take a hint

Doh! Sumo sa tanang sumo! You always end up messing your life and you run to me, asking for whatever comfort you can get. But no matter how many times we talk, nothing I say ever gets through to you. For countless times, I’ve sincerely offered you my counsel, you say you’ll try and then the next thing I know we’re back to zero.

I am sick, sick of you for piling up one problem after another and having me hear it over and over again. I’ve been your scapegoat for so long. Yes, I understand that I’m the only person you can really talk to but whatever-we’re-in right now, it’s not helping the both of us. You’re not learning and at the same time the weight of whatever-we-have isn’t getting me anywhere. It was fun but I can’t be just the shrink forever. I have problems too, you know, and I plan on resolving them. And the first on my list, is YOU.

You should know that I hate goodbyes but with you it’s not as difficult as I expected it to be. I had fun last night. Why? Because I never got to think about you, worry about you, talk about you. Not having you around in every waking minute of my day might make my life better.
But you should know that while writing this I felt my conscience throwing boulders at me. Don’t ever think that you didn’t matter because you DID. Well, maybe you still do for just a tiny bit. Aftershocks I guess. I’ve spent so many months with you and that’s enough to have me pick a handful of wonderful moments to bring with me. The times we shared were beautiful but I want something that’s consistent, clear, tangible… something deeper. A validation of all of those things you never gave me, things you could never give. I know it’s selfish, I know it may be unfair on your part because you’ve never done anything harsh but there’s always a time when one needs to move out of unproductive relationships. As for me, that time is now.

Sayonara. Ciao. Au Revoir. Adios. Goodbye.

It should’ve just been you I bid farewell to and not... someone else. Hahay. It’s bothersome having to start over again but I’ll find someone who’ll show me why it never worked between you and me.

Time will reveal.

sorta goodbye

Yes, i am the wind,
flying past one desert to another.
and you are the Bedouin, burnt dry,
yet too proud to wash yourself with me

I would have been the one carrying the rain,
water that would quell your long drought.
But never given that chance,
I am spent.

I will run past dunes and sandstorms, again,
when i would've wanted to stay a bit longer.
Still, I am content at that one shot
of having been able to cool your parched soul.

I have lingered enough in your oasis
and so with flight i will find closure.
And though the relief i could’ve given is rare,
those days are gone.


***

its funny how you spurred me to draw near although the nearest i could get was still too far to see your face yet close enough to see your chains. i would've unchained you if you wanted me to but you didn't. i guess i'll never be the boy who'll set you free. now, i'm so far from home but i haven't gone anywhere.

=====

this post is long overdue. i am happy (?)

sanamanipud

it seems that the only option i have right now is to wait for that star with your name to fall. please make this easier for me.

ouch indeed.

magbisaya ko kay gikapoy nakog sigeg english. walay magbuot. dugo sa ilong ang maabtan sa mupalag. so... gimingaw nako sa akong superfriends. wala mo kabalo sa kamingaw nga akong gibati ky wala mo diri. pasensya na kung sauna murag gisayun sayun ra nako ang atong pag-uban pero karon rajud nidulot ang akong paghinangup ninyo. hahay... ambot lang. wala man gud koy makasturya diri. unya ug naa man gani, binuang ra halos ang sturya. kanang naay oras para sa pagpakatawa pero naa pod higayun nga dapat sineryoso ang sturya, diba?
ambot nganu napadpad ko aning lugara oi. mao man pod ni akong gusto, para ma-independent. wala ko nagdahum nga akong gipangita ky bahin ra sa pagpanginabuhi, kundili apil pod diay sa uban butang... hahay. naa unta mo diri mga superfriends para naa koi mapagawsan sa akong gibati. it's really lonely not having you guys around especially when i'm at my weakest.
i know that 2006 should be our year but we're already half way through and nothing seems to be going right. i hope we can make it up for what's left of this year. cheers to us!
as for you, gikapoy nakog dula.. kanus-a paman ka makabati nga.. ahhhh, wala. i'll just leave it as it is then. di man gud pod ko kabalo unsaon pagsturya nimo. mapalaw pa lang ko. swerte kaayo ka. hahay.
trabaho nako.

thought cloud

don't you notice how im beginning to retrace my steps?
sad, isn't it?
that you're gone and i'm walking back.

a-okay

okay, updates? well i had a weird dream again. the kind that you shouldn't feel good about but hits you in all the right places, ya know? oh well, it was just a stupid scenario my unconscious self conured anyway but still... hahay.

as for my decision to work elsewhere.. erm.. it's been good. the first few weeks was torture though. but everthings been going smoothly since i found a new place (aircon=heaven). hehehehe.. and ill be getting my first pay this friday! yey..

life's okay. work's okay.

i smile and laugh often especially since my new friends call me tanga (or anything synonymous to that) due to my clumsiness/forgetfullness/carelessness and what have you.

everything's OKAY, really.

but im not happy.

ugly.

virgohoro 5/5/06

The Bottom Line
You're extremely capable of seeing what needs to be done and making progress today!

In Detail
Your emotional vision is a perfect 20-20 today -- you will finally see things in a clear, honest way. With little mystery left, the choice will be clear for you. Saying goodbye is surprisingly easy today when you know that this fork in the road holds two very rewarding (yet opposite) plans for each of you. You now see that staying on the same path is a mistake for one of you. You're entering a strong selfless phase that will keep your heart warm even when you're missing people you love.
====
is this really is it? wehehehehehehe.. i don't have much to say so there. :D

Why God made Mums - BRILLIANT

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions !!!

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mum just the same like he made me. He Just used
bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything
nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly
use string, I think.

Why did God give you Your mother & not some other mum?
1.We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mums like
me.

What kind of little girl was your mum?
1. My mum has always been my mum and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be
pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mum need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get
drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and
YES to chores?

Why did your mum marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mum eats a
lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mum didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mum doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a
goof ball.
2. Mum. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under
the bed.
3. I guess Mum is, but only because she has a lot more
to do than dad.

What's the difference between mums & dads?
1. Mums work at work and work at home & dads just go to work at
work.
2. Mums know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but mums have all the real power
'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your
friend's.

4. Mums have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mum do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mum perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind
of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mum, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get
rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mum smarter. Then she would know it was my sister
who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the
back of her head.
========
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwww... mishu ma!

letter read

Time passes by while I wait for your call
Time passes by; I hear nothing at all

And I'm afraid, and I can't breathe,
And I'm in love with you
But you are not with me
And I have put so much into a life
I made too much about you now to lie

-Rachael Yamagata

===

SHIT! this again! GO AWAY ill fate! bug someone else!

"It's better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you're stupid than to open it and remove all doubt." - Rami Belson

that quote makes better sense. i'm on to something with a better tune than hopeful hopes. this is as far as it gets. resolve, WORK this time 'round, if you please!

it's irksome how i always end up ranting hazy mind speak! i'm not in my best condition, and add to that, jack johnson songs are playing (one of virginal's recommends)! this is great! *grim face* thanks for rubbing it in vaginal! i can hear the bomb steadily tickin' smack in the middle of my shrivelled brain, it's frustrating! my head's gonna blow sooner or later!

if only the jedi council would fill back the hollow caused by the force being cut off from me.. all i can hear now are disturbing echoes (and yes, the ticking). TOINK! it's as if i can't feel the universe. DOUBLE TOINK! to any jedi master who happens to read this knight's desperate plea for help, please give me back my connection and viridian double-bladed lightsaber (darth maul style, ofcourse!) so that i can fully operate as a force-user again. i miss dismembering sith agents! :(

pweh! this isn't getting me anywhere!somebody strike me down with a back-to-your senses hammer! hit me hard enough to get my rationality workin' but not too much to cause brain trauma, ayt?

hahay, me and my wild imaginings..

oh crap! look at the time, chewy and the rest must be waiting for me. i was sent to fetch the latest navicomputer, you see but i just had to make a quick stop in some backwater planet's internet cafe (yes, we still call it that :P). but then again, this has bought me some time to breathe cleaner air compared to that of the ship's gamorreanesque stink. and to think we've gone as far as hyperspace travel yet the rest of the crew can't seem to figure out an air freshener's press-to-spray mechanism. i'll go pick lysol-EX right before we pull the anchor. this is Nacel Zhili, signing out.

take a bow

Make them laugh, it comes so easy
When you get to the part
Where you're breaking my heart
Hide behind your smile
All the world loves a clown
Wish you well, I cannot stay
You deserve an award
For the role that you played
No more masquerade
You're one lonely star

-madonna
=====

thanks ods for singing this song. i had a great time at the karaoke with no one unfortunate enough to listen to my singing(?). was it? it sounded more like screaming with a tinge of country/punk/rock to it. hehehe.. you let out caged thoughts into the light, squirming.

this is just nuthr one of those nights. it will pass. spare me. :D

a scratch is enough

konbanwa! look who's back.. i am! not that i'm expecting fireworks to greet my return (it wudv been nice tho) but don'tcha miss me? yes, i'm talking to you! since you're the only one who ever bothers to peruse through this page. so i'm back. what now? uhm you see, i've been kinda busy trying to make something out of the weekend. whether it interests you or not, i'll still tell no matter how pointless. let's begin. i went to the mall and watched three movies in one day.
- ice age 2 was crazy! my favourite part was when sid was crowned as the mini sloths' fire king and they did this impressive tribal number, only to be made a sacrificial offering. it was also good to see more of manfred's soft side even though he maintained being the unapologetic mammoth that he was. it was a fun movie all in all and if you took it in, you'll learn something very important: mammoths can confuse themselves for something else (possums for that matter). i'm not sure if humans have the same luxury. hahaha...

