come soon

like a constant hum in my head,
you never cease to play.
in my next lifetime,
will we fall under a more favorable circumstance?
in that one shining star i've set my eyes on,
will it be me you'll choose?
i continue to hope,
and always will.

----
i get mushy when i'm drunk... i think i am. :P

blog before bed

just a few secrets that hit me like umph! :-P


haymish langai and the bluemansion! will be seeing you soon! :-)


lastly, here's something from Paulo Coelho's By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept:

All of us have had this experience. At some point, we have each said through our tears, "I'm suffering for a love that's not worth it." We suffer because we feel we are giving more than we receive. We suffer because our love is going unrecognized. We suffer because we are unable to impose our own rules.

ahsus! :-P

the zahir

"Until one morning, I'll wake up and find I'm thinking about something else, and then I'll know the worst is over. My heart might be bruised, but it will recover and become capable of seeing the beauty of life once more. It happened before, it will happen again I'm sure. When someone leaves, it's because someone is about to arrive --- I'll find love again."

====
and the world spins madly on...

please

take me far, far away...

mr. chips

1 little, 2 little, 3 little blinking lights...



when lo and behold a shooting star streaked past. now, you don't see those too often! was i merely imagining things? no matter, i made a wish, one i've been keeping for so long. they say wishes are best left for children who still believe in dreams coming true, for hopeless hopefuls waiting on better days, lovers wanting their own happy ever after and so on. you can call me cheesy but there's no harm in trying, right? :P

i've wished for this on my birthday, christmas eve, new year, chain mails, fortune telling, card games, what have you... only this time, i feel differently, much stronger of it coming true because it was whispered on a shooting star when the night sky was nothing but stellar.

i will wait for you but please come soon... :)