- next up was ultraviolet. i found it having relied on special effects too much, if only to compensate for milla jovovich's detached portrayal of violet. the only moment worth mentioning was the dialogue between v and garth, which went like this, g: "why won't you let anyone in?" v: "as beautiful as those moments are, they're evil when they're gone." i agree with her on that, indeed it is an evil thing - traitorous. but now that i'm past that, let me give my final verdict on the film. the movie's overall presentation was "stylish" and it can't get any deeper than that.
- finally, i trodded on to the third cinema showing the date movie, which turned out to be a lousy teen-movie spoof of previous romantic-comedies. if it weren't for alyson hannigan, i wouldn't have bothered. sheeesh... i miss willow! she's better off playing the ruthless lesbo witch in buffy the vampire slayer coz i just can't see her not throwing black balls of mystic energy. plus, she had the best looking evil eyes ever. BLACK!
after binging on movies, i bought a new murakami novel, south of the border, west of the sun. i have a new book to while away my time with! yahoo!
other than those i mentioned, i also went out with cousins back from manila and cebu. B's back with her stories and her beach-outing plans. and Lai, will find a place for us back in boni! YEY! i pray everything will work out! please Lord! :)
"You may feel inspired by some surprising revelations today. Keep travel in mind." i'll put that in mind dear horo. but what's inspiration without a huge dose of active integration, ryt? that wasn't supposed to rhyme.. errr.. i can't wait till after holy week. it will be better. i just know it. here's my stop. sayonara!

wapak!

i feel sorry for superheroes, especially when they hafta put others first before themselves. why do they have to be burdened with that responsibility? its not like they chose to be born that way! can't people at least be thankful that they use their powers for good and not think of it as a mass privilege. others say that's what they have to deal with because that's what they're supposed to do - their purpose. but when will they ever have the time to do what they want and not do what others want them to? yes, superheroes save the day (everyday) but hey.. give em some slack. i don't know about you, but they deserve a day off since i'm sure, that in the back of their minds, they're itching to have some r&r. vacation, anyone? what's a day or two to take matters in our own hands AND not dial the superheroes-do-it-for-ya hotline, ryt?

i know it's a bit off topic but i was watching naruto (ninjas this time. hehe..) and i remembered an early episode when sasuke was unconscious (he looked like a human pin cushion after battling with haku) and sakura was trying mighty hard to hold back her tears (but ofcourse being the sissy that she is, she cried eventually). why'd she push herself not to cry you ask? you see, it's in their handbook - rule number 25 states that the mission comes first, being attached/giving in to emotions is a no no. this is a fairly important guideline for em maybe because it enables them to think rationally/unclouded. right, right! it's the most logical option but hey, one can't have the mind rule all of the time. honestly, no human can live up to that credo... i know i can't! why is it that some people allow themselves to be dictated by the "mission?"

i'm not getting anywhere, am i? those are the only analogies i could ever think of. garsh, i suck. hehehe... the fact of the matter is, i'm no superhero/ninja and yet i sure feel like i have a lot on my already aching shoulders. i may not be as passionate as superheroes or as zealous as ninjas, but hey, i do have superheroic/ninjaesque tendencies. God, help! i can't be this semi-mindless robot forever. i need a break, a KITKAT (i'll have them make a mega-sized variant that'll take a full year to gobble up)! if not then i'll have my kunai at the ready and it just might go flying your way, or would you rather have kinetically charged cards at you? choose your pick. pfffft... i would give anything just to fly right now. wait, im not that desperate yet. anything. something, maybe.

before all of this dawned on me i was uploading a few songs for my bolt account. you might find something attuned to your tastes (but i'm not counting on it) so check it out if you must.

o-yasumi nasai! ohayou! whatever.

Back then

"Oo"

Di mo lang alam, naiisip kita
Baka sakali lang maisip mo ako
Di mo lang alam, hanggang sa gabi
Inaasam makita kang muli
Nagtapos ang lahat sa di inaasahang
Panahon at ngayon ako'y iyong iniwang
Luhaang sugatan't di-mapakinabangan
Sana nagtanong ka lang kung di mo lang alam
Sana'y nagtanong ka lang kung di mo lang alam
Ako'y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo namang
Hindi mo lang alam kay tagal nang panahon
Ako'y nandirito parin hanggang ngayon, para sayo
Lumipas mga araw na ubod ng saya
Di parin nagbabago ang aking pagsinta
Kung ako'y nagkasala, patawad na sana
Ang puso kong pagal ngayon lang nagmahal
Di mo lang alam ako'y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo namang
Puro siya nalang sana'y ako naman
Di mo lang alam ika'y minamasdan
Sana'y iyong mamalayang hindi mo lang pala alam
Di mo lang alam, kahit tayo'y magkaibigan lang
Bumabalik lahat sa tuwing nag kukulitan
Baka sakali lang, maisip mo namang
Ako'y nandito lang, hindi mo lang alam
Matalino ka naman
Kung ikaw, at ako ay tunay na bigo
Sa laro na ito, ay dapat bang sumuko
Sana'y di ka nalang pala aking nakilala
Kung alam ko lang ako'y yong masasaktan ng ganito
Sana'y nakinig nalang ako sa nanay ko
Di mo lang alam ako'y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo namang
Puro siya nalang o, sana'y ako naman
Di mo lang alam ika'y minamasdan
Sana'y iyong mamalayang hindi mo lang pala alam...
Malas mo.. Ikaw ang natipuhan ko
Di mo lang alam ako'y iyong nasaktan

=====

Lucky you, I never squealed. Don't fret. My sentiments are of the past tense. Even without your knowing, thank you for making it easier for me.

And on a lighter note, Final Fantasy 12 was just released in Japan! aaaaaaaah... I can't wait for the American release. 'Em pirates better be quick.

I no longer feel like a moth to sad songs. Congratulate me. :D

warning

i had another one of my quirky dream episodes last night. then, somebody was dancing ecstatically (with arms flailing about) on a dismal stage while taunting me to dance. i dont want to point out the strange details but it was darn funny in an immensely unexpected way. can it get any weirder? i must be close to breaking my sane-insane limit huh? sound the alarm!

i dont think so...

Elvin, your true color is Blue!


You're blue — the most soothing shade of the spectrum. The color of a clear summer sky or a deep, reflective ocean, blue has traditionally symbolized trust, solitude, and loyalty. Most likely a thoughtful person who values spending some time on your own, you'd rather connect deeply with a few people than have a bunch of slight acquaintances. Luckily, making close friends isn't that hard, since people are naturally attracted to you — they're soothed by your calming presence. Cool and collected, you rarely overreact. Instead, you think things through before coming to a decision. That level-headed, thoughtful approach to life is patently blue — and patently you!
What's Your True Color?
=====

say what? this can't be me, can it?

Luckily, making close friends isn't that hard, since people are naturally attracted to you — they're soothed by your calming presence. - what the fart!? dont make me laugh.

other than that, there's a tad bit of truth with the result (all good points ofcourse. hehe) but i would've wanted it to be black coz it plays well with my "gothic" ensemble. tough! nyaha! just messin' with ya. :P

a song for the sigurist

Crazy as it all plays out
I think I'm lonelier than I've ever been before
'Cause I was so close
To going through that door
But I don't want to be to blame for them
I don't want to be to blame

Oh, would you please get out from under my skin?
'Cause I can't begin this yet
And I don't know what my intentions are
They're speaking in a different tongue
And, deep inside, I'm not as tough as I seem
But I won't let you know
Until it's right, I'm gonna stay my distance, and you should go
Oh, would you please get out
I'm not as strong as I seem, but I won't let you know
====

Under My Skin by Rachael Yamagata

...and i couldn't have said it any better.

this time: i pray i'll have it easy. please?

because i dont want to bore you with my usual banter, because i dont want words to limit what my mind speaks, and simply because i'm just tired of talking, that's all there is to it. really.

tawa ta na? *chokes out a laugh* it's not working.

hahahahaY.

reunited

i got myself wasted AGAIN after months of self-restraint. it was hilarious. just the master and myself. it's amazing how we managed to find ourselves home inspite of the heavy intoxication. once there, i immediately fell on our couch, not forgetting to puke and murmur every once in a while. i slept downstairs and woke up with an instant greeting from my visiting aunt who sat opposite from where i dozed on.

aunt: "nganu diri man ka natulog langga?"
*still too tired to answer*
ate: "nabilar na sya sa thesis"
aunt: "kaluoy pod tawon"
ate: "ana man na siya pag naay project"
*ana gud tawon!*

good thing ate got me covered. i had dried-up patches of puke-stuff on my cheeks. my breath stank (still does, actually). leche! and my head hurts everytime i sit up. heads.. darnit!

r1: "nganu naghubog man ka? abi ko nagbuhat ka sa imong thesis"
me: "humana naman gud"
r1: "ayaw na ni usba elvin hah."
me: "lagi... sakit kaayo akong ulo"
r1: "da! kabalo man diay ka nga mao nang mahitabo nimo unya gibuhat jud"
me: "lagi... dili na lagi ko muusab. dili najud ko muinom."
*yeah ryt! hehehehe...*

;-P

plans

The best gift anyone can give me this new year is a planner. I like planners because I am a planner. I like thinking ahead. I like being prepared. I get a high from being on top of things. But some things are beyond planning. And life doesn't always turn out as planned.

You don't plan for a broken heart.
You don't plan for a failed business venture.
You don't plan for an adulterous husband.
Or a wife who wants you out of her life.
You don't plan for an autistic child.
You don't plan for spinsterhood.
You don't plan for a lump in your breast.

You plan to be young forever.
You plan to climb the corporate ladder.
You plan to be rich and powerful.
You plan to be acclaimed and successful.
You plan to conquer the universe.
You plan to fall in love - and be loved forever.

You don't plan to be sad.
You don't plan to be hurt.
You don't plan to be broke.
You don't plan to be betrayed.
You don't plan to be alone in this world.

You plan to be happy.
You don't plan to be shattered.

Sometimes if you work hard enough, you can get what you want. But most times, what you want and what you get are two different things.

We, mortals, plan. But so does God in the heavens. Sometimes, it is difficult to understand God's plans - especially when His plans are not in consonance with ours. Often, when God sends us crisis, we turn to Him in anger. True, we cannot choose the cross that God wishes us to carry, but we can carry that cross with courage knowing that God will never abandon us nor send something we cannot cope with.

Sometimes, God breaks our spirit to save our soul.
Sometimes, He breaks our heart to make us whole.
Sometimes, God sends us pain so we can be stronger.
Sometimes, God sends us failure so we can be humble.
Sometimes, God sends us illness so we can take better care of ourselves.
Sometimes, God takes everything away from us so we can learn the value of everything He gave us.

Make plans but understand that we live by God's grace.
====
im not much of a planner, really. but somehow, this here hits home.

i will graduate. arrrr.. and when that time comes, watch out world. nyah!

i pray.

yada yada

"i'm too forgiving for my own good. darnit! she's right you know... i mustn't let anyone come to me when they need a good kick. im supposed to be the vampireboy. THE vampireboy. i'm the one who bites and not the other way around. i really should relive my title before i completely fail my rights to passage. ack! by dusk tomorrow i'll refurbish my mausoleum and dig out my old ensemble. i'm tired of playing the happy hour boy. halloween's over.

BUT i think i've said this before. darnit. i've been on replay ever since i learned to be UNapathetic. when will i ever learn? when will i ever learn? when will i ever learn? i'm a broken record.

'sometimes people put up walls to see who cares enough to knock them down.' but that isn't the case right now and it shouldn't have been back then, or so i would like to believe. the sound your hammers and power drills make as it bangs against my brick wall is way too deafening. my ears bleed.

please, make this easier for me. disappear if you must. hush. stop. i hope you get it right this time. you who? well your guess is as good as mine.

friends, thanks for your time. really."

elvin's bitching about imaginary assailants again. he's back! oh crap! take him to the crazy house already.

crummier. virgohoro 02-26-06

i anticipated this. it has come.

when temporary highs are no longer enough to keep me aloft.

i need something that spells ever after.

the kind that wont take to the air by dawn.

one that will keep me flying for the hours after and the hours in between.

what else is there?
==

The Bottom Line

When in doubt, go for romance today. Invest some energy on your heart and soul.

In Detail

Being brazen has its advantages. First of all, it's extremely appealing to prospective suitors and an absolute magnet for friends. It's fire, and whether it's in a fireplace or in a person's attitude doesn't matter. That famously hypnotic quality is still there. Someone who wants to woo you, for a variety of reasons, will show you more than a little bit of fire right now, and you'll find it quite appealing. Play the game, though. Don't let on just yet.
==
why do i even bother?

no brain, no pain.

or should i just bury this with the rest of the trash i horde? how long can i keep at it? up until the bent spoon breaks through my skin?

God, i'm running out of stars to pin my wishes. but thank you for letting them out to play with my dragon's breath

seeds

"Thoughts lead on to purposes

Purposes go forth in action

Actions form habits

Habits decide character

And character fixes our destiny."

~The quote i chose for my HS yearbook 4 years ago. I pray that i get to do the same this March.

what kind of soul are you?

You Are a Dreaming Soul
Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world. So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time. You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all... But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult.

You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you. Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses. Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others. Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life.
http://blogthings.com/whatkindofsoulareyouquiz/

~tough.

"God will never leave you EMPTY,
He will replace everything you've LOST.
If He asks you to put something DOWN,
it's because He wants you to PICK-UP something GREATER."

~yeba!

flow

I'm always swimming against the flow of the tide.

Kissing the life into something thats already died.

I've been drowning forever.

I'll let go.

I'll dive into the river and flow.

a test of faith

i've been cramming and stressing for a week, and nothing paid off. the only thing i had going for me were prayers. just when i thought it was all hopeless, something incredible just happened. YES!

i'm off the danger zone but there's still a lot of work to be done. a little more and i'll be home free. :D

God never turns to give us a deaf ear. Have faith and He'll work his miracles! I know, because i just got one. Lord, thank you!

------

The Bottom Line

You can't help someone who doesn't want it. You must wait until they're ready.

In Detail

You've been extremely busy lately -- and busy, by your standards, is hectic, frenetic and unbearably stressful to most of the rest of us. However, you've just realized that it's just about the weekend and you're coming into some free time. Get busy, then -- in a different way -- and use this time to your advantage. Call every playmate you know you should have called weeks ago, make plans and resolve that there will be absolutely no work. None whatsoever.
===
funny horoscope.. IF ONLY i could have it easy this weekend. darn it. ABSOLUTELY NO WORK my ARSE! pfffft...

why do people think that?

i went out drinking last night - all by myself. with a book and cig in hand, i attacked the local "tambayan" with a strong determination to accomplish my goal...

the mission: read sputnik sweetheart up until i'm too dizzy to even bother comprehending a single line.

with three bottles of beer down in less than 45 minutes i can't say that i got drunk, just a bit lightheaded. i planned on getting a fourth order but not even the cig helped me from my distaste of beer. hehe... so i simply went on reading and managed to cover a good 40-50 pages of the murakami novel. every now and then people came up to me and invited me to their table AND like always, i declined. i've gotten used to that scenario, that's why i never go on solo adventures without my "i'm fine being solitary" line at the ready "it's alright. i'll be leaving in a few minutes anyway. thanks" can't they see that being alone doesn't necessarily equate with loneliness? i'm perfectly fine being the only person on a bench, or a table for that matter. i appreciate the "concern" but it's all good, REALLY! maybe next time i should wear a (do not disturb) sign huh?

it was an uneventful night. mission failed, i guess... not to mention i almost hit a motorcycle. ehe.

she said

i hate you for always being there. for picking me up for our yo-sessions almost every night. i hate you for making me nice testimonials and for making my friendster profile pretty. i hate you for picking me up at 12 midnight to see mars and for sitting right next to me in the park. i hate you for being so understanding of my eccentricities. and for not misjudging the way i act and the things i say. i hate your for laughing with me, shouting with me and consoling me whenever i'm worried or sad. i hate you for being so good at dancing and for being so game in everything. i hate you so, so, so much for being a friends and i sometimes hate myself for loving the things you do and the things you say. as our old line goes, "i hate loving you!" i hate you for being my fan at dzyr's... ahem... i hate you for not coming home to say goodbye. i so, so, so hate you nax. i hate you and karla for making me cry. i hate you for making me hate leaving... but then again, i have to. i hate you for not giving my cd's back. i hope you make that a reason to visit me in cebu. oh yeah, i hate you for making me drink beer. i hate beer! i hate you and i don't ever want to thank you for everything. you've made me so sad for not spending my last day in ili with me. i hate you and i hope you won't take care of yourself even if i wanted you to coz i care. i hate you slutboy! pervert! i hate you coz i'm pretty sure that i won't ever find another one like you in cbu. you won't find another on like me either! serves you right! i hate you slutboy!! i abhor you! i hope you'll show your ass in cebu one of these days so i could pinch it real hard. you deserve that punishment! i hate you, i hate you, i hate you!

=======

sheeeesh, she sure does hate me. oh well, i guess i hate her too. hehehe...

pug

"What can i do

to find myself

a new chew toy?

Whisper it to me,

please.

I'll do whatever it takes

to fill the empty box

you pulled it out of."

With head hung low,

and a sad face on,

Freud whimpered.

He always looks the same so nobody really knows what he wants.

I feel for you doggy.

I really do.

Hahay...

Soon.

no-frills

Friday - rhede and cousins

* First time in days that I went on a night out. To start off, Pulah treated me to dinner at Zoey's. It was very startling - I can't even remember the last time she offered to do that! But who would ever pass up a free meal right? I don't know bout you but I sure won't. Hehehehe... but really it came with good reason - it was her birthday on the 23rd and Friday’s the only feasible date to celebrate it with me. So i ordered garden salad while she went with seafood noodles and blueberry cheesecake, with my recommendation of course. even though we were quite full, she ordered fish and fries after our initial feast just for the heck of it... and maybe with a "bit" of prodding on my part. *evil grin* a live acoustic band was playing so we lounged a bit and cracked silly jokes until we found ourselves wanting to move out due to the constant flow of mushy songs. We landed on the hill where we caught up on our life stories and took pictures to show to our "other" friend. It would've gone longer but she had her curfew and i had an intense need to use a portalet or whatever. Hahay... I dropped her home and I sped to my aunt's place to use their CR.
* Later that night, I watched a band competition with my cousins till 12mn. My three other cousins, Tot, King, and Kating were playing with their respective bands. They rocked the place with powerful and upbeat tunes. Cheers to my talented cousins! Next to them, my inability to excel in music is greatly magnified. Leche! :D The night was culminated in a bar with lots of people ready for some action. hehehe... but we're all good boys and girls so nothing horrifyingly obscene happened in our circle. We didn't even order any alcoholic drinks! Yahoo!
* Went home and slept at 5am.

Saturday - 3 bottles of tandu Jr.

* I didn’t get much sleep because my ate woke me up around 10am, which only meant 5 hours of sleep. We usually go to Cagayan de Oro during weekends - this was one of those days. When we got to Ketkai, I rushed to check up on the new RPG games available - I ended up buying Wild ARMs 4. geeeeez... out of all the RPGs I ever bought, the only ones I've finished are those of the final fantasy series. There are loads of other games I have yet to finish and this latest addition is bound to be another one of those. Hehe... also, I had Lu's gift refilled. Yey! But I think the saleslady broke it. Boo! With nothing much to do, I watched Zathura, one of those movies worth getting slept at - and I did, for a good 15 minutes.
* Tried out this new restaurant called KIS (Kambingan, Isdaan, Sisigan).
* Later, I went out with a cousin dying to go clubbing after a week-long voluntary probation (very much like my self-imposed curfew of 9pm). My cousin Lowe’s (who just went back to Cebu) boo whose birthday was on the following day, also came along. We gave her a pre-birthday bash at this club where we danced (just to let the sweat out) and drank (2 bottles of Tandu Jr. Ehe). People were getting freaky on top of their tables and the crowd got worked up with the not-so-female ledge dancers putting on a show, if you know what I mean. Ehe... but what's really weird was that approximately half of the population was composed of HS students. Sheesh, kids these days. Tsk, tsk, tsk...
* Right after, we moved to this station where we continued our drinking session (one more Tandu) and spent what's left of the early morn talking. Hahay... I don’t want to go on with the specifics but it was consumed by mushy talk. *cringes* last Tandu down and everything just flowed out for the both of them while I remained the spectator. From their conversation - it’s clear that the L word IS suicide. *LOL* but the lesson of the story - we will always have our true friends (cousins included) to crawl back to when nothings going right. And in two hours time, we were all feeling warm and fuzzy inside. Awwwwwww... please, can somebody strangle me? Anyone?
* Got home and slept at about 4:30am.

Sunday - hunting hidden books

* We went to church around 11am. I hadn't been to church in weeks; I still need to pay Him back with my spiritual shortcomings... BIG TIME.
* We then moved on to lunch. Instead of heading straight to fast food chains, the "elders" chose not to and suggested we check out what's cooking in the food court. Food there was cheap compared to other mall-restos so we had many options. I had a filling lunch of Pinoy cuisine - Bicol express, kare kare, dinugu-an/sampayna, etc. Lami...
* Like the day before, I ended up watching a movie - with Narnia and Zathura already in my seen list, and the third movie having this forgettable quality to it (its title I couldn't even remember. see? it is forgettable!), In Her Shoes was the only option. the movie had a light-hearted feel to it. the only thing I found remotely interesting was the first poem Cameron's character (dyslexic btw) read to the retired professor. I think it was One Art by Elizabeth Bishop - nice.
* After the film, I finally bought the books I’ve been eyeing since October! I was ecstatic to find them still; in the exact shelves I hid them. *evil laugh*
1. Sputnik Sweetheart by Haruki Murakami
2. Gathering Blue by Lois Lowry
3. The Sandman - Book of Dreams by Neil Gaiman
4. Lirael by Garth Nix
I was like a child working his way through a toy store. I would've wanted to buy the Wind-Up Bird Chronicle (Haruki Murakami) and Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden) but I was out of budget. Darn it! And because I feared natio will run out of those copies the next time I get back, I tucked them in inconspicuous nooks of different shelves. I hope nobody will come across my super secret hiding place *crosses fingers* hehehehehehe...
* We went back HOME. I was too tired to go out. Waited for drowsiness to seep in. slept at 1am. hehehe... good boy. :D

Monday - the present

* Here I am in front of a computer, blogging and hoping that today wont be exactly the same as every other day. It’s a good thing that I have new friends whose stories I am very much eager to hear. They should keep me from worrying about Mundania for a week or so. And now that my fingers are too tired to go on typing, I'm off to page 152… Please Sumire, amuse me.

what's a good title for this one?

i was damn pissed last night! the house was full of people hanging around to watch the pacquiao fight (delayed telecast) and even extended their stay till evening to witness the new grand champion of star in a million! plus my cousins were making so much ruckus with the videogames! i needed space, and lots of it! arrrrrrrr... God knows how much i detest noise and guests who stay longer than expected! but most importantly, i lost my unopened pack of cigarettes and somebody jammed a pellet of mentos powergum in my lighter! imagine that! whoevere's behind it must be really wicked to play a mean trick like that. shame on you whoever you are!

steaming with anger, i hastily went out without even having dinner. and to think the main course was afritada! *lami* but i was too irked to eat just then. i drove around a bit and texted my friends (using my father's phone. hehe) if they wanted to hang out. none of them replied! my temper reached new heights until finally i got an unexpected text from maya (unexpected because she rarely asks to hang-out with me) - she wanted to chill with a few of her friends, after eating that is. i had no other option so i zoned in on manuelito's bbq house where they were eating. when i got there, i realized that i only had forty pesos on me... not much to warrant a hearty meal of isaw/chicken bbq/longganisa/rice and a pack of cigarettes. well, i chose to buy myself the cig (stupid no? hehehe) to make up for the pack i lost. still, P40 wasnt enough but i assured myself that i could borrow money from them later. so i sat there, watching and waiting until they were full. moving on, we headed straight to starmart. they ordered the usual, tanduay and sprite. demn! i wanted to drink but chose not to in the end coz the stolen pack continued to haunt me. unable to hold it any longer, i asked if they could lend me P32 (desperate times bring desperate measures) but they were all empty, that they spent it on the alcohol already.. how embarassing! frustrated, i dug around my messenger bag and discovered plenty of one peso coins, which i managed to store the past week. the coins amounted to P37, add to that the P40 in my wallet and i ultimately ended up having P77 - just enough to buy ANOTHER pack with P5 to spare. GLORY! so i headed straight for the counter and got what i planned on getting and left them in their tandu session for some alone-time.

if there's one place that could clear up my clouded mind, it would've to be THE hill. i just wanted to sit there and enjoy the view ALONE. but when i got there, several people were around so i just had to compromise. i decided on a distant bench where i sat by myself, while the other benches were occupied by a group of three friends, a 30 sumthing couple, and a family of 5! how sad can this picture get!? i was the odd person out, puffing one stick after another.. they must've thought i was weird - a loner! well they're actually right. *ehe* and to make it worse, the couple had a cassette with them and my classmates' sembreak song was playing! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrr.. torment!

after several sticks, i finally found my happy place... THE hill has always been the antidote for my melancholic episodes, ALWAYS. there's nothing magical about it really... it overlooks the city, there's an old mango tree with glowing fruit thingies (some are burnt out btw), mini-lamp posts, concrete and steel benches, a murky fountain, blahblahblah... but it has been the focal point for many of my fondest memories.. must be why i find peace there... because it connects me to those meaningful days of past. toink!

after an ample dose of clarity, i went back home early - 9pm! in metro standards, that's way too early. hahay... but i felt better so i found no other reason to stay longer... back home, i finally acknowledged my stomach's protest so i ordered two donuts and two bunwiches (tuna AND ham and cheese). what joy! i was feeling much much better with my hunger sated when surprise of all surprises, mega called to check up on me! awwwww... that (and some other things i forgot) just made my day. then i slept happy.

all that fuss over a pack of cigarettes. sheesh! who's the petty one now? me. urk.

this is old

What makes a man so weak that he leads himself into his own undoing? Where can one find the power to keep everything on his calloussed palm? Whose hand plays the most critical role in spinning our life-thread?

Excuse the silly queries of one who's being swallowed by the ebb of maturity. Allow me to play along with life's drama and have me pretend that all is in its proper place.

I do not wish to disturb you with these words full of odious density but if thats the case then let me leave you with this... dont u ever dream of going back in time when everything was simple and anything that comes with "complex" wasn't even in your faintest interests? Back to being children - all fun and games. *hohum*

Mapping out one's life isn't the easiest thing to work out and getting to where you're supposed to be going is just as frustrating, more even. I guess reaching that state of happiness, true and genuine happiness, one that transcends and overshadows the problems that constantly pervade my lifespace, is the most pressing issue I have right now.

These fragmented thoughts will become whole sooner or later, held together with the strongest super glue I can find, that I'm sure of. Be it a person, a cause, an experience, or what have you...

It will come when it will come, that's what I keep telling myself. Hahay...

mumblings on a gray thursday

somehow, you managed to disarm me.

but i won't let you take that open blow.

now nobody wins,

until you give me a good reason to take a plunge.

and when that time comes...

even if ill make the sloppiest dive,

i'd still think i won the gold.

not that i'll ever qualify.

too funny

The Bottom Line

Romance is on your mind today -- someone is thinking about you and you can feel it.

In Detail

You want to travel so badly that if you could, you'd be in a cab on your way to the airport right now, passport in hand. If duty calls, however -- especially if it calls loudly enough to keep you off that plane (or out of that car) -- your sense of responsibility will kick in. In that case, the least you can do is to treat yourself to the company of someone new and exotic.
=======

bwahahahahaha... i hope u get to read this babe coz it's hella funny! but i dont think this'll ever work on you coz you're fine with games, aren't you?

who's your chew toy now virgin?

hahahaha... when will that glorious day come when you'll throw away your schemes and dirty plots for that one person who'll sweep you off to mars?

karma, baby... just you wait. it'll be your turn, sooner or later.

*snickers*

this just in

i have a new addiction: biting through headphone chords, the rubbery keypads on remote controls, erasers, and various other gummy objects. just about anything to sink my teeth into. hahay... the things i "discover" when i'm idle.

come on 2006! it's been a slow start... throw me a hurricane that'll lift me to every black balloon that needs popping.

ill go look for a suitable pin now. nyeh?

virgohoro 010806

The Bottom Line

Express your ideas without hoping the other person approves. You know you're right.

In Detail

The urge to say exactly what's on your mind has hit, thanks to a new friend who's nothing if not strongly opinionated. The more you associate with them, the more you can expect some rather odd and coincidental occurrences over the course of the day. Feeling as you do, it's also a given that what you'll be saying will be a bit over the top -- especially to those who aren't used to seeing you in this condition. Don't even try to hold anything back, though. It's your turn to vent. Big time. They'll get over it.
======

uy, this is a better horoscope compared to the previous ones. no word of partners. blech! watch out. hihihihihi *evil grin*

stalkerish

The Bottom Line

Good nutrition improves your brain power. Investigate ways to improve your health.

In Detail

If anyone is famous for loving secrets -- well, yes, it's definitely you. That goes for most, if not all circumstances. At the moment, conducting an intensive investigation at work will be even more appealing to you, and the nature of the issue won't matter at all. The point is that your curiosity will be running on high and your detective side will emerge -- big time. Just be sure that no one who may be responsible gets wind of what you've uncovered.
======

investigate ways to improve health daw! the truth has come out, your cover is blown you stalker! nyahahahaha... this sums up your 2005 horoscope, more or less. funny.

erm... grandmaster stalker, i have a favor to ask of you... *evil grin* ;P

thanks pussy princess

ill make u bleed the best way i know how, bitch. trickle, trickle, spill, and curdle, just you wait.

what if...

it was just you and me, with our hushed tones. and yes, the probing wind who hastily freed our secrets to sleeping trees and crickets busy playing music. despite the charcoal sky's constant stirring, we lingered, only to lend our ears and our hearts. even with the citrus-smoke and the riotous rustling of shrews, everything fell under unanimity for us.

peering over resplendent lights with you on that hill, that's how it was, how it should be. thank you for making me wish that time would stop on fancied moments...

listen, how strange the sound.

a taste

glazed with melancholy
seasoned with euphoria
fruit of olympus
i crave for you

my hands are trembling
my mouth is eager
my thoughts are racing
my heart burns

dip me in ecstasy
flavor me with your bitter-sweetness
color my soul
make me sore

free from doubt
bound to anticipation
even if it conquers me
i am ready

take me high
and throw me back down
falling wont count for much
i will float, we'll see

gods, i implore you
fulfill my desire
harrass me with your might
i will persist until the cold takes me

for now, i can only imagine
with parted lips i shall greet you
you who they call ambrosia

curl your fingers round my naked tongue
embrace me with heaven's flavor

all i ask is just a taste

~come into my life so i can see

hello hello 2006!!!! this is a better year opener for me since last year's was a bit gloomy, it RAINED! imagine that.

i dont think i was able to meet my 2005 resolutions... but those were pretty deep conditions man. hahahahahaha.. this time i'll try harder!

my new year's resolution: ill be a BETTER good boy this year. nyahahahaha, talk about being specific. wehehehe... it's best to keep it at that to avoid getting jinxed. :P

as for em bitches... good riddance! >:P

basta, ill follow this up with my personal review of 2005 soon.

its 1:22am and i'm off to city hall with my cousins... dragon mode. orange peel lami! sayonara!
Akemashite Omedetou Gozaimasu!

splock

gecko, gecko on the wall, who's the splockest of them all?

wahahahahahaha... we just had our family reunion last night and as usual, your good host was wasted. naks! no surprise eh? :D but that wouldnt have happened because at first, the oldies didnt want the younglings to drink. in the end, our puppy dog faces finally got the best of em so they offered us a variety of drinks, whisky, wine, beer, blahblahblah... but i just had to butt in and say "tanduay lang!" that's when the fun fun fun started. by 1am almost everybody in the beach house was drunk! aunts, uncles, and cousins minus the wee ones ofcourse. this time around, we had youngblood enter the inner circle of the cousinhood, igi. naks... i wasnt even able to act up when he got drunk since all eyes were set on his histrionics. leche! pabadlong! my appetite for dancing (which surfaces when i'm tipsy) was sated with my partner in crime, shansui. dirty dancing AS USUAL. nyehehehe... twas a great reunion with videosinko, foodies, liquor (cant party without it), gifts, blahblahblah! i even got p100 for singing! yahoo! at least that compensated the sad fact that i didnt get a gift... i'm too old for presents daw... NO, i didnt get the horse i asked them to give me... impractical daw! aah leche!! i'll buy myself a gift with that P100! bleh!

~how much is that horsie in the window?

oh i miss my cousins and the beach house already. huhuhu...

oh well, one more booze session with HS classmates this 28... fock! mercy on my frail, frail digestive system! this better be an exciting reunion. leche.

HAPPY XMAAAAAAAAAS!!! oi gift ko! yahoooooooooooo...

oh well...

and this is my make-shift pleading look (i dont have a suitable picture.. demn!). convincing? *evil grin* won't u give me a gift for christmas? i'll be willing to accept anything you hafta give me till december 23 next year! but that doesnt include my birthday.. that'll be another present. weeew! :P merry xmas!!!!! wahoooo!!

hohumming

The Bottom Line

Charm can move mountains -- try it today and see. Be flattering, flirty and funny.
In Detail

You can certainly use your charm to get what you want, but what about what the other person wants? If you have to work some kind of magic to get them where you want them, perhaps you ought to also take into account where they truly want to be. Putting your self-interest aside will allow you to get a clearer idea of the bigger picture, and it'll help you to do the right thing -- which feels best in the end.
--------

i got your horoscope for you and this one's a no-brainer. it's almost christmas so work your magic baby, and if i'm that spellbound, i'll grab a ribbon and ship myself straight to your doorstep. that is, if you want me to. evul. :P

unplanned excercise

The Bottom Line

Remember, you can always rely on friends for support. They're ready and waiting.

In Detail

The connections you have with others are of particular importance at the moment -- the energy you get from the people in your life is both supportive and restorative. Keeping those connections alive and prosperous is something you can put your famous organizational ability toward with incredible results now. Reach out and touch people by sending cards, making calls and generally brightening days in a methodical way.
====

i went out with my psychofriends earlier, and i'm ashamed to say this but... i got tipsy with just one pocket size sr. tanduay! leche! shame on me! how tipsy you ask... let's just say that i lost my orientation when it came to restrooms! grrrrrrr... twas a good thing that mars was the only person who caught me in "there." embarassing moment #1000001

our session ended early and i moved on to my next set of pals, my superfriends! for starters, we found ourselves in a cafe and had our fill of caffeine and since we thought the night was dragging on a phlegmatic pace, we decided to check out the rave party in our city's most renowned club. indeed, the place was booming with techno beats... what joy for the vampireboy! but my friends werent as enthusiastic... hehehehe... in the end, we all got on the dancefloor, convinced that our p100 entrance wouldve been a waste if we simply lounged.

the most interesting thing that happened while there was the dirty dancing contest! nyati! these 25-something-looking-women were getting their groove on stage... flashing underwears (and the stretch marks that line their curves... wehehehe), teasing the crowd with their sensual/sexual dance moves, etc. it was an onstage show of inhibited masturbation. hehehehe... but it was fun nonetheless... well, the lady who won was actually the contestant i least expected to win because she wore a plain-looking ensemble... and yet, she proved me wrong with her freaky dancing, red lace bra, and black bikini. leche nga babae! astig! right after the awarding, we danced a bit and moved on to our next destination... KARAOKE! wahooo!

when we got to this karaoke joint, we only lingered a bit because the place was packed with oldies and paid-for-looking young men and women. ehehehe... no offense meant to my dear brothers and sisters, but i wouldnt want to be branded as one o' em. im just a vampireboy, no more, no less. nyati!

we drove up to city hall... there, we talked a bit bout grown-up stuff like, nmat, future plans, after-grad employment, reunions, and ofcourse what convo can ever miss the mushiest/cheesiest topic, LOVE! yak! i wanted to puke but i had no excuse because i wasnt that intoxicated. leche!

after that, we drove to our friend's house and ate embotido and empanada. i skipped dinner so i was darn hungry! leche... i gobbled most of it but they didnt seem to notice. hihihihi... just when i was about to go home the stupid car wouldnt start! the battery went dead! lecheeeeeeeeeee... i was forced to go home on foot @ 3am with no jeepneys in site! what if hoodlums hung about? or holduppers? or rabid dogs? or perverts? or barangay tanods who might think i was on high? the horror!!!! i would be able to fend them off if i had already mastered my dark powers but i'm still a fledgling creature of the night. that's why they call me vampireboy because im still young relative to my brethren. but i had no choice, i had to be a brave vampireboy so i jogged (almost 1 kilometer) back home. i jogged with an unsteady pace since there were times when i ran like crazy in the sign of impending danger. cockroaches for that matter! leche!!! why do they have to fly when i'm around! curse roaches! grrrr... thankfully, i got home safe and sound without one roach landing on me! phew! and here i am, writing down this entry that's generally filled with crap. you must be really bored getting this far huh? bleh! hehehehehe... it's 4:59am, i should sleep now. i have an activity to attend to at around 6am. sheeet. let's morning the night my arse! leche! sayonara!

PS: SHANA!!! sakit pa gihapon tong pinaakan nimo! lecheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

when

i can no longer find the shooting stars and pale hearts that only show their form to us. dragon's breath dont mean much when i'm not with you. why the distance? drink and find yourself here, with me. but when?

listen.

every idle minute i waste on you.

naunsa

my friends were talking about animals, particularly on the most dangerous snakes that ever existed. they went on yammering about their favourites like cobras, anacondas, pythons, etc.. until one claimed that nothing can beat the rattler. my ears suddenly perked up and i just had to butt in with a snicker. even rattlers can fall victim to other animals! king snakes in particular specialize on eating rattlesnakes! duh!!!!! but i just kept silent right after.. hahay.. ignoramus.

see? even predators can become prey. hahay.. ohmygoodiesfockyoumeandeveryone!

wasted

my cousin shansui celebrated her bday on 12/9/05 and boy, it sure is a date to remember. well, we went out with fellow cousins and several friends. as usual, the evening wouldnt be complete without liquor so we bought two bottles of cheap tequila and 2 litres of tanduay. bliss. to end the long story short, we ALL got drunk. it was a puke fest of sorts. we were all crazy that fateful night errr early morn.. shansui was on bite mode (OUCH!), ellen and louie almost did "it" (almost because shansui caught them before the miracle could happen), rubi made passes at ish (kinky/funny!), we had dennis and josh liplock for 5 seconds(haha!), and gicer was giggling like a hyena all through out (annoying, really). leche.. almost everyone was horny. WICKED! twas a good thing that i was able to focus my drive on the toilet alone. now, they call me the toilet-seat kisser, fock! but it would've been another story if i wasnt able to control myself.. i'm a good vampireboy, still. congratulate me. hehehe..

blahblah

The Bottom Line

A former foe is suddenly quite compatible with you ... don't question their motives.

In Detail

The resolution to a work issue may be much closer than you think. Some lightning-fast reasoning on your part, in addition to the longer-term analysis you've been conducting, could lead to a real breakthrough right now. The way you communicate about it is key, however; rather than introducing your big idea off the bat, engage the parties involved in open-ended conversation. Asking a question is better than making a statement.
-------
haha! funny! errrr...

you're starting to slow down. when this will end (and i know it will), don't make this anticlimactic for me, please.

9pm

to cut the long story short... the motorcycle i was driving skidded in a curb and now i have scratches and bruises everywhere! fock! it was going smoothly, i daresay, up until the drive home that is! trauma? nope nope nope.

big thanks to Him for not giving me and my passenger more than the minor injuries we attained.

i'll drive more carefully next time. leche!

make me feel better, please.. please..

smokey

i tried to stop the dragon spirit from taking me over.. its been five days (i think.. lost count) and i broke it off earlier. hohum, i cant help it.. it keeps on calling out to me. lecheng cig. i need to fly! fly! and ride on a magic dragon..

~Puff, the magic dragon, lived by the sea and frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah lee..

i love that song. i still sing it on videoke/karaoke/magicsing. hahay.. poor Puff.. why'd he hafta be so stuck on Johnny Paper anyway? all that brat ever did was ride on his back and make a slave out of poor Puff. he should've eaten Johnny before he managed to "leave."

lesson learned: beware of dragons, in general. good thing Johnny crossed upon the dupe-able Puff, coz if it were another dragon, he's toast! grrrrrrr.. i know Puff's dragon brothers will avenge him.. rip that Johnny Paper into shreds and make human curry out of him. leche.

fock. im ranting again. maybe its the dragon spirit, maybe im just pissed, maybe i wet my pants again, or maybe i got a thorn stuck on my toe! take it out little miceS scuttling about my room! leche mo! useless..

i should sleep.. maybe there i'll find a magic dragon or miceS that wont reserve their thorn-pulling skills on lions. Sayonara, O-yasumi nasai, yoi yume o!

alcohol aftershock

please tell me this isn't what i think it is.

shit. addict. shit.

this should never have happened.

this isnt right.

i wont talk. i wont make a sound, not even a squeak.

i musn't let them know that i'm weak.

linger on.

i will purge you soon.

leche.

when?

virgohoro - 11.30.05

The Bottom Line

You've tested the waters long enough -- it's time to delve deep and go for a swim.

In Detail

On the one hand, you're still willing to be patient. On the other hand, you're feeling a bit like Mt. Etna on a bad day. Whether you explode or not is one thing -- but it's definitely time to let your family members see exactly how much fire you can spout. This little-known secret about you is one that you might want to share now: You have one heck of a temper. It doesn't show up much -- but when it does, stand back.

tanduay for dinner

yet again, yesternight was one of those spur-of-the-moment booze sessions and i got drunk BIG TIME. sheeet, i knew i should have eaten more than a measly burger! i have a so-so alcohol tolerance.. a good meal could have veered me away from intoxication. if you're wondering what happened, well not much.. my head was spinning so fast and it felt like the whole world fell on me. i puked! but this time, i knew better than dumping it on myself.. wehehehehehehe.. leche. i never expected id go down, and when it was time to go home, i almost slept in this waiting shed. leche. shame shame shame. and because i was too weak, when i pissed, i wet my pants a bit. demn. it would have been alright if no one was there but then, my nosy neighbors came around.. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet. imagine how my good (hehe) image will be ruined if word of that particular misdemeanor spread. i am sooooooooo.. reckless. careless. this shouldnt happen again. demn. im afraid im going way overboard. this must stop... after saturday. wehehehehehehehehe.. when will i ever learn?

cousins

i miss:
*bumpcars - we pummeled our opponents. yebah!
*P150 allowance - had the best fun with just that amount of money
*the phony sleep-walking - stabbing totie with that huge comb
*that broken camera - how we fooled the professional skaters into doing stunts for us
*my white miceS - vetsu, shatsu, zatsu, etc. and how we fed them to my cat jurassic
*bath time - as we took turns neath the shower
*hitchhiking - especially when we rode that drunken driver's truck. hahaha
*rollerskating - speed-skating inside krys' cramped sala
*early morning hikes - wearing pajamas and filthy slippers
*crocodiles - what would it be like swimming with that grown carnivore?
*ilang-ilang (pagadian) - when we pretended it was betty's bday . hahaha..
*the beach - we molded rubi with sand mermaid fins
*patintero - my team always won! hahaha..
*late night talks - revelations.
*card games - 1,2,3 pass.. uling! hahahaha..
*x-mas carolling - it was dec 28 yet we managed to take home around P1000. lol.
*my grandparents - lola's singkamas (kindness) and lolo's stories (brilliance)
*everything.

it's 4:13am, i should sleep. childhood, i wish you back.

this is just perfect...

Do do do, do do do
Do do do, do do do

When boys are just eleven
They begin to grow in height at a fast rate than they have done before
They develop curiosity and start to fantasize
About the things they have never thought of doing before
These dreams are no more harmful than
The usual thoughts that boys have of becoming football stars or millionaires
As long as the distinction between fantasy and fiction remains
It's just a nature walk

It's just the facts of life
There's no master plan
Walk me home from school
I'll let you hold my hand
You're getting ideas
And when you sleep at night
They develop into sweet dreams
It's just the facts of life

A boy sits by the telephone, wanting to call a girl
But not daring to because she might say no
At last he summons up the courage phones
And discovers someone else has asked her first and she's said yes
Now's time to deal with the fear of being rejected
No-one gets through life without being hurt
At this point the boy who's listening to this song
Is probably saying it's easier said than done and it's true

It's just the facts of life
There's no master plan
Walk me home from school
I'll let you hold my hand
You're getting ideas
And when you sleep at night
They develop into sweet dreams
It's just the facts of life

Do do do, do do do
Do do do, do do do

Small-town dating differs from more urban situations
In particular if there's few places to go
Adolescents normally gather in a cafe or an arcade
If they have to almost anywhere will do
A family car, a disused coalmine
A rowing boat or a shed
Experimentation, familiarization
It's all a nature walk

It's just the facts of life
There's no master plan
Walk me home from school
I'll let you hold my hand
You're getting ideas
And when you sleep at night
They develop into sweet dreams
It's just the facts of life
----

Black Box Recorder - Facts of Life

whores of wednesday

sai AKA a.w. - the stariray (how annoying) i hate wanting you!
ods AKA a.h. - big bad meanie nobody's-spared-from-her-wrath queen of comebacks!
lu AKA p.p. - mastermind!
borj AKA q.c. - hyper go-go dancer! lol.
tunac AKA s.p. - sane sane sane gunner!
roky AKA b.g. - bodyguard/serious jester!
lala AKA h.s. - ever absent yet still present!
eg AKA t.d. - director!
elf truly AKA s.b. - certified dork/yuppie-lookin!
others AKA t.r. - the rest.. wahaha!

sembreak 2005 = english-yappin, beer drinking, joyriding, ledge dancing, videoke singing, isaw-puking, crazy stalking, tapsilog hunting, speed yo-ing, high flying (more like slippin on one's vomit), horny badmouthing, sexy dancing(?), i love you-ing, failed badminton attempts, nerd night outs and so much more. pffffffft... good ol' days. even if it meant bad luck on my part, the fun fun fun more than compensates for it!

quoting sai, "i love you guys, forever and ever and ever always.." bwahahaha.. over OA. leche.

ciao now

"Every little thing that you say or do
I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you
Waiting for your call
Baby night and day
I'm fed up
I'm tired of waiting on you"

~you heard that right! (never thought that there'd be a mahorna song that i can relate to) please, dont even bother coz it wont make much difference. i've decided, and there's no changing it.. unless ofcourse.. waha.. really, i quit. i've no time to subject myself to ur dullness and alibis. this might not reach u or u myt think im referrin to another person, i really dont care. call me close-minded, AGAIN - i DONT care. itll be clear soon enough. oh well, sayonara!

i'll give this a shot

waaaaaaaaaah... why am i soooo green-minded these past few days? tubag doo! hehehehe... help. that didnt come out so sincere huh? sheeet. im having too much fun. but im not into whatever it is u readers are thinking.. *evil grin* that is if anyone bothers to read my wretched blog.

do u think the teachers in hogwarts hold a spell to "cure" libog? heck no! (wouldnt want them to have a cure either. wen will we ever read an HP book that's really really "action-packed?" wahoooo) i bet they welcome the "mood," strengthen it, even! and why did i come to this generalization? because i'll be watching HP4's premiere this wednesday! (am i making sense? tubag doo! lol) i cant wait! i pray this'll be a better movie than HP3. darnit! and to think HP3 was my fave book in the series.. what a downer. basta for goblet.. expect the worst and hope for the best. wahoo! ang korni. leche. yes, i swear this much! leche.

oh oh oh, i read madonna's book entitled sex.. twas a damn perverted read. perverted but yummy. shit im no pervert, i swear! (uuuuy, defensive) its just exciting to see a diva toying around with models in scandalous positions. and the lines there were pretty liberating, relative to madonna. there was no real sex there, just mahorna showing off her "erogenous zones." that woman has assets. demn.

come to think of it, the moomoo surfaced after i read the book! *realization* leche... wat a shallow cause... but moomoo doesnt come out after having absorbed sleazy porn-worthy material! yak. there has to be a deeper explanation! brainstorm take me away from the norm.. hahay..

this ermmm... phase will subside soon. it must, or doo and the rest will have to suffer under the moomoo's wrath. scary huh?

i'm tired talking as if i'm doin a monologue.. hahay leche.. sayonara. *flips thru the book again*

samana

had my fill of ale last night. it was no longer fun. hahay... on a happier note, my booze-bud puked. waha! twas fun watching her strain under her stomach's fierce protest to let out every last morsel of that food-beer mush. after that, i got back home and, slept. hahay.. not even alcohol and dreams can save me now i guess. i am human and i need to be.. blank. :P

virgohoro

The Bottom Line:

Things will make sense, just look at the details. The answers are hidden there.

In Detail:

While you have the chance, better plan a totally unexpected, totally impromptu evening alone with your sweetheart, because the way things are shaping up, you may not have that chance again for a bit. A startling -- no amazing and astounding -- message is en route, and you'll have absolutely no idea how good the content of that message will be until it reaches you. Just for now, keep it under wraps. You'll have plenty of time to brag once it's official.

-----
errrr... come out, come out wherever you are. *sighs*

weeeh

is it my birthday? yahoo! and tomorrow will just be another day.. :(

if only life had reruns

walking past each other you said hello.
with enough courage i spun around
only to muster a faint smile,
and speed away the opposite direction.
you made me feel things i never did,
as if the sky fell hard on me.

its been two weeks since that sunday,
if only gravity held us down
we wouldn't have flown away.

my mind's been on maximum overdrive
so forgive me and my wild imaginings but
i want to drive you away,
i want to share my bench with you,
i want to take you on top of that little hill,
i want you to shake my dreams,
i want you to inhale the breath that reads your name,
i want us to watch the ancient stars explode.

i know i'm pushing my luck but i want you.
don't make me go home just yet, please.
i love you.
i'm not even sure...
but i'm intoxicated by you.

this is for you stranger...
until our next beautiful collision.

lu

beautiful as she is, sadness never spares her. this being the very reason why she continues to be excitable - always flitting to fight her very opponent, ennui. she is gifted with an unwarranted degree of enlightenment but she whispers to you her wicked schemes all in the service of sorting out the ambiguity of life. still in her orchid cocoon, she will bloom soon.

you are the sprite, rapidly zipping about from one fantasia to another. we all anticipate the realization of your beautiful dreams.. only then will mundania cease to subsist and this sphere will become plump with your magic.

live yourself a fairytale and let it be one of the few remaining stories worth talking over a cup of chocolate in a dismal cafe.

the world will forever be yours to pepper with your fairy dust my dear pixie.

:)

my biorhythm's high.. the sky's perfect, with the moon smiling down at me and the stars singing me a symphony of light. this is too much. come and have some..

open-letter

ms. wind,

you once ran through the recesses of the dense leaves that hang just above my window. i can never forget how you sang for me. every night you did in my slumber. you sang in a variety of ways - soft, haunting, deafening, troubling, all intense, never failing to drown me into the depths of my unconscious. but as of late, you are still and i sleep with silent dreams as i long for your majesty.
i yearn for your songs! remember how you hauntingly carressed the leaves, and that rhythmic banging as you rattled the branches on the glass panels? i miss how you toyed with my thoughts and how you masterfully played the trees that loom close by. i miss how you touched me and swallowed me whole with your howling.
where is your touch? your voice? your power? i beg of you to grace me with your beauty. sing me your songs and once again, bring me to reverie because only then can i forget the insincerity of my dreams.
i miss you.

dreamer

happy birthday

i'm happy. if only i could wrap it around my fingers.. keep it there and make it last forever. i love u guys.. i know.. i'm at my crummiest every 12th of september.

lifeboat

after all our dreams went down
sinking for our very eyes
still echoing the sound
oh the frozen dreadful cries

witnessed the passing of our only loves
lose a barrel to the sea
why did you choose my only love
it could of easily been me

but it seems there was some other plan
one i don't care to understand
in the refuge of these foreign arms
i could find your holy land

how can it be that we defy this tragedy
from this lifeboat in the dark
is it wrong that we could come together
wind and sorrow bear a spark

in our soul and desperation
truest thing we'd ever known
but to admit that to have loved, would be blasphemy
just to show we had our ground

----
Lovage

I can manage with just an inner tube, thank you.

greenish

i'm so miserable. my throat's parched, my eyes burn, my nose is very much like a leaking pipe, and my cough sounds like that of a lion choking on a zulu man's head. just when i thought things cant get any worse, i got slapped in my hiney with a post-it which read "IT WILL" in big, bold letters. readying for a semi-autonomous, convulsive expulsion of air from the nose, in the hopes of letting it out in full force AND only to reach a faint sniffle(!?!) is utter TORMENT! not that i feel much but it's the worst physical sensation i've ever felt! next to that is having to swallow a large-volume of congested phlegm in my mouth.. arrrrrrr.. help. *gulp*

finish your papers

look at the universe and take out a slice. yes, you're still an inconsequential part of that chunk of matter. think for a moment and detach yourself from the whole. see yourself in a non-pluralized level. grow bigger than the space given you. gestaltism doesn't work.
the only thing stopping you now from superceding the universe are your pesky assignments. tiny steps boy, steady steps.

yo sai

intrigued.

ethereal visage
deep scarlet eyes
delicate lifeless hands
fangs of ivory
immortal.

cast your spell
enthrall me
hold me
bite me
let me live eternal under the dark of night.

please. your kiss is all it takes to lead me to damnation.

panic

I jumped in and a blast of humid air greeted my descent. Walking away from where I fell, I pushed forward, fully aware that there's no turning back. I mindlessly followed the yellowish glow that hovered ahead of me and along it's path, dark figures took form - skulls, snakes, webs and spiders. The shadows toyed with my imagination. Faster and faster, the light sped forth. Excited, I quickened my pace. Not fast enough. I stopped to breathe hard but a nauseating plethora of strange scents deterred me from doing so. Falling short on breath, I took my time, slowly advancing deeper into the darkness, unfazed. With every step, the walls pushed down on me, up until I was on all fours, with my face close to the ground. Up, down, up, down, i climbed. Drained of energy and drenched in my own sweat, panic finally hit me with its lethal blow. It pushed me to surrender as I lay there, frozen. Trapped. And yet down to my very last breath, I knew there was hope and it didnt take long for my silent prayer to be answered. As if on cue, that familiar glow materialized and washed away the fear that surfaced in its absence. Saved, i lurched straight towards it. But no matter how hard I tried to get close, it just floated on, oblivious of my eager pursuit. That went on and on until a fierce light swallowed us both.

It's official, I'm a cave-crawler.

the greatest of fools

finding convenience in what's convenient for someone else is madness so why compromise? simply because you are compelled to, as if the universe itself pushes you to know what it means to be human in its very essence.
resist or fight if you must but in time you will become one with the rest of them, fools. but there are greater fools, those who do not see the arrows sticking out of their shell. the greatest of which, runs all the while knowing its bound to get caught. that's who i am.
will i tire of this you ask? will i sip that dreaded cup of insanity just like the rest of them?
not just yet.

ice

i want crystals to fall and shatter on the ground as the cold eats away at my bare feet. when?

feeling

    who says im not capable? i see it all too often without having to be inside the bubble and that alone makes me a candidate for having an unbiased opinion. phenomology. give me some credit. but then again, i want to understand, and to fully understand one must experience. so let me be a hypocrite in saying this, i want to be biased.
    when will i ever give myself the chance to be irrational and lose my struggle for rationality? to subject myself to the rawest of its forms, surrender, and ultimately revel in emotions.

clarity

*i live.

*sun shines brightly and he sees me flash with a light that rivals his own.

*happy for finding me ablaze neath his joyous warmth, he persuades me to burn with as much intensity as he has, free with but one limit.

*i oblige, so i play, i laugh, i dance, i sing, with a smile plastered on my face.

*farewell and he's off to places faraway.

*now moon flies, i stop.

*no more games, laughter, dances, songs or smiles to show.

*in deep contrast to the ebony sky, i simply stare up at her, feeling her peaceful glow . . . because she allows me to.

*grinning, she sees through me, knowing my heart yearns for more.

*she offers me illumination and how i wish that this'll be forever but she dives back beneath the waves.

*i twitch for sun comes.

*i ready myself to please him.

*he lets me do all, except for one . . . i want to look up but cannot.

*i once did in a past forgotten, and he punished me for my defiance.

*i cede yet eager for moon to rise because however fierce he blazes, his radiance doesn't compare to hers.

*as always i laugh, i dance, i sing, i smile . . . with my lifeless eyes and shadowed heart.

*satisfied, he leaves.

*moon rises and with her faint luminosity, i see and feel again . . .

*she grins and i answer with a deep gaze, happy.

faith

x: u think He'll approve of that? i mean, we’ve asked a lot of things from Him and He always answers them.. and here i am, stretching my limit, wanting to commit more mistakes. dont u find me such an ingrate?

y: NO. definitely not. the nature of man is something scholars have defined using their own God-given reason to set bounds and limits to the world, to put a formula to the mystery of life, to make it sound simpler and to reduce it to predictability and simplicity in spite of its true complexity

x: does that make me free to run out of pure impulse?

y: WHAT REALLY MATTERS is how you deal with others. i am an idealist, as i've told u before, and not...basta, the one who learns and thinks by experience. i still believe in experience though but i believe that God judges us by our deeds and actions, but what we believe we have contributed and what we believe we have sacrificed for his sake. by what.. no human definition or description can match the power of the human spirit :) believe that you are good :)

x: true, but then again, people have been defined and squished to a sorry pulp. if what u say is right, then why am i unsure that ill be satisfied with the outcome? it might just open up a pandora's box of trouble and ill be dealing with a new set of harsher/tougher problems

y: coz u havent let go of society's chauvinism. its like being tied down by material possessions. after all, those are still concerns of the earthly world. think beyond the textbook and into the bible where all good deeds flow

x: how can one be good when people will ultimately judge him evil? what is one’s worth if he is unappreciated? i mean how can i compensate for my weaknesses? what can i do? who can i be? when im just me..

y: u always think too much. your concerns will eat u alive. why not let go of those WHAT IFs coz none of them are certain namn and jst live your life the way you want to. life is too short and sweet to be wasted worrying bout others. think of it as another ordinary defect. If there’s somebody ugly in the world, well, that's ur defect coz it makes u imperfect for some but totally lovable for everyone else. no one's perfect and u cnt please everyone. the least u could do is be the most adorable friend, anak, mentor, being. In the deed sense ah..

x: yeah... i should know my parameters, what I’m capable of and work out from there. make the best out of what's been given me. but i want much. This might just be my crappiest period.

y: hehe.. what's with the crappy mood? u got other problems?

x: well, i cant pick them apart!

y: we all have our selfish motives but too much ambition at the wrong time might leave us racing for nothing. well how bout loving urself FIRST. it always starts with that :)

x: how can i do that when i find myself LACKING?

y: hehe :) but really, i dnt knw why u are who you are, the same way i am who i am. i see my flaws and acknowledge them. but ive long accepted that i am too loved and blessed by God to magnify what i lack rather than count what i have abounding. when God makes his list, it wnt have popular belief in the criteria. jst u and Him

x: wer are u getting all this?

y: FAITH :) one only needs faith to believe. when u come to think of it, when u put God in the center of your life, things jst fall into perspective coz he gives no reason for pessimism and he is the reason for a good life. so u up to smiling na and living your life with a brighter perspective? :)

x: i have been doing that! in fact i wake up everyday thanking Him without fail. for very shallow reasons but im very thankful.. i have HIM to thank for getting me this far even though i feel like im spiraling down cynicism

y: which should stop you from worrying coz u have more to be grateful for :)

x: like what? Lol dont know what's been keepin me up. Oh, there's you for one! But i dont think i have a steady support system to begin with soooooooo thank u for bearing with me

y: that you got a good family, friends, a full stomach, the stuff you want, the opportunity to watch tv, laugh at jokes, go out at night, even see the city which not everyone gets to see (even i miss it)

x: hahahaha... one will only know wat's truly beautiful when it's no longer there

y: exactly. its all opportunity cost. if you gain some you lose some :) you cnt have the world u know

blabber

the clouds will part to answer my prayer.

on that day, i will know who you are.

the perfect mate for my soul.

fly

Don't give me any worth. Don't hold me important. Don't find me valuable. I am of no significance to you.

You don't see me. I'm just a gust of wind that's out to make it's presence felt even for just a moment, knowing that it won't make a lasting impression. Ever fleeting, never permanent. You can't touch me. I'm not even here. I fly, now goodbye.

killer

For the sake of being righteous you jump into this hole thinking its the best thing to do, the right thing. You dig deeper, gaining momentum, the drive feeds you, that is until you realize that it isnt easy. You feel weak knowing that you cant keep at it forever, that you wish to go back with the rest of them and their passion for realizing shadowed desires. Just when you thought you should crawl back out, it dawns on you that you're way down, deep down. It falls on you like a heavy blanket, suffocating, hot, and unbearable. You squirm to break free but there's no escape. You're there disturbed and dying inside and the rest of the world doesn't seem to notice. Mute.

Abstinence kills. No wonder I'm miles beneath the ground